Chuck’s Hand-Picked Overnight Weird News for Friday
Death-row inmate angles, maybe, for a public service award?
Richard Cooey, 41, scheduled to go belly-up next month in Ohio, is suing the prison because he's fat, and his veins are hard to get at, and thus he can only be executed painfully. And, he says, the only reason he's challenging is to preserve the Constitution's ban on "cruel" punishment. "If it would make people happy, shoot me in the head with a .45," because that would be quick and painless, but (we can imagine his argument going) we must honor and nurture our Constitutional guarantees. Associated Press via Fox News
Comments 'richard_cooey'
Never bullshirt a bullshirter—well, except perhaps this guy
Stock broker Michael Axel (according to New York prosecutors) stole $600k from elderly clients' accounts he was managing and was indicted yesterday, even though the gov't concedes that Axel had lost about $400k of that in his own investment with a very nice gentleman in Nigeria who volunteered to help him liquidate an inheritance Axel had not even known about! New York Times
Comments 'michael_axel'
Intelligent design: plants self-medicate against stress
Who knew? Bonus: They don't need Limbaugh-strength painkillers; an aspirin-derivative works just fine. LiveScience.com
Comments 'plants_medicate'
55 percent of Americans have convinced themselves they've been protected by angels
Kinda-suprisingly, only 66 percent of evangelical Christians believe that, but on the other hand, 20 percent of atheists believe it. [Ed.: Those numbers seem high, but they're surely not as high as the number who have convinced themselves that some amorphous, devilish force is screwing them over]. USA Today
Comments 'angel_beliefs'
Update: JZ Knight's Ramtha school wins
The jury quickly decided this week that Ms. Whitewind Weaver had ripped off Knight's business-plan details and gave her about $10k in damages. It could have been a reaction to Weaver's lawyer's slight exaggeration during the trial, calling the Ramtha School of Enlightenment "Enron-like." Knight said that, as far as she knew, Ramtha himself stayed out of the dispute. The Olympian
Comments 'ramtha_update'
Your Daily Losers
Not only did the brothers, ages 18 and 20, get into an actual brawl over which one of them would get to eat that Hot Pocket sandwich, but one wanted it enough to stab the other with a steak knife. WSBT-TV (South Bend, Ind.)
Comments 'hot_pocket'
People Whose Sex Lives Are Worse Than Yours
A 50-yr-old man was busted at almost high noon in downtown Ann Arbor, Mich., behind a building, with his pants around his ankles, peering at a porn magazine, with a beer in one hand and you-know-what in the other. Ann Arbor News
Comments 'annarbor_porn'
Your Daily Jury Duty
[no fair examining the evidence; verdict must be based on mugshot only]
Tracy Mullins, 47, might very well have had a valid reason for being found asleep in someone else's home; ya can't tell unless ya click the link. Billings Gazette
Comments 'tracy_mullins'
More Things to Worry About on Friday
Cops found enough cockroaches in this house in Leesburg, Fla., to suggest that maybe this is where they were congregating to wait for the Apocalypse [with video!] . . . . . The official reason for kicking the Colliers B team out of the British women's darts league was because they cussed during matches, but team member Melanie Partlow thinks it's because she's a one-legged, post-op tranny . . . . . The Church of England, trying really hard to de-Americanize the concept of Halloween, goes so far as to compare it to Christmas Eve (In both events, "light com[es] in the darkness") . . . . . Hard-luck Illinois woman: Even when she had an orgasm, it gave her a life-threatening stroke (and she's OK now, but, jeez--) . . . . . Leading economic indicator: Starting in June, a Portage, Ind., coke dealer had been imposing a $25/order gasoline surcharge. Today's Newsrangers: Oh, y'know, the usual gang
Comments 'worry_080919'
Richard Cooey, 41, scheduled to go belly-up next month in Ohio, is suing the prison because he's fat, and his veins are hard to get at, and thus he can only be executed painfully. And, he says, the only reason he's challenging is to preserve the Constitution's ban on "cruel" punishment. "If it would make people happy, shoot me in the head with a .45," because that would be quick and painless, but (we can imagine his argument going) we must honor and nurture our Constitutional guarantees. Associated Press via Fox News
Comments 'richard_cooey'
Never bullshirt a bullshirter—well, except perhaps this guy
Stock broker Michael Axel (according to New York prosecutors) stole $600k from elderly clients' accounts he was managing and was indicted yesterday, even though the gov't concedes that Axel had lost about $400k of that in his own investment with a very nice gentleman in Nigeria who volunteered to help him liquidate an inheritance Axel had not even known about! New York Times
Comments 'michael_axel'
Intelligent design: plants self-medicate against stress
Who knew? Bonus: They don't need Limbaugh-strength painkillers; an aspirin-derivative works just fine. LiveScience.com
Comments 'plants_medicate'
55 percent of Americans have convinced themselves they've been protected by angels
Kinda-suprisingly, only 66 percent of evangelical Christians believe that, but on the other hand, 20 percent of atheists believe it. [Ed.: Those numbers seem high, but they're surely not as high as the number who have convinced themselves that some amorphous, devilish force is screwing them over]. USA Today
Comments 'angel_beliefs'
Update: JZ Knight's Ramtha school wins
The jury quickly decided this week that Ms. Whitewind Weaver had ripped off Knight's business-plan details and gave her about $10k in damages. It could have been a reaction to Weaver's lawyer's slight exaggeration during the trial, calling the Ramtha School of Enlightenment "Enron-like." Knight said that, as far as she knew, Ramtha himself stayed out of the dispute. The Olympian
Comments 'ramtha_update'
Your Daily Losers
Not only did the brothers, ages 18 and 20, get into an actual brawl over which one of them would get to eat that Hot Pocket sandwich, but one wanted it enough to stab the other with a steak knife. WSBT-TV (South Bend, Ind.)
Comments 'hot_pocket'
People Whose Sex Lives Are Worse Than Yours
A 50-yr-old man was busted at almost high noon in downtown Ann Arbor, Mich., behind a building, with his pants around his ankles, peering at a porn magazine, with a beer in one hand and you-know-what in the other. Ann Arbor News
Comments 'annarbor_porn'
Your Daily Jury Duty
[no fair examining the evidence; verdict must be based on mugshot only]
Tracy Mullins, 47, might very well have had a valid reason for being found asleep in someone else's home; ya can't tell unless ya click the link. Billings Gazette
Comments 'tracy_mullins'
More Things to Worry About on Friday
Cops found enough cockroaches in this house in Leesburg, Fla., to suggest that maybe this is where they were congregating to wait for the Apocalypse [with video!] . . . . . The official reason for kicking the Colliers B team out of the British women's darts league was because they cussed during matches, but team member Melanie Partlow thinks it's because she's a one-legged, post-op tranny . . . . . The Church of England, trying really hard to de-Americanize the concept of Halloween, goes so far as to compare it to Christmas Eve (In both events, "light com[es] in the darkness") . . . . . Hard-luck Illinois woman: Even when she had an orgasm, it gave her a life-threatening stroke (and she's OK now, but, jeez--) . . . . . Leading economic indicator: Starting in June, a Portage, Ind., coke dealer had been imposing a $25/order gasoline surcharge. Today's Newsrangers: Oh, y'know, the usual gang
Comments 'worry_080919'
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