Weird Universe Archive
February 2009
February 11, 2009
Feed the Pig
There's something disconcerting about Benjamin Bankes, spokespig for the American Institute of Certified Public Accountant's "feed the pig" campaign. Yeah, I know the pig is supposed to represent a piggy bank. But to me it looks more like something out of a horror film, especially with that gouge in its head. Judge for yourself.The picture below shows Benjamin Bankes on tour in Ligonier, Pennsylvania.
Posted By: Alex - Wed Feb 11, 2009 -
Comments (6)
Category: Animals
Flirty Love Notes
Valentines Day is this weekend. MSN Lifestyle has some tips for "flirty love note openers":Come hither.
Won’t you come out to play?
Let’s get it started.
Let’s misbehave.
You turn me on
Love me tender.
Meet me in the bedroom, pronto.
Let me smooch you all over.
I have a craving for you.
Let me show you my bedroom skills.
Come here, you sexy thing.
I want you. And I get what I want.
Be mine, baby.
Wanna turn in early with me?
7pm: Seduction time.
I'm wearing your favorite stillettos...
Slow dance with me.
Sit, stay, watch me dance.
Hearts today, heat tonight.
Let’s steam up the windows
Won’t you come out to play?
Let’s get it started.
Let’s misbehave.
You turn me on
Love me tender.
Meet me in the bedroom, pronto.
Let me smooch you all over.
I have a craving for you.
Let me show you my bedroom skills.
Come here, you sexy thing.
I want you. And I get what I want.
Be mine, baby.
Wanna turn in early with me?
7pm: Seduction time.
I'm wearing your favorite stillettos...
Slow dance with me.
Sit, stay, watch me dance.
Hearts today, heat tonight.
Let’s steam up the windows
It seems to me that many of these openers are just begging to be completed in an appropriate fashion, and I'm hoping the Weird Universe readers won't let me down.
Posted By: Alex - Wed Feb 11, 2009 -
Comments (6)
Category: Holidays
February 10, 2009
Pavel Tsatsouline
Submit to the stern Russian discipline of Pavel Tsatsouline!!!
Posted By: Paul - Tue Feb 10, 2009 -
Comments (12)
Category: Exercise and Fitness, Fads, Russia
Pat Paulsen in Blackface
As you might expect, this segment never made it to the airwaves.
Posted By: Paul - Tue Feb 10, 2009 -
Comments (9)
Category: Political Correctness, Stereotypes and Cliches, Television, 1970s
“First, Do No Harm” (However . . .), Plus Crazy Joe And Crazier Jesse
News of the Weird DailyTuesday, February 10, 2009 [still running behind the news a bit]
A potential game-changer for online comment boards
A judge in Tarrant County, Tex., ordered a news site (Topix) to disclose the ID's of 178 comment-posters to a story about three people accused of sexually assaulting a woman. Turned out that the three were found not guilty but that that didn't stop the commenters from accusing them of vile things, so two of the three (a married couple) are suing the commenters for libel. (But, but, but—the Internet's supposed to be anonymous. On the Internet, people are not supposed to be able to find out you're a dog.) WFAA-TV (Fort Worth)
Comments 'comments_libel'
Doctors think differently than we do
Tennessee anesthesiologist Visuvalingam Vilvarajah was arrested and charged in Kentucky with writing a lot of recreational prescriptions. His license had been revoked earlier after he was convicted of murdering his wife and mother-in-law, but then he "paid his debt to society" (by serving 5 yrs of his 20-yr sentence), and when he got out, the state re-licensed him. (Bonus: The state health dept. doctors said that was routine procedure, that murdering two people does not reflect on your ability to administer pain medication.) The Tennessean
Comments 'doctor_vilvarajah'
The tricky law of smokers' rights
Roxanne Stevenson claimed illegal discrimination in Kelowna, British Columbia, when she didn't get that job she wanted. The interviewer said Stevenson was hacking all the way through their session (but wait, that's a "medical condition," and ya can't discriminate), and besides, she has a history of missing work for being pulmonarily sick (but wait, that's beyond her control because she has an "addiction"). On the other hand, if she gives off the aroma of "large ashtray," the company is on safe ground because that interferes with co-workers' productivity. Vancouver Sun
Comments 'roxanne_stevenson'
More Things to Worry About
An Ohio woman is in trouble, not necessarily for her randiness about wanting to communicate online sexily with men, but because she needed someone to take nude pictures of her and recruited as photographers her kids (ages 8, 11, 12). Chronicle-Telegram (Elyria, Ohio)
Who's more dangerous: The guy claiming to be a doctor, selling a hodgepodge of cheap pharmaceuticals (and injections!), or the guy's customers in Bastrop, La., who thought it was normal to buy from a doctor working out of a green pickup truck? (Bonus: The Bastrop Daily Enterprise thinks its readers understand the word "faux.") Bastrop Daily Enterprise [link from Fark.com]
Failure to keep a low profile: A former Bonanno crime family hit man ("Crazy Joe"), living quietly in witness-protection as a pizza parlor owner on the F State's east coast, blew his cover by beating the crap out of a customer who complained about his calzone. New York Daily News
Ice fishermen are different from us so they'll take ridiculous chances (e.g., What's a little 4-inch crack in the ice at dawn, not like it's gonna get bigger as the sun comes out, right?) just to get in a few hours of dangling that line for walleye (but one of 'em is no longer with us). Plain Dealer (Cleveland)
A judge in Malaysia couldn't decide which of the 27-yr-old identical twin brothers was the evil one (in a 2003 murder) so he had to let 'em both go (because eyewitness ID's are shaky enough as it is, but distinguishing these two guys . . .?). New Straits Times via Fox News
Latest stupid 911 call (Boynton Beach, Fla.): Send the cops because Burger King ran out of lemonade! Associated Press via Miami Herald
Comments on Things to Worry About?
Comments 'worry_090210'
Your Daily Loser
A 34-yr-old man in Kingston, Ontario, beat himself up pretty good with his fists (swollen lip; bloody nose, possibly broken) just to get a day off work. Whig-Standard (Kingston)
Comments 'kingston_nosepuncher'
Your Daily Jury Duty
["In America, a person is presumed innocent until the mug shot is released"]
Jesse Shaw, 18, might have just gotten into a fight with an F State sheriff's deputy, but the reporter helpfully noted that Shaw's hair always looks like that. Star-Banner (Ocala, Fla.)
Comments 'jesse_shaw'
Editor's Note
Well, now, it was quite refreshing yesterday to see that so many people read News of the Weird Daily! Thanks to each of you. I'm afflicted with the same disorder that struck President Carter in 1980 when he paid tribute, at the Democratic Nat'l Convention, to that revered senator from Minnesota, "Hubert Horatio Hornblower." (Backstory, if you missed yesterday's edition: There was a mistake, but I don't need to "correct" it because everybody already knows it, anyway.)
Comments 'editors_090210'
Today's Newsrangers: Sandy Pearlman, Tom Barker, Joe Littrell, Leonard Dozois, Harry Farkas
Posted By: Chuck - Tue Feb 10, 2009 -
Comments (0)
Category:
Emergency Camel
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But on a related topic, if 80-100 people suddenly show up at your house and you need something to feed them, this recipe for whole stuffed camel could come in useful. The ingredients include an entire lamb, 20 chickens, 110 gallons of water, and, of course, a camel.
Posted By: Alex - Tue Feb 10, 2009 -
Comments (13)
Category: Animals
Electric Stimulus to Face
A man uses electric stimuli to synchronize facial twitches with music. It starts slow, but eventually the twitching begins in earnest.
Posted By: Alex - Tue Feb 10, 2009 -
Comments (7)
Category: Music, Video
February 9, 2009
Tuba Music
Some sounds from a justly maligned instrument.Tuba Groove - BCC Band
Posted By: Paul - Mon Feb 09, 2009 -
Comments (3)
Category: Music
Follies of the Mad Men #55
Of course, every beautiful young woman I know always asks for prune juice in a cocktail glass whenever she's out in public.
Posted By: Paul - Mon Feb 09, 2009 -
Comments (5)
Category: Business, Advertising, Products, Food, Excrement, 1960s
Inadequate Care of Excrement, Plus Fire in the O.R.
News of the Weird DailyMonday, February 9, 2009 [part one, mostly left over from last week]
It doesn't get any more surreal than this
A grad student is suing Leeds Univ. for getting rid of his caca. He'd been studying the Butaan lizard in the Philippines for 7 yrs and had painstakingly sifted through their trails of dirt, collecting 77 lbs. of number-two (to help guess its diet), turd by turd, fleck by fleck, taking it back to England, storing it all in a lab. But while he was away from school, custodians mistakenly incinerated it. His entire 7-yr professional output . . shot. Nonetheless, Leeds's lawyers said, You're suing us for what? Daily Telegraph
Comments 'feces_lawsuit'
Golfer hit in head with ball, loses mind
Paul Sanchez, 20 [CORRECTION: age 67], an "occasional" golfer, filed a lawsuit against a golf course in Manchester, N.H., for a 2006 incident in which his tee shot hit a yard marker and ricocheted into his right eye. Sanchez said they should have warned him that could happen. Seriously. Union Leader
Comments 'paul_sanchez'
Education official unaware of spell-check
Britain's Schools Minister, Jim Knight, is a Member of Parliament, was educated at Cambridge, and has a blog, which contains the following words: maintainence, convicned, curently, similiar, prnsioners, reccess, receieved, and archeaological, among others. Daily Telegraph
Comments 'minister_spellcheck'
More Things to Worry About
It only happens to 600 patients a yr (out of 50m surgeries), but jeez, 600 patients catching fire in the OR? (Bonus: Oxygen makes it like a blowtorch.) WBAL-TV (Baltimore) via WMTW-TV (Portland, Maine)
London's Daily Mail found a man who said he was forced to yank out 13 teeth with his pliers because he couldn't find a gov't dentist. (Bonus: He smiled for the camera.) (Double Bonus: "It didn't hurt as much as you might think.") Daily Mail
In Nova Scotia, Penny Boudreau confessed to strangling her only daughter, 12, supposedly because her boyfriend Vernon MacCumber gave her the ultimatum, her or me (and as you can see by the photo, what woman wouldn't sacrifice her only child for a cutie like Vernon?). Daily Mail (London)
Most Undignified Death: He lost control of his car near Los Banos, Calif.; it rolled down a hill; he survived and climbed back to the highway; another driver ran over him. Modesto Bee
A man robbed two convenience stores in Colorado Springs last week within an hour of each other, wielding a small sword, and the thing is, both clerks independently told police that they recognized the sword as a "bat'leth," a Klingon sword, from Star Wars. [CORRECTION: OK, OK, enough! You know what it's from.] KMGH-TV (Denver)
Comments on Things to Worry About?
Comments 'worry_090209'
People Whose Sex Lives Are Worse Than Yours
A woman in Des Moines, Iowa, complained to police that she was trying to help a stranger in a wheelchair when he got all testy about it, wheeled himself over to her, locked his chair, stood on one leg, and "exposed himself" at her. Des Moines Register
Comments 'wheelchair_flasher'
Your Daily Jury Duty
["In America, a person is presumed innocent until the mug shot is released"]
Ya think Stephen Bishop, 49, robbed that liquor store in Grover Beach, Calif.? TheSmokingGun.com [Language Warning!]
Comments 'stephen_bishop'
Posted By: Chuck - Mon Feb 09, 2009 -
Comments (0)
Category:
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| Who We Are |
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| Alex Boese Alex is the creator and curator of the Museum of Hoaxes. He's also the author of various weird, non-fiction books such as Elephants on Acid. Paul Di Filippo Paul has been paid to put weird ideas into fictional form for over thirty years, in his career as a noted science fiction writer. He has recently begun blogging on many curious topics with three fellow writers at The Inferior 4+1. Chuck Shepherd Chuck is the purveyor of News of the Weird, the syndicated column which for decades has set the gold-standard for reporting on oddities and the bizarre. Our banner was drawn by the legendary underground cartoonist Rick Altergott. Contact Us |
