Category:
Patents
Patent No. 1,591,905, granted to Oscar C. Williams of San Diego, CA in 1926, described this curious device.
It was a toy turtle. Its body was made of wood or aluminum, while the head, legs, and tail were made from lightweight cork. The user was supposed to insert several flies into the hollow body of the turtle. Their agitations once inside, as they sought to escape, would then cause the movable parts of the turtle to wag from side to side, as if the creature was alive.
I can see several drawbacks. First, you would have to catch some flies and maneuver them (alive) into the turtle. This was done by squeezing them through the leg hole. Handling a fly in this way seems like it could be a challenge.
And once in there, I imagine you'd have to wait until the flies died to get them back out. So, essentially, it was a fly torture device.
In 2017,
patent number KR20170003315A was granted to a Korean inventor for a "Mama Robot Device". The inventor's name is only given in Korean, so I'm not sure what it is, but Google translates it as Jeong In-pil.
The Mama Robot is creepy in many ways. As far as I can tell, it's a device that allows children to punish themselves when they know they've been naughty but their parents are away.
The child is able to decide how many lashes with a cane they deserve, and the Mama Robot will then deliver the punishment. As it does so, the prerecorded voice of the parent will admonish the child, but simultaneously the Mama Robot will weep "such that the sad feelings of the parent punishing are conveyed to the child."
A camera inside Mama Robot will record the entire event and then send the video to the parent's phone, as proof that punishment has been served.
I wonder, how many years of therapy would it take for a child to recover from having Mama Robot installed in their home?
Tesla recently applied for a patent to use laser beams to clean a car's windshield. They justify the lasers by explaining that they're needed to make sure the driver-assistance system maintains a clear field of view.
It's a long, technical application, which I didn't bother to read completely. So I assume they must have considered how it might be a bad idea to have lasers suddenly blasting away at a windshield while someone is driving the car... or even just sitting in the front seat.
More info:
Car and Driver
Carl Herold of Pittsburgh didn't think it made sense to sell shoe polish in tin containers, because the containers were so expensive that they added substantially to the cost of the shoe polish. So, back in 1872, he came up with a solution,
which he patented: pack shoe polish in animal guts.
The object of my invention is to provide a cheap and convenient mode or means for packing the ordinary shoe-blacking of commerce, which is now almost universally put up in shallow tin boxes, which, being expensive, comparatively, greatly enhances the price of the blacking thus packed... My improvement consists in putting shoe-blacking upon the market packed in the guts of animals, which will add but a trifle to the cost of the blacking.
Figure 1 is an elevation of a package of blacking put up in accordance with my invention. Fig. 2 is a transverse section thereof...
The blacking is packed in suitable lengths of animal guts A, which are then firmly tied up at both ends, presenting the appearance of a sausage. Each package should be wrapped in paper to prevent the grease or oil upon the outer surface of the package from soiling the hands in handling it. The blacking thus packed will retain its moisture, and consequently remain in a proper plastic state for a great length of time. In this condition it may be sold by the pound, each purchaser or user providing himself with a small saucer or other shallow vessel into which to empty portions of the package from time to time for use.
Patented An application for a patent on this product was filed by Patrick Kelleher of Monroe, New York in 2009. From the patent application:
Two popular food items, mayonnaise and cranberry sauce, are mixed together to form a new food item which is to be called Cramonnaise. This new item is to be packaged and labeled with the new name—Cramonnaise. The name is derived from parts of the names of the ingredients, cranberry sauce and mayonnaise.
The patent application was abandoned in 2019.
It seems to be a peculiar feature of mayonnaise blends that they inspire weird names.
Such as 'mayochup,' posted about previously.
Patent No. 4,344,424, granted to Lucy L. Barmby of Sacramento, California in 1982. From the patent description:
a primary object of this invention is to provide a new and novel device for preventing the consumption of food by an individual.
It goes into more detail about who the invention might benefit:
The temptation to eat which leads one to eat excessively is ever present and the ready availability of attractively prepared, taste-tempting foods makes the temptation to eat and therefore to over eat virtually irresistible. Frequently, this temptation is so great that compulsive eating is not uncommon and many persons are virtually without the strength of will to resist overeating. The average person, therefore, does have a problem as to the over consumption of food but, even worse, when certain individuals are exposed to food constantly such as chefs, cooks, restaurant personnel or the like, it is a foregone conclusion that these individuals will consume far more food than is proper particularly when such food is usually readily available at no cost. Typical of such groups of individuals is the housewife who must frequently cook meals during the day which generally includes the preparation of such fattening foods such as pies, pastries, and the like. During the preparation of such meals not only is there the temptation to nibble on the food being prepared but it is generally necessary that the food be tasted during preparation thereby constantly stimulating the appetite and promoting the consumption of large quantities of food.
I'm imagining a husband preparing to go to work and strapping the anti-eating face mask on his wife before he leaves.
But couldn't the wearer just lift the mask off? Nope. It's locked on, though "under emergency conditions, the strap may be cut and the face mask of the invention removed."
Edmonton Journal - Oct 8, 2006
The invention reminds me of
the Scold's Bridle, aka 'muzzle for ladies,' that some women were forced to wear back in olden times.
Patented by Thomas Lloyd Hollister in 1939. He called it a “gas receptor.” Basically, it was a fart collection bag. From the patent:
This invention relates to a device for receiving and storing gas formed by the digestion of foods. An object of the invention is the provision of a device for collecting and storing gas formed in the alimentary tract of the body and for absorbing liquids from the gases. Another object of the invention is the provision of a device for collecting and storing gas formed in the digestive tract, said device being removably suspended from the body and provided with a nipple having shielded perforations to permit gases to enter a storage chamber.
It's a toilet specially designed for men who suffer from being too well endowed. It's been in the news recently because the current acting Attorney General, Matthew Whitaker, once worked as the lawyer for the company that patented (or sought to patent) it.
From the 2014 press release announcing the "Masculine Toilet":
The average male genitalia is between 5" and 6". However, this invention is designed for those of us who measure longer than that. I estimate that a 12" distance is adequate enough for most well-endowed men, though I would not be surprised if there are cases who need a greater distance. Nevertheless, for the time being, this is a good starting point.
The Masculine Toilet reminds me of the
Toilet Sanitary Shield For Men, which we posted about back in 2015. That was another device designed for men with oversized equipment.
The Invention Merit Badge has the distinction of being the least-earned boy scout merit badge ever. Only 10 people ever earned it. The primary reason for this being that it required a scout to "invent and patent some useful article," which was a pretty high bar to set. After only three years the scout organization decided it was too much of a challenge and discontinued the badge. So it was only offered from 1911 to 1914. It was eventually replaced in 2010 by an Inventing badge which didn't have the patent requirement.
Enthusiasts of scout history have tried to figure out who the 10 winners of the badge were and what they invented, but so far it seems that only one of the patents has been identified. It was a "uniform coat with a removable false sleeve on which Scouts could sew merit badges and rank badges," patented by Graeme Thomas Smallwood of Washington, D.C.
More info:
Scouting Magazine,
"History of the Invention Merit Badge" [pdf]
Graeme Smallwood
Patent awarded to Paul Bungo of Ambridge, Pennsylvania - July 20, 1971:
A principal object of the present invention is to provide a whisper seat for a toilet and which prevents sounds, made within a toilet bowl during a bowel movement, from being heard by other persons.
Another object is to provide a whisper seat which accordingly will eliminate the embarrassment to an occupant of a bath room that persons outside thereof have heard him during a bowel movement.
I can't imagine that this invention actually worked, because how would it stop the sound from coming out from between your legs?