Weird Universe Archive
March 2011
March 9, 2011
Follies of the Mad Men #133
The problem here is the product, first of all. Who wants to smell like a hillbilly? We all know what hillbillies smell like: manure, chewing tobacco, unwashed linens and athlete's foot. Given this product to tout, all the advertising guy could come up with is a Daisy Mae-type figure totally emasculating the wearer of this cologne. Good going!
Posted By: Paul - Wed Mar 09, 2011 -
Comments (2)
Category: Business, Advertising, Products, Hygiene, Regionalism, 1960s, Perfume and Cologne and Other Scents
March 8, 2011
Next Time Shower At Home
Timothy James Chapek's B&E career just isn't working out. After breaking into a Portland, Oregon home he decided to take a shower. Unfortunately, for Tim, he did not have nearly as much time to lounge around as he thought. The homeowner, and his 2 German shepherds, came home and asked Tim what he was doing in the house. Tim locked himself in the bathroom and called 911 requesting help as he feared the homeowner might have a gun, you know, in addition to the 2 German shepherds
Update: Our boy Tim was not finished with just B&E. Failure to appear in court and car theft are also in his repertoire.
Posted By: Alex - Tue Mar 08, 2011 -
Comments (3)
Category:
Big Tree Inn
I sure wish it was still around.
(Click image for more detail.)
Posted By: Paul - Tue Mar 08, 2011 -
Comments (2)
Category: Restaurants, 1910s, Natural Wonders
News of the Weird / Pro Edition (March 8, 2011)
News of the Weird/Pro EditionYou're Still Not Cynical Enough
March 8, 2011
(datelines February 26-March 5) (links correct as of March 7)
Below The Fold
They stage Spielberg-quality attention-to-detail scenarios--of illnesses, including at-death's-door--just to get online sympathy: Münchausen by Internet! The Guardian (London)
Caught naked in her teenage lover's closet: the 40-year-old Mary Magdalene (uh, Mary Magdalene Collier). WTTG-TV (Washington, D.C.)
Evidently, publishing on the Internet is too difficult for this guy to master so he publishes his novel, page by page, by taping it to streetlamps in New York City's East Village. New York Post
Medical Marvel: A Chinese farmer who has endured unspeakable colonic inconveniences in his life now has cause for rejoicing: Doctors just gave him a new anus! Global Times (Beijing)
Ms. Rakel Daniele thought her lottery ticket had won $250,000 because that's what WABC-TV (New York City) had on the screen. Turns out the station had just forgotten to change the screen from the day before. She no win; she sue. Fox News
How bad could Mom be? A Brooklyn, N.Y., divorce judge awarded custody of the teenager to his dad. Mom's got a $90,000-a-year job; Dad is homeless (storefronts, shelters). New York Post
Day-Care Combos: (1) In Morganton, N.C., a combo day-care and meth lab, apparently. (2) In Pittsburgh, Pa., a combo day-care and sex-toy playroom. Gaston Gazette (Gastonia) /// WPXI-TV (Pittsburgh)
Flash! Briton Jessica Davey, 22, has more time than you and I have. Her car was booted and set for towing but she locked herself inside and won a 30-hour standoff with the parking inspector until he tore up the ticket. News.com.au (Sydney)
Leading Economic Indicator: Pizza parlor wars of Upper Darby, Pa., are so vicious that Uncle Nick's and Verona are creating retaliatory mouse infestations. Associated Press via Yahoo News
Finally, from artist Lydia Leith, the finest in souvenirware for the upcoming Royal Wedding: commemorative barf bags. Agence France-Presse via Yahoo News
Posted By: Chuck - Tue Mar 08, 2011 -
Comments (1)
Category:
March 7, 2011
Creative 404 “File Not Found” messages
I'm giving you the internet page to get to this listing, but kudos to whoever spent the time to come up with some innovative 404 messages.http://ibiblio.org/gutenberg
My favorites are:
Australian -- Strewth mate yer bloody page has shot through
binary -- 001101000011000000110100001000000100011001
001001010011000100010100100000
010011100100111101010100001000
000100011001001111010101010100111001000100
Cockney -- No chance luv, carrnt find it neever.
Fail -- Your page already boarded the failboat.
Klingon -- De'teywI' 'agh vonlu'.
Mac User -- This wouldn't have happened if you were using a Mac.
Mid-Michigan dairy farm colloquialism -- That file is cow's-legs-up.
Obi Wan -- These are not the files you're looking for. Move along.
Pirate -- Haaarr, Lubber! I've sailed yon seas with toil and trial, and yet I cannot find ye file!
Tech Support -- Are you sure your computer is plugged in?
Zombie -- Arrgrg 404 BrAiNs aAAArrggh No ggrrgrh page brAiNz heRe BrAAAAIIINNSSSS!
There are lots of German messages I would love to have translated, and there is even a place for you to donate your own!!
If you can speak any of the languages listed, I am curious to know if they are translated correctly.
Posted By: gdanea - Mon Mar 07, 2011 -
Comments (1)
Category: Computers
How Beboppers Greet Each Other
At least, this is how it was done according to Life magazine for October 11, 1948.
Posted By: Paul - Mon Mar 07, 2011 -
Comments (5)
Category: Music, Bohemians, Beatniks, Hippies and Slackers, 1940s, Slang
March 6, 2011
News of the Weird / Pro Edition (March 7, 2011)
News of the Weird/Pro EditionYou're Still Not Cynical Enough
Prime Cuts of Underreported News from Last Week, Hand-Picked and Lightly Seasoned by Chuck Shepherd
March 7, 2011
(datelines February 26-March 5) (links correct as of March 7)
Myanmar's Girlyboy, Plus the Chocolate Syrup Shower and the 40-Million-Year-Long Tryst
From Yr Editor
Last week, the pervos were in bloom, messed-up government continued to out-weird messed-up people, and Yr Editor barely could summon the ability (but succeeded, working overtime) to produce a completely-Sheen-free edition.
★ ★ ★ ★!
Myanmar's Cross-Dressing Strongman General: Senior Gen. Than Shwe appeared on TV recently in a women's sarong (but, really, it's not an Eddie Izzard thing). "Superstition" permeates Burmese society much as "sex" permeates America. Men, too, wear sarongs but of markedly different designs than women's, i.e., they don't switch off unless it's on purpose. Myanmar's generals run Asia's most oppressive regime, and apparently the only semi-effective opposition in recent years has been the "Panty Party," protests in which women's drawers are tossed at the generals or their property in the hope of feminizing them (i.e., sapping their masculine strength). It is possible that it was the generals' fear of Pantyism that caused them to release freedom fighter Aung San Suu Kyi from house arrest. So, Gen. Than's appearance on TV in a girly sarong constitutes either a taunt (I see your damn panties, and I'm still in charge!) or a protective immunizing against further weakening. Or, it's a personal ad (there's no Craigslist in Myanmar). AOL News
The Worst of the Worst: You can have your Benny Hinns and your Creflow Dollars and your Eddie Longs. The bottom of the barrel (i.e., the most wretched of the Christian fundie grifters) is Peter Popoff of Los Angeles, and KABC-TV did a takedown for Popoff's pushing of "debt cancellation" kits. Debt collectors hounding you? God "wants to cancel, erase, wipe out, obliterate your debt." If ya can spare it, send me what little money you have left, and miracles will come! Pray harder, don't buy things you don't need, and of course support Peter Popoff Ministries. KABC-TV
The Federal Government Believes Schoolteacher Quality Is So Important That It Has 82 (Overlapping, Duplicative) Programs to Improve It: GAO went over the whole federal layout to see what efficiencies could be gained by merely stopping different agencies from doing the very same things (a project that GAO has apparently been too busy to do for the last, what, 40 years). Help disadvantaged people with transportation? 80 different federal programs. Job training? 47. Help people understand basic finances? 56. [ed. The problem remains, of course: Bureaucrats from mid-level on up never accept contractions in their organization charts. That's why the overlaps were created in the first place. Find me just one bureaucrat who cheerfully accepts that he'll be less important tomorrow than he is today.] Wall Street Journal
Calypso Louie, Back on the Big Stage: Nation of Islam leader Louis Farrakhan, in a (typical) four-hour speech on his religion's Saviours' Day, praised Scientology founder L. Ron Hubbard for recognizing that white people needed civilizing (the first, excellent step toward which, Farrakhan said, is running them through Scientology's "auditing" process). He also warned the U.S.'s Muslim president that America will soon be experiencing the revolutions now seen in the Middle East and urged Mr. Obama not to attack innocent people when that happens. [Please, President Obama, for the love of God! No fire hoses! No dogs! No lynchings!] Chicago Tribune
Can't Possibly Be True: An Alcohol, Tobacco, and Firearms agent told CBS News (with backup evidence) that the agency is actually facilitating the Mexican drug cartels' bloodbath by running a cute little mapping-type program on the border, where it inventories the weapons of various dealers and then merely monitors where the weapons wind up. Neat-o! No responsibility yet for what the cartels do with the weapons. Analogy: What if the CDC actually created the infamous AIDS "Patient Zero" just to construct a map of infectees? (Well, so far, the only American death pinned to an ATF-monitored gun is one Border Patrol agent.) According to the agent-squealer, ATF is doing this because some day--some day, mind you!--they'll have a good enough map that they can get indictments! Arrest warrants! Trials! CBS News
More in extended >>
Posted By: Chuck - Sun Mar 06, 2011 -
Comments (7)
Category:
Picture Perfect
Panasonic has come out with a cool new camera. The camera re-touches photos when it takes them. It can do stuff like whiten teeth, remove dark circles, even apply makeup on the photo subjects. I suspect it will be a popular piece of equipment..
Posted By: Alex - Sun Mar 06, 2011 -
Comments (2)
Category:
March 5, 2011
Flintstones Rock Out
Did you ever wonder what the theme song to The Flintstones might sound like if it had been performed by, oh, say, a group that echoed The Association ("Along Comes Mary," etc)?
Well, here's your chance to fulfill your fantasy!
Posted By: Paul - Sat Mar 05, 2011 -
Comments (1)
Category: Music, Cartoons, 1960s
Spinnolio
Who's the real dummy (or dummies)?
Posted By: Paul - Sat Mar 05, 2011 -
Comments (1)
Category: Anthropomorphism, Puppets and Automatons, Myths and Fairytales, 1970s, Parody
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| Alex Boese Alex is the creator and curator of the Museum of Hoaxes. He's also the author of various weird, non-fiction books such as Elephants on Acid. Paul Di Filippo Paul has been paid to put weird ideas into fictional form for over thirty years, in his career as a noted science fiction writer. He has recently begun blogging on many curious topics with three fellow writers at The Inferior 4+1. Chuck Shepherd Chuck is the purveyor of News of the Weird, the syndicated column which for decades has set the gold-standard for reporting on oddities and the bizarre. Our banner was drawn by the legendary underground cartoonist Rick Altergott. Contact Us |
