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Weird Universe News Service
April 3, 2017
Who knew? The Illuminati's plans for Earth include members' right to public "indecency" under a blanket. [
WPLG-TV]
How to tell if you're drunk: You can't squeeze your stolen gun far enough up your butt to keep it from falling out in the police station. [
AL.com]
Something Else You Can Do in 2017: be served water with the color and taste of lemonade added digitally. [
New Scientist]
Agreed: Sheriff's deputies and Clovis, Calif., cops ought to have been able to arrest that homeless man they were after (for stealing an ice cream bar)--without burning down David Jessen's farmhouse. [
Techdirt]
Wrong Place, Wrong Time: You're safe on top of your floating car when a flood hits--until all the deadly insects in the area seek refuge, too. (Bonus: Australia! Everything's deadly!) [
9News.com]
So many suicides in Kota, India, that they're adding spring sensors to ceiling fans so the blades go limp when self-hangers try to Take The Only Way Out. [
The Hindu]
Also in India: The maximum sentence for cow slaughter in Gujarat state is now the same as in 22 U.S. states for killing a human. (In other news, about that "female genital mutilation" thingy, Gujarat will, y'know, try to get that stopped, y'know, if they have time.) [
New York Times]
Thanks to Scott Stapleton.
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