Ali G, Bone Man, Chuck E. Cheese
and the Morning Edition of Chuck's News of the Weird Daily for Wednesday, December 10, 2008 [and once again, too busy today for an afternoon edition; sorry]
The other federal indictment for dumb, inexplicable corruption
Lucky Marc Dreier! He's a gold-credentialed lawyer at the top of his profession—rich, respected, head of a 250-lawyer, king-of-the-hill New York firm. Lucky. Gov. Blagojevich's indictment yesterday effectively hides the news that Dreier apparently traded everything in to run some high-level, blatantly fraudulent investments past some hedge funds and a Toronto pension fund. Not only did it involve wholly-invented documents, but it involved Dreier personally pretending to be someone else in meetings. Tacky. Awkward. New York Times
Comments 'marc_dreier'
Today's news story guaranteed to inflame Evangelicals
Think "Ali G Does the Nativity." Kids at Oakwood School in Bexley, England, had the script, but officials say it was just a drama exercise. "Mary lives with [Joe] in a crib down Nazaref." "She's like, 'Ooo ya looking at [to Gabriel]? You got one up the duff, you have.'" "She gives it to him large, 'Stop dissin' me yeah? I ain't no Kappa slapper. I never bin wiv no one!" And so on. Daily Telegraph
Comments 'alig_nativity'
Major drug bust in Greenwood, S.C.
In a town of 22,000, this might be a pretty big haul of suppliers and demanders, 50-some people. Among the arrestees: Chub Rock, Black Pam, Za-Za, Lil Bit, Goat, Ewok, Snow, Bone Man, Truck Stop, and Bin Laden. And there are the mugshots [Ed.: And for my money, without looking at the "evidence" or anything, I'd be willing to blame the whole thing on Rickey Harvley, John Herig, Paul Pearson, and especially Derrick Behlke.] The Index-Journal (Greenwood)
Comments 'greenwood_drugbust'
So, what if there's a Mumbai-style attack at NYC's Times Square New Year's celebration?
NYPD's first thoughts: Gee, we only have 400 officers qualified to use machine guns, and training more right now would create duty-scheduling problems, so, one group of personnel without duty-scheduling problems would be . . rookie trainees, who are already in classes. Give them three whole days of exposure to an automatic weapon and turn them loose to fight off a Times Square attack. Is there a problem? New York Post
Comments 'nypd_mumbai'
People Whose Sex Lives Are Worse Than Yours
Harold Jones, 68, a veteran maintenance worker at Johnston Community College in Smithfield, N.C., was allowed to retire gracefully after a woman's webcam caught him walking around her unoccupied office, fondling various items including himself (exposed). WRAL-TV (Raleigh-Durham)
Comments 'harold_jones'
Your Daily Jury Duty
[no fair examining the evidence; verdict must be based on mugshot only]
Mark Harris, 30, might look too wise to ever fall for an Internet underage-sex sting. Or maybe not. WIS-TV (Columbia, S.C.)
Comments 'mark_harris'
More Things to Worry About on Wednesday
Oops! A respected German science journal, trying to illustrate the beauty of a touching poem in Chinese calligraphy, failed to appreciate the "deeper meaning" that certain characters have (depending on intonation), with the result of some free publicity for a Macau strip club. The Independent (London)
Taking the concept of driving with an "open container" to a new level (like, an open keg in the passenger seat). Dayton Daily News
The best reasoning Vincent Kenny III could produce, when arrested for longtime sexual abuse of a runaway teenager he had befriended (according to a detective): "The defendant said [the boy] had to learn [masturbation] at home because the schools don't teach it." The News Tribune (Tacoma, Wash.)
A roundup of explanations why Chuck E. Cheese joints seem to have more barroom brawls than do redneck watering holes: parents' beer-drinking, kids' monopolizing the coolest video games, parents' readiness to defend their boisterous urchins ("mama bear" syndrome). Wall Street Journal
Faculty at Spirit Creek Middle School in Augusta, Ga., were so busy having sex with each other that they didn't even have time to develop affairs with kids. WRDW-TV (Augusta)
Today's Newsrangers: Karl Olson, Gary Delaney, Sandy Pearlman, Emory Kimbrough, Bob Adams
Comments on More Things to Worry About on Wednesday?
Comments 'worry_081210'
The other federal indictment for dumb, inexplicable corruption
Lucky Marc Dreier! He's a gold-credentialed lawyer at the top of his profession—rich, respected, head of a 250-lawyer, king-of-the-hill New York firm. Lucky. Gov. Blagojevich's indictment yesterday effectively hides the news that Dreier apparently traded everything in to run some high-level, blatantly fraudulent investments past some hedge funds and a Toronto pension fund. Not only did it involve wholly-invented documents, but it involved Dreier personally pretending to be someone else in meetings. Tacky. Awkward. New York Times
Comments 'marc_dreier'
Today's news story guaranteed to inflame Evangelicals
Think "Ali G Does the Nativity." Kids at Oakwood School in Bexley, England, had the script, but officials say it was just a drama exercise. "Mary lives with [Joe] in a crib down Nazaref." "She's like, 'Ooo ya looking at [to Gabriel]? You got one up the duff, you have.'" "She gives it to him large, 'Stop dissin' me yeah? I ain't no Kappa slapper. I never bin wiv no one!" And so on. Daily Telegraph
Comments 'alig_nativity'
Major drug bust in Greenwood, S.C.
In a town of 22,000, this might be a pretty big haul of suppliers and demanders, 50-some people. Among the arrestees: Chub Rock, Black Pam, Za-Za, Lil Bit, Goat, Ewok, Snow, Bone Man, Truck Stop, and Bin Laden. And there are the mugshots [Ed.: And for my money, without looking at the "evidence" or anything, I'd be willing to blame the whole thing on Rickey Harvley, John Herig, Paul Pearson, and especially Derrick Behlke.] The Index-Journal (Greenwood)
Comments 'greenwood_drugbust'
So, what if there's a Mumbai-style attack at NYC's Times Square New Year's celebration?
NYPD's first thoughts: Gee, we only have 400 officers qualified to use machine guns, and training more right now would create duty-scheduling problems, so, one group of personnel without duty-scheduling problems would be . . rookie trainees, who are already in classes. Give them three whole days of exposure to an automatic weapon and turn them loose to fight off a Times Square attack. Is there a problem? New York Post
Comments 'nypd_mumbai'
People Whose Sex Lives Are Worse Than Yours
Harold Jones, 68, a veteran maintenance worker at Johnston Community College in Smithfield, N.C., was allowed to retire gracefully after a woman's webcam caught him walking around her unoccupied office, fondling various items including himself (exposed). WRAL-TV (Raleigh-Durham)
Comments 'harold_jones'
Your Daily Jury Duty
[no fair examining the evidence; verdict must be based on mugshot only]
Mark Harris, 30, might look too wise to ever fall for an Internet underage-sex sting. Or maybe not. WIS-TV (Columbia, S.C.)
Comments 'mark_harris'
More Things to Worry About on Wednesday
Oops! A respected German science journal, trying to illustrate the beauty of a touching poem in Chinese calligraphy, failed to appreciate the "deeper meaning" that certain characters have (depending on intonation), with the result of some free publicity for a Macau strip club. The Independent (London)
Taking the concept of driving with an "open container" to a new level (like, an open keg in the passenger seat). Dayton Daily News
The best reasoning Vincent Kenny III could produce, when arrested for longtime sexual abuse of a runaway teenager he had befriended (according to a detective): "The defendant said [the boy] had to learn [masturbation] at home because the schools don't teach it." The News Tribune (Tacoma, Wash.)
A roundup of explanations why Chuck E. Cheese joints seem to have more barroom brawls than do redneck watering holes: parents' beer-drinking, kids' monopolizing the coolest video games, parents' readiness to defend their boisterous urchins ("mama bear" syndrome). Wall Street Journal
Faculty at Spirit Creek Middle School in Augusta, Ga., were so busy having sex with each other that they didn't even have time to develop affairs with kids. WRDW-TV (Augusta)
Today's Newsrangers: Karl Olson, Gary Delaney, Sandy Pearlman, Emory Kimbrough, Bob Adams
Comments on More Things to Worry About on Wednesday?
Comments 'worry_081210'
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