Chuck’s Hand-Picked Overnight Weird News for Thursday

Illuminati agent blows cover, winds up stuck in air vent at museum
Richard Smith, 25, had to call 911 when he got stuck, but he did nothing wrong because his boss in the worldwide conspiracy, Agent Womack, had merely sent him to the wrong place to confiscate the Soviet-made MERV66S-22AN warhead (with 30 lbs. of enriched uranium and a plutonium trigger). Turns out the helicopter that dropped him onto the roof for the mission had flown to the museum in Knoxville, Tenn., when it was the museum in Memphis that had the warhead. [Note from Weird Universe's fact-checker: That part about being stuck in the air vent when police arrived is a fact.] WBIR-TV (Knoxville)
Comments 'illuminati_museum'

Evolutionary biologists spar over, um, the origin of the anus
No, seriously. They think organisms started with just one opening for everything, but then it got bigger to accommodate various functions, and eventually the egress got separated from the ingress. Possibly. In fact, the reproductive tract may have started out as an anus. "The issue remains open," said a commenter to the punchline-inspiring journal article. Nature
Comments 'origin_anus'

Update: Lab-grown rat brain cells can power a robot
The latest work from Reading University's Kevin Warwick, the prolific remote-brain researcher, shows that brain cells are smart enough on their own, in isolation, to know how to form up and do more complex tasks. [Previously, News of the Weird has reported on Warwick's pioneering microchip work, e.g., communicating with his wife solely by their respective arm-planted chips and his routine ability to open his office door and turn on the lights just by thinking about it. NOTW 592 (6-11-1999), NOTW 644 (6-9-2000), NOTW 700 (7-8-2001).] Daily Telegraph (London)
Comments 'rat_braincells'

Update: The District of Calamity govt's tax-refund scam
The mastermind, "Mother Harriette" Walters, 51, pleaded guilty and will serve at least 15 yrs in prison for ripping at least $48m from Washington, D.C., taxpayers. Based on her cooperation since her arrest, prosecutors now believe (a) the scam was going on before Walters took it over in 1989; (b) she took it to new levels, eventually, to a hgh of $8.6m in 2004, (c) outside auditors, inside supervisors, and four mayors never even came close to discovering the scam, (d) even though in several aspects it was amateurish, and (e) if it wasn't for that clerk in a Sun Trust branch located inside a supermarket, who questioned a ridiculously large check and wouldn't let go of the suspicion, Walters'd still be working her magic. Washington Post
Comments 'harriette_walters'

People Whose Sex Lives Are Worse Than Yours
A 41-yr-old guy was convicted in Philadelphia of having more than a million child porn images on his computer and of setting up video cameras in a kids' bathroom (and believe me, you don't want to know what his minimum age of preference is). He's also here because his name is Woman. Mr. Woman. Mr. John Woman. [CORRECTION: Well, no, it's not; it's actually Worman, but it was Woman on an earlier version of this story.] WCAU-TV (Philadelphia)
Comments 'john_woman'

Your Daily Jury Duty
[no fair examining the evidence; verdict must be based on mugshot only]
Jacob Weiss, 19, Vail, Colo., might have convinced a pal that killing himself wouldn't be such a bad thing. KUSA-TV (Denver)
Comments 'jacob_weiss'

More Things to Worry About on Thursday
The Storchen restaurant in Switzerland plans to introduce entrees cooked in women's breast milk . . . . . The governor of Bavaria, promoting Oktoberfest, said a lot of Germans could drain one of those 2-liter bottles full of beer and still be OK to drive . . . . . A tractor-trailer collision in central Florida spilled a Treasury shipment of almost 4 million nickels all over Interstate 95 [Link Corrected] . . . . . Estonian authorities have charged 11 people with creating a 1.2-mile-long pipeline running across the border with Russia, pumping in vodka (because its Russian price was one-third the European-Union-induced price) [Link Corrected]. Today's Newsrangers: Jim Peterson, Emory Kimbrough, Gabriel Fig, Karl Olson
Comments 'worry_080918'

Posted By: Chuck - Thu Sep 18, 2008 - Comments (0)
Category:

Life Imitates Cheesy Science Fiction Film

As we learn in this article from today's New York Times, conditions in hurricane-wracked Galveston, Texas, have begun to approach the scenario depicted in the latest remake of I AM LEGEND.

As crews hacked away at downed trees and replaced blown-out transformers and cut lines, state and local officials contended with a plethora of other problems, among them a tiger on the loose.

James D. Yarbrough, the Galveston County judge, said a pet tiger, well known to locals, had escaped during the storm and was wandering the ruins of houses on Bolivar Peninsula. “I understand he’s hungry, so we are staying away from him,” Mr. Yarbrough said.

You'll see Will Smith's similar encounter at approximately the one-minute mark in the trailer below.

Posted By: Paul - Wed Sep 17, 2008 - Comments (13)
Category: Animals, Armageddon and Apocalypses, Death, Disasters, Guns, Movies, Nature, Pets, Dogs, Science Fiction, Actors

Follies of the Mad Men #27

[Frpm Life magazine for June 9 1952. Two separate scans, upper and lower.]

James Brown's got nothing on this guy!

Posted By: Paul - Wed Sep 17, 2008 - Comments (13)
Category: Business, Advertising, Domestic, Marriage, Family, Children, Husbands, Parents, Wives, Pets, Dogs, Technology, Gender, 1950s

Chuck’s Hand-Picked Overnight Weird News for Wednesday

Sounds Like a Joke: Israelis get tough
So, you live in Israel, in the capital city, and Iran's bragging that its nuke program is running full-speed and also that it's supplying Hezbollah in Lebanon with missiles that can reach well inside Israel, and you're the city council in the Tel Aviv suburb of Petah Tikva, and so what dominates the latest meeting? They need to start swabbing dogs' mouths to create a DNA database so officials can ID the poop on the sidewalks (but of course only from those dogs whose owners have bothered to register them). Reuters via Yahoo
Comments 'israeli_poop'

The Kenyan pastor who curbed a city's automobile fatality rate (by, er, outing that witch who was causing it all)
Pastor Thomas Muthee founded the Prayer Cave church in Kiambu, Kenya, in 1989, and his first big success (after six months' intensive prayer) was outing the witch Mama Jane, causing her to flee (and the accident rate to drop). Ah, but that's all old news, from a 1999 Christian Science Monitor article, so how does it make Chuck's Overnights? Answer: Sarah Palin thought Pastor Muthee's personal blessing is what pushed her over the top in the race for governor of Alaska! The Times (London)
Comments 'pastor_muthee'

Groom throws knife at wedding reception
Uh . . . you're right . . . not much to this story, out of Chippewa Falls, Wis., but first you have to make your way around the fact that the victim's upper body was completely wrapped in duct tape (and that neither the local reporter nor the AP stringer [possibly the same person, of course] seems to know exactly why. Leader-Telegram (Eau Claire)
Comments 'groom_knife'

Your Daily Jury Duty
[no fair examining the evidence; verdict must be based on mugshot only]
Joseph Kilmire, 32, may possibly be a serial burglar. WEWS-TV (Cleveland)
Comments 'joseph_kilmire'

Eyewitness News
[news videos goin' around]
Man screwing Toyota 4x4. I can't vouch for it, but here's the video, and the only news stories I've seen are not actually reports on the event but appear to be simply descriptions of what's on the video. On the other hand, it is "goin' around." Inquisitr.com
Comments 'eyewitness_toyota'

More Things to Worry About on Wednesday
A super-hot 20-yr-old Italian model is selling her virginity for €1m ($1.42m), and her brother vouches, "She's never had a boyfriend. I swear on my mother's grave" (Bonus: She prays to Padre Pio [at the link, scroll to Update]) . . . . . The U.S. Army just awarded a $4m contract for developing, er, "thought helmets," so commanders can pass along orders silently (but the U.S. is already 26 yrs behind the curve because Clint Eastwood needed to steal that technology from the Soviets in a 1982 movie) . . . . . Of course we're winning the war against gangs in this country, except that, well, we all have to stop wearing rosaries because gang members are wearing them, too . . . . . The Guinness Book people thought it'd be cool to photograph the shortest man in the world alongside the woman with the longest legs. Today's Newsrangers: Jessica McRorie, Philip Urban, Anita Nelson, Candy Clouston
Comments 'worry_080917'

Posted By: Chuck - Wed Sep 17, 2008 - Comments (0)
Category:

Who’s coming to see the LHC?

The Large Hadron Collider in Geneva may not have caused the end of the world, but some believe it's attracting extraterrestrial visitors. The Louth Leader is on top of this important story:


To be fair to "Anthony from Wales," it's not clear to me whether he's suggesting that the collider is attracting ETs, or if it's releasing visible flashes of energy into the atmosphere. Not that one option would be any more logical than the other.

Posted By: Alex - Wed Sep 17, 2008 - Comments (0)
Category: Paranormal, Science

An Extraordinary Escape

Hmm. I vote it's fake. There are too many pixellated patches, suggesting someone has been erased.

Posted By: Alex - Wed Sep 17, 2008 - Comments (2)
Category: Animals, Video

Ruth Grace Moulon, RIP

Last week, we coincidentally featured Nancy Luce, the Chicken Lady. Today, we must sadly report the death of the Duck Girl.

Ruthie the Duck Girl was a New Orleans character famed for her pet ducks. You can read her history at the intriguing site known as ECCENTRIC NEW ORLEANS, and then read her LOS ANGELES TIMES obituary here.

A documentary was made about her, and shown on WYES TV, but I can't find any online video of it.

Posted By: Paul - Tue Sep 16, 2008 - Comments (0)
Category: Animals, Celebrities, Death, Obituaries, Eccentrics, Pets, Regionalism

George Putnam, RIP

TV newscaster George Putnam has died. Read his LOS ANGELES TIMES obituary here.

Putnam was frequently cited as the inspiration for the Ted Baxter character on THE MARY TYLER MOORE show.

Make your own judgment based on the videos below.

Posted By: Paul - Tue Sep 16, 2008 - Comments (5)
Category: Centuries, Death, Obituaries, Entertainment, Actors, Hollywood, ShowBiz, Stupidity, Television

Chuck’s Hand-Picked Overnight Weird News for Tuesday

As a matter of fact, apparently, there is a part of "no" that Melvin Dummar doesn't understand
Melvin is the guy who famously (he says) gave Howard Hughes a lift back to the Dunes Hotel in 1967 and therefore was bequeathed 1/16th of Hughes's estate in his 1976 will, and he hasn't given up yet. His story has been reported, litigated, re-reported, and re-litigated, with the same result: hoax. The federal appeals court in Denver just threw out Dummar's latest, which was a 2007 lawsuit "proving" a conspiracy to deny him his share. Salt Lake Tribune
Comments 'melvin_dummar'

I know it's summertime, and it's hot, but . . .
In just the last couple of days, men in Tallahassee, Fla., Stevensin, Calif., Rocklin, Calif., and Adelaide, Australia, were picked up for public nudity. (And it's not that hot in Australia!) The Aussie managed to knock himself out cold at a football game, and the Tallahassee guy said he was just doing what Allah told him to do (among other orders: watch a Bruce Willis movie), and the Rocklin guy, well, he's a cop. Associated Press via New York Times // Merced Sun-Star // KOVR-TV (Sacramento) // Herald Sun (Melbourne)
Comments 'summer_nudity'

Astrology is a major career field in Thailand
In tough political and financial times, even 26¢ a minute doesn't seem harsh when it comes to "fate management." (Bonus: This major profile is of a practitioner named Luck Rakhanithes.) One of the old lions of the field complains, though: "Before, it took years to build up a reputation [but] with television and the Internet and mobile phones, it seems all you have to do is make a lucky guess to hit the big time." Wall Street Journal
Comments 'thailand_astrology'

The wheelchair-accessible Appalachian Trail
Jeez, I'm for mainstreaming the disabled, but I don't know about digging out the pristine wilderness of the Appalachian Trial in order to put in a 900-ft-long boardwalk so wheelchaired people can hike all of 900 feet. A fourth short boardwalk was just created, and a fifth will be done before long. Associated Press via Times Argus (Barre, Vt.)
Comments 'wheelchair_appalachian'

Update: Nebraska's drop box for unwanted babies works just like they feared it would
Unlike other states' safe-haven laws, with drop boxes at fire stations and hospitals to collect unwanted infants as an alternative to bad parenting or abortion, Nebraska's defines the protected class as all minors. So, what if your 15-yr-old won't stop sassing you? Can you give him up? Answer, as of this last weekend: Yup. JournalStar (Lincoln)
Comments 'nebraska_dropbox'

Your Daily Loser
In northern Florida, near Lake City, Mary Davis, 63, in a domestic brawl with her beloved husband, resisted cops' effort to break it up. She jumped in her car (door still open), backed up, hit a lawn mower, then allegedly aimed the car at the officers, missed, fell out the open door, and finally, was run over by her own car. She was in critical condition. FirstCoastNews.com (Jacksonville)
Comments 'mary_davis'

Your Daily Jury Duty
[no fair examining the evidence; verdict must be based on mugshot only]
Harold Stephens, 60, Dade City, Fla., charged with shooting his neighbor because the neighbor tried to charge Stephens $20 to move a shed over to Stephens's property after the neighbor had sold it to him. Stephens didn't think that was right, since he is confined to a wheelchair. Ahhh, none of this matters, anyway. WTVT (Tampa) // St. Petersburg Times (backstory)
Comments 'harold_stephens'

More Things to Worry About on Tuesday
At a soccer match in Congo, the goalie on the team that was losing decided on a game-changing tactic: incanting spells to weaken the other team (infuriating the other team and their fans and when it was all over, 11 were dead) . . . . . The UK's least competent boater, Stuart Hill (e.g., had to be rescued 7 times in the summer of 2001), had to be rescued again Sunday . . . . . Another one o' dem "prominent Saudi clerics" issued another clarification: Ordinary rodents are so despicable to Muslims that Mickey Mouse has to be put down, too (and Mickey's even worse, for his symbolizing of Western values) . . . . . The Titusville, Fla., city council is mulling Mark Homnick's request for a $745k tax break for deciding to set up his business there, which would be the business of an interactive exhibit showing tourists just how cool it will be once they visit, or move to, Mars . . . . . Recession? Indescribable British "artist" Damien Hirst's auction over the weekend brought him, er, £70.5m ($126m). Today's Newsrangers: Joe Littrell, Scott Langill, Perry Levin, Vic McDonald, Candy Clouston, Brandon Bowers, and Emmitt Dove
Comments 'worry_080916'

Editor's Note
Periodically, according to my psychotherapist, it's good for me to write a little note like this, apologizing to those many readers who tip me to stories but to whom I do not supply personal notes back. This way, I can shed some guilt while facilitating my continuing disorganization and drift. Also, she assures me that this little tactic can actually be an inspiration to the approximately one person in 100,000 who is actually worse off in this way than I am. Please, I beg you to accept my apology. Thank you.

Posted By: Chuck - Tue Sep 16, 2008 - Comments (0)
Category:

Dolls and Waffles

These look like instant collector's items -- if you're a collector of politically-incorrect political memorabilia.

The Sarah Palin School Girl action figure, sold by HeroBuilders.com. Kathleen Angco-Vieweg, an assistant professor of sociology at American International College in Springfield, Mass., has denounced it as sexist, saying it implies that the only power attractive women have "is to turn on a man instead of using their brains and intellect."

Then there are Obama Waffles, which some entrepreneurs were selling at the recent Values Voter Summit. The AP reports that they "play off the old image of the pancake-mix icon Aunt Jemima, which has been widely criticized as a demeaning stereotype. Obama is portrayed with popping eyes and big, thick lips as he stares at a plate of waffles and smiles broadly."

So where's all the politically-incorrect McCain memorabilia?

Posted By: Alex - Tue Sep 16, 2008 - Comments (4)
Category: Politics