Your Daily Loser - Romeo Montillano, of San Diego, California, wanted to be a cop more than anything. Well, almost. Apparently he wanted to be a burglar more. The Story.
Jury Duty - No good deed shall go unpunished! 81 year-old James Stacy of Akron, Ohio, has been charged with criminal damaging after he took a pickaxe and a broom to a pothole in front of his driveway to clear debris. One of Mr. Stacy's neighbors summed up the situation pretty well when she said, "I think this whole thing is asinine." The Story.
Your Daily Loser - Pauline Terry wrote a letter to the police denying that her Club Compass in Ramsgate, Kent was a haven for drug taking. Unfortunately she wrote that letter on a piece of paper that was coated with cocaine. The Story.
Jury Duty - Some morons will do anything for money. For instance, William Cunningham was recently sentenced to 100 years in prison for poisoning his children's soup in order to extort money from the Campbell's Soup company. The Story. I'm guessing he won't be getting a card on father's day. (This is also further proof that men with facial hair can't be trusted.)
Your Daily Loser(s) - You might think you need to have some brains to get into college, but apparently not always. Three 18 year-old Salem State College students wandered into the local police station to report an accident. They were advised that they needed to wait for an officer on patrol to come by and take their statements. So, they decided to hang out in the parking lot... and have a few drinks to pass the time. The Story.
Jury Duty - Someone needs to explain to these guys that you don't literally have to break into Show Business. The Goffney twins of South Jersey have had a few run-ins with the law, and are now accused of more than 30 rooftop breakins. But their main goal is to make it big in the gay porn industry. The Story.
Your Daily Loser - Andrew Wilson of Bristol is the first person to ever be convicted of getting a dog drunk. Wilson was looking after the American Bulldog when he got the bright idea to give the dog a can of Stella Artois beer. Of course the beer came after he had already forced the poor dog to drink some Vodka. The Story. I guess if you're going to make a dog drunk, you should stick with the premium alcoholic beverages.
Jury Duty - George C. Dalmas III used to work for the CIA. I say used to because he was arrested and charged with seventeen burglaries in the McLean, Virginia, area. And sure, he took money and jewelry, but police also recovered more than 1,000 pairs of women's underwear. The Story. // The Mugshot.
Your Daily Loser - Criminals will blame anyone and everything but themselves when they get caught. Jonathan Lee Riches of Nashville says that he was influenced by NASCAR when he was caught driving 135 MPH. It was also NASCAR's fault that he was forced to steal credit cards in order to attend races... oh, and he was poisoned by DuPont chemicals from Jeff Gordon's race car. The Story.
Jury Duty - With a name like Honesty, how can you go wrong? Honesty Knight, from Muncie, Indiana, was a passenger in a friend's car when that car was pulled over by a state trooper. While the trooper was talking to the friend, Honesty asked if she could smoke. The officer agreed, and good Ol' Honesty lit up... a joint.
Your Daily Loser - During an argument over Italian music, the wife poured beer on the husband's laptop, so he went postal... and during the fight, he fell on her. Six weeks later the wife died from chest injuries sustained when the husband fell on her, so he was arrested and tried for causing bodily injuries by negligence. The Story.
Jury Duty - The forty year-old son, who was getting drunk with his mom at 2:00 AM, decided he didn't like her attitude, so he whipped out the Taser and let her have it. The Story and the Mugshot.
New research out this week says that women's handbags are getting bigger, and so are providing bigger rewards for criminals. Most worryingly, according to ID fraud experts CPP, these larger bags are encouraging women to carry around personal documents such as their passport, bank statements or payslips that are indispensable to an identity thief, leading to an increase in cases of bag theft. And it's not just women at risk, the same research also reveals that 1-in-10 men now tote a "man-bag", most with personal documents inside (Telegraph).
Unfortunately, the advice to keep an eye on your handbag came too late for one member of the UK's "Serious Organised Crime Agency" (a sort of British FBI). On arriving at the main airport in Bogota, Colombia, to gather information on the drug cartels there, the unnamed agent managed to lose her handbag, and with it the memory-stick she was carrying containing the names and addresses of dozens of SOCA's informants and operatives. According to sources the agent is "a lovely girl but a bit daft and scatterbrained", just the sort of person to be transporting information vital to your country's war on drugs then (The Australian).
Of course, it's not always what's taken out of your handbag that can get you into trouble. A Melbourne woman faces five years in a Thailand jail for stealing a beermat, even though two people have come forward and testified that she is innocent and they hid the mat in her handbag. The woman's lawyer has appealed to the Prime Minister of Thailand to intervene in the case (ABC News).
Somehow I don't think the same excuse would work for Teresa Tambunting though. Tambunting, who worked for Jacmel Jewelry in New York, is alleged to have fashioned a hidden pocket in the lining of her handbag and smuggled out over $12 million in gold over the course of 5 years. Surprisingly, money doesn't seem to have been the motive, and soon after the company began an investigation into the higher than expected "manufacturing losses", Tambunting returned a suitcase containing 66lbs of gold pellets. Police later recovered another 447lbs from her Scarsdale home (The Times).
But even loaded with gold, Mrs Tambunting's handbags would fare a poor second in value to those of a certain Mrs Beckham. Victoria "Posh" Beckham, perhaps in a bid to be to handbags what Imelda Marcos was to shoes, has amassed an incredible collection of over 100 designer handbags. Specifically, they are all by one designer, Hermès, and all of one design, his extremely desirable (apparently) "Birkin" model, named for actress Jane Birkin, which start from around $7000 a piece. Beckham's entire collection, which she refers to as "an investment", is worth an estimated $2.3 million (Female First).
Your Daily Loser - Michael Tiernan said "If I get fired or lose my job, nobody is coming out of this building alive." Why was he so upset? He was suspended from his janitorial job in a Washington County school for chasing another employee around with a snake. The Story.
Jury Duty - Yet another genius criminal who gives himself away by leaving his name at the scene. Only this time, Dustin Craig Borders signed a bible, because the crime scene was the Kingsley United Methodist Church in Sullivan, Indiana. The Story and Mugshot.
Your Daily Loser - In case you were wondering, it's not really water inside Old Faithful. The Old Faithful geyser in Yellowstone National Park has a webcam. But viewers got a different kind of eyeful a few days ago when two summer employees were caught urinating into the geyser. The Story.
Jury Duty - Carl Cornelle Jr. has been in and out of court for the last ten years, since he killed Arlene Miske in a head-on car accident. Carl was under the influence of drugs and alcohol and was originally convicted for negligent homicide. But he's still not in prison, is still addicted to drugs and even applied for a driver's license recently even though it was revoked for life after the accident. The Story.
Paul Di Filippo
Paul has been paid to put weird ideas into fictional form for over thirty years, in his career as a noted science fiction writer. He has recently begun blogging on many curious topics with three fellow writers at The Inferior 4+1.