News of the Weird/Pro Edition
February 1, 2010
Exceptionally Inexplicable Dispatches from Last Week
(datelines January 23-January 30) (links correct as of February 1)
Proudly Insipid Meat, Plus Teen Taxidermist, Porn That Kills, and Aryan Hyperprocreation
One benefit of the "mad cow" panic of the 1990s is that the federal government banned the Scottish face-scrunching, taste-bud-numbing delicacy
haggis from our shores. It's a boiled bag of sheep innards, oatmeal, suet, and pepper, and substituting beef innards just didn't work out for expatriate Scots. The Department of Agriculture announced that it would soon lift the ban.
The Guardian (London)
Pastor Fred Munger Armfield, 60, of Greenwood, S.C., was arrested just after an encounter with a prostitute, and according to police, confessed. Six days later, he changed his mind and denied that any such "transaction" took place. His legal analysis is that "cash" can't be used to prove a violation of law, citing a court case that he says invalidates "Federal Reserve Notes." (Bonus: The "cash" involved in this transaction was apparently five one-dollar bills.) More from Armfield's petition: "[I am a] descendant of the original Moro-Pithecus Disoch, Kenyapithecus and Afro Pithecus, whose ancestors roamed from that point throughout the world. A living flesh and blood being with sovereign status. A femme couteur
[CORRECTION: couleur] libre." (Second Bonus: The party of the second part, Melinda Robinson, is known around town as "Truck Stop.")
The Index-Journal (Greenwood)
Another American original is Wolfie Blackheart, 18, of San Antonio, Tex., a self-described tail-wagging werewolf. She has Tourette's syndrome (which causes her to yip). She wears a harness and collar (because she "belongs" to someone). She happens to be an expert animal decapitator, on a career path to taxidermy. That means, though, that she's a perennial suspect any time neighborhood pets go missing. (She swears she only does roadkill.)
Express-News (San Antonio)
(Update) April Gaede, the super-white mother whose teen spawn (Lynx and Lamb) made the news four years ago as the duo "Prussian Blue," singing neo-Nazi numbers [
NOTW 930, 12-4-2005], is on to a new project. a no-fee matchmaking service for fertile Aryans, to increase their numbers. April said her one regret in life is "the many years that I lost in which I could have produced four to six more children with that ideal eugenic quality that [Lynx and Lamb] possess." The daughters, by the way, have apparently soured of life on the road with Mom.
Southern Poverty Law Center blog
(Update) Great Moments in
Schadenfreude: The U.S. Supreme Court turned down Paul Powell's death-sentence appeal in a case so legally complicated that it clearly got the best of him. Virginia prosecutors thought it was enough to qualify Powell for the needle if they proved he killed a woman and
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