Meet the Candidates

Expanding on the theme of strange candidates, here are some of the candidates that are (or were) seeking your vote in the current presidential election.

Gene Amondson, Prohibition Party
Amondson is running on a single issue: bringing back prohibition. He describes prohibition as "America's Best Years."

Donald K. Allen, Independent
One of the few candidates to have a position on puppy mills: "As President, I would appoint a secretary of agriculture that would effectively shut down puppy mills through true enforcement of existing law and national educational exposure of this despicable business. Instead of working from the bottom up, I would effectively mandate the dismantling of commercial interstate puppy trade from the top. This would be a no- or low-priority issue for any other candidate."

Bruce Bongardt, The Proudican Party
Bongardt describes himself as "a 42 year old middleclass creative problem-solving Mechanical Design Engineer." He describes the Proudican Party as "a new, self-started party focused on sustaining US Democracy principles through an independent platform of boldly aggressive technology-based prolutions (progressive solutions)." Some of his "prolutions" include expanding the standard week to 9 days and transitioning the currency to e-money.

James Harlin Carter, The Real Food Party
"The Real Food Party seeks to revise existing regulations to allow the sale of non-pasteurized milk and other 'food that is helpful.'" Carter has conceded that he's not going to win the 2008 election. Therefore, he's not going to participate in any debates and has no plans to raise any money.

Terry Lee "Tee" Barkdull, Unaffiliated
Barkdull's platform: "IT'S TIME WE ALL TAKE A STAND AGAINST THIS DICTATORSHIP GOVERNMENT THAT IS OUT OF CONTROL!! THESE SILVER SPOON BASTARDS AND BITCHES, CAN NOT CONTINUE TO RUN AMERICA ANYMORE." (Unfortunately, Barkdull has withdrawn his candidacy for the 2008 election.)

Matthew Borman, The American Party
Borman writes: "I am Matthew Borman. I am a 36 year old, who since the age of 14, had to work in order to survive. From the age that I was old enough to recognize government; the excitement about the politician, the writing of new law or the formation of government social program has eluded me. I am a simple working man. The people who seem so int rested in Governing my life have caused more hurt than help with their years of law making."
Borman has many positions, but apparently improving spelling and grammar is not one of them.

Jeff Boss, The Independent Party
Boss is going for the conspiracy theorist vote: "My Goal is to Save America, and make it a democracy again. I witnessed a person high up in the NSA planning the 9/11 attack. They were talking about helping Ramsi Yousef (responsible for the 93 bombing at the World Trade Center) call his uncle Kolid Sheik Mohammed (considered the mastermind of the 911 attack) from the NSA secret prison in Alexandria, VA, and they were talking about flying planes into buildings."

John Taylor Bowles, National Socialist Order of America
Going for the Nazi vote. From Wikipedia: "Bowles runs his campaign out of the "Redneck Shop" in Laurens, South Carolina, which features Nazi, Confederate States of America and KKK paraphernalia. As of March 2008, Bowles is the only listed individual contributor to his campaign." (Bowles suffered a heart attack in July, so he's off the ticket.)

Posted By: Alex - Tue Sep 23, 2008 - Comments (6)
Category: Politics, Strange Candidates

Strange Candidates #2: Homer Tomlinson

Continuing the exploration of strange presidential candidates:

"Mighty Man of God" Homer Tomlinson (1892-1969)

Tomlinson was the founder of the Church of God (World Headquarters). His plan was to bring about the kingdom of God on earth by getting the members of his church elected to public office. Therefore, he ran for President in 1952, 1960, 1964, and 1968 as the candidate for the "Theocratic Party" (which he also founded).

His campaign promises included: substituting tithing for taxes, creating cabinet posts for "Secretary of Righteousness" and "Secretary of the Holy Bible," unifying church and state, and establishing Bible reading and prayer in all schools.

Tomlinson never won an election, though he did receive 24 votes in 1964. But that didn't matter, because in 1965 he declared himself "King of the World." He ruled the world from a hotel room in Jerusalem, wearing a gold-painted crown and sitting on a folding chair. From a 1966 New Yorker profile of him:


More info at Ron's Parlour Tricks. Also, Legacy America is selling a leaflet from his 1964 campaign.

Posted By: Alex - Tue Sep 23, 2008 - Comments (4)
Category: Politics, Strange Candidates

Smelly Washer

Americans hate stinky things, and seek relief from bad odors in the most unlikely products. I've brought Poo-Pourri to your attention, and Alex has reminded us of Odo-Ro-No. And now we have Smelly Washer, which, according to this article, is selling like beer at Oktoberfest.

Posted By: Paul - Tue Sep 23, 2008 - Comments (7)
Category: Business, Products, Domestic, Hygiene, Inventions, Money

Bacon Bloody Marys

After Baconhenge and Bacon Beans, what other odd bacon bits could there be?

Well, what about Bacon Bloody Marys?

For some reason I am reminded of Lisa Simpson asking Bart to please stop stirring his lemonade with a sausage.

Posted By: Paul - Tue Sep 23, 2008 - Comments (13)
Category: Animals, Fads, Food, Inebriation and Intoxicants

Chuck’s Hand-Picked Overnight Weird News for Tuesday

Fine points of the law (bankruptcy version)
Contractor steals customer's $39k. Customer has contractor arrested, wins judgment, collects $25k immediate restitution. Then, another judge forces rip-ee to give it all back. That's the law. (Thief had filed for bankruptcy and by law couldn't be forced to pay out any more money to individual creditors, and the second judge said rip-ee's having thief arrested was basically extorting that $25k payout.) (Bonus: Rip-ee also has to pay thief's legal fees!) Associated Press via MSNBC
Comments 'contractor_bankruptcy'

Fine points of the law (Safe Drinking Water Act version)
"[P]erchlorate has been found in at least 395 sites in 35 states at levels high enough to interfere with thyroid function and pose developmental health risks, particularly for babies and fetuses, according to some scientists," reports the AP. However, the EPA is about to officially declare that it would not be a "meaningful opportunity for health risk reduction" if it did anything special about perchlorate. Inferred reason: The Pentagon, which is the major purveyor of perchlorate, would have to spend a whole lot o' money. Associated Press via USA Today
Comments 'perchlorate_water'

Fine points of the law ("due process of law" version)
Rarely has a murder spree been captured in more reliable video detail than was Brian Nichols's four-killing (including his judge) escape from an Atlanta courthouse in 2005. But "everybody knows" he still has to be actually "tried and convicted" before he can be punished. Here's what Brian's making taxpayers shell out: at least $5m for prosecution and defense lawyers, calling up to 1,000 or so witnesses in a trial expected to last from now until Christmas, plus incidentals like juror and overtime-security expenses. Damn, we're civilized! Atlanta Journal-Constitution
Comments 'brian_nichols'

People Whose Sex Lives Are Worse Than Yours
The unidentified couple in Mpumalanga Province, South Africa, had a tremendous last fling, on the railroad tracks, so lost in ecstasy that warnings about the approaching train failed to register with them, but it was, indeed, their last fling. BBC News
Comments 'sex_rrtracks'

Your Daily Jury Duty
[no fair examining the evidence; verdict must be based on mugshot only]
Mr. Deo Dover, Kirksville, Mo., charged with cultivating some marijuana plants, but he might not have been aware that they were marijuana! Kirksville Daily Express
Comments 'deo_dover'

More Things to Worry About on Tuesday
Update: The hot-bodied Ms. Gennifer [aka Jennifer] Moss [NOTW Daily, 4-29-2008, 6-18-2008] has achieved an American cultural milestone: Construction workers in Portland, Ore., actually complained to police about her nude bike-riding around town . . . . . Businessman Anwar Rashid is worth close to $50m, so he may actually have been sincere in walking away from the mortgage on a $7m estate in England, which he fled because he's absolutely certain that it's, uh, haunted . . . . . Australian Wool Innovation has produced a "wash and wear" business suit, to go on sale in Japan . . . . . A road-rager, being a little too eager to ram the woman who had dissed her, wound up setting her own car (and not her nemesis's) ablaze, leaving the herd thinned by one . . . . . An Indiana Univ. student, caught with a cup of urine at football game, denied to the cop that he was about to throw it on students from Ball State, but that, actually, some guy gave it to him in the men's room, and he was bringing it back to his seat to show to his friends (because who wouldn't want to see a cup of urine a men's-room stranger gives you?). Today's Newsrangers: Rob Bradbury, Steve Miller, Candy Clouston, Jerry Whittle, Janet Breid, Pete Randall, Emory Kimbrough, Paul Music, Bruce Alter, Don Schullian
Comments 'worry_080923'

Editor's Note
I appreciate the notes about my parathesia, which appears to be subsiding after three days. My usual response to medical problems is to wait 'em out, and it looks like that worked for me again. As to the chronicness, there are still about a dozen vulnerabilities that I have for this thing, but I have better things to do than to try to narrow down the list. Onward.

Posted By: Chuck - Tue Sep 23, 2008 - Comments (0)
Category:

Fainting Goats

Having previously posted about talking goats, I'm now moving on to fainting goats. Enjoy!

Posted By: Alex - Tue Sep 23, 2008 - Comments (7)
Category: Animals

Follies of the Mad Men #29

[From Life magazine for April 12 1954.]

Chick Chick and Presto Rabbit are the stuff of nightmares! Any child would surely run screaming from these hideous mascots. Note that the company that makes these kits is "Fred Fear"!!!

Posted By: Paul - Mon Sep 22, 2008 - Comments (2)
Category: Animals, Business, Advertising, Holidays, 1950s

Chuck’s Hand-Picked Overnight Weird News for Monday

Georgia channels Texas justice
Tomorrow's the day that Troy Davis will be meeting his maker in Georgia, for a 1989 murder, even though 7 of the 9 "witnesses" against him at trial admitted later that they didn't witness any such thing. The U.S. Supreme Court is so concerned that they've scheduled a hearing on Davis's petition, for, er, a week from today. Seriously. New York Times
Comments 'troy_davis'

News you can use (to get rid of that pesky stuffy nose)
An article in the Journal of Medical Hypotheses (which seems like a serious publisher of science out of the mainstream) suggests an alternative to Sudafed, which works by "stimulating [your] adrenergic receptors." What also does that: "the emission phase of ejaculation" (for dudes, anyway; author S. Zarrintan isn't so sure about a comparable female effect). ScienceBlogs.com
Comments 'sudafed_masturbation'

The Pope says he's just about had it up to here with these sightings of Mary 'n' Jesus, but then . . .
Just last week, Jesus made a stopover on the drywall of a house under construction in Gulf Shores, Ala., and then the Archbishop of Naples (Italy) announced that the dried blood of Saint Gennaro in the city's main cathedral has liquified again, right on schedule, as it does twice yearly. Last week, the Pope announced a commission to set down standards for these things and what priests are supposed to say when somebody comes up to them in tears. WKRG-TV (Mobile, Ala.) // Reuters via Yahoo // The Times (London)
Comments 'pope_crackdown'

It's good to be a Long Island Rail Road worker
The NY Times pretty much slam-dunk-busted a massive rip-off of the federal gov't by LIRR retirees, who routinely exploit something called the Railroad Retirement Board to ask for disability when they leave the work force. The Board almost never says no (97 percent acceptance one year), no matter how soft the job and irrespective of the absence of any hint of disability while on active duty. Of course, the timing is good for the Board because nobody cares about this scam, what with the entire economy getting bailed out at taxpayer risk and this amounting only to $250m over 8 yrs. New York Times
Comments 'lirr_disability'

Viable gov't for Israel depends on an Ultra-Orthodox guy who thinks women are sorta like donkeys
The prospective prime minister [and what's not to like about a head of state named "Zippy"?] needs the 12 parliamentary seats of the Shas in order to have a majority, but they're hard-core, and the party's spiritual leader is a Pat-Robertson-like guy who thinks Hurricane Katrina was God's punishment for the wickedness in N'awlins (and who said, famously, that "walking between two women is like walking between two donkeys." Associated Press via Yahoo
Comments 'israeli_coalition'

Can't Possibly Be True: No police sketch artist would draw up something like this
Even though it's a teenager-kidnaping case, which always gets the community all upset, it can't be true that this drawing of the alleged perp will be any help at all in finding him.. KSDK-TV (St. Louis)
Comments 'police_sketch'

Your Daily Jury Duty
[no fair examining the evidence; verdict must be based on mugshot only]
Richard Housman and his sweetie, Vickey Housman, have been charged with selling dope in North Platte, Neb., and the question is presented: Can we legitimately draw an inference of criminal guilt based on Vickey's zits? [NOTE: Richard and Vickey are the 2nd and 3rd photos on the page, not the first] North Platte Bulletin
Comments 'richard_housman'

More Things to Worry About on Monday
Not sure what the guy was drinking, but whatever it was, it worked because he was so drunk that he said he didn't feel much pain at all when he tried to leap that iron fence and got impaled by a spike up his butt (Bonus: for two hours!) (Bonus: Not-Safe-For-Stomachs photos here] [link from Arbroath] . . . . . Damn thugs: Two Czech entomologists were convicted of hunting butterflies, and a Darjeeling, India, judge sent one of 'em away for three months . . . . . It says here in the North Bay (Ontario) Nugget that Amber Dibartolomeo, 23, has been banned from the Wal-Mart after using it as a mobile place of business for selling cocaine (Bonus: She carried around a digital scale in her bag, and her inventory in a, um, personal space) . . . . . Wisconsin inmate Reggie Townsend (reckless homicide) was awarded $295k by a jury in his lawsuit against the prison for making him sleep on a moldy, putrid mattress for two months ($295k / 60 nights / $4,900 a night). Today's Newsrangers: Richard Gould, Paul Music, John Elliott, Mark Neunder, Emory Kimbrough, Steve Wettlaufer, Candy Clouston
Comments 'worry_080922'

Editor's Note
As I wrote on Saturday, I'm having a bout of parathesia, which I've had before and have every reason to believe is temporary, but better I had it in the toes than the fingers because it's slowed my typing speed a whole lot. (On the other hand, it's great for masturbation because it feels like another person is working on me, bada bada bing!) Lo, the struggles I endure for you, the reader!

Posted By: Chuck - Mon Sep 22, 2008 - Comments (0)
Category:

Cow Attacks Owner

More evidence of the threat posed by cows. Here you see 68-year-old Rositza Kasaboba being attacked by her cow Dana. Thankfully, Rositza was unharmed, but she has vowed to turn Dana into sausages for Christmas dinner. Link: Daily Mail.

Related attacking-cow posts:
• Home Intruder
• When Cows Attack

Posted By: Alex - Mon Sep 22, 2008 - Comments (6)
Category: Cows

The Face Workout

I'm not about to try these exercises. I'd worry my face would get stuck that way.

Posted By: Alex - Mon Sep 22, 2008 - Comments (1)
Category: Exercise and Fitness, Video