Chuck’s Hand-Picked Overnight Weird News for Friday
"Get me Spielberg! Now!"
Moshe Tsitsaushivili, 41, a career jewel thief awaiting trial in Westchester County, N.Y. (one of five states in which he's wanted), got more crushing news this week: Police in Australia are pretty sure he's the guy who also stole big-time while he lived there. "My life is over, man . . finished . . done." His Plan A was to have moved to New York to win back his ex-wife. (Her response: Get lost.) On to Plan B. "Contact Steven Spielberg," he told a reporter. "He would be my ticket out of here, so I can pay all these people back." Moshe wants to take a meeting so he can pitch his interesting life story, or maybe that diamond-theft movie project he heard about, with Madonna. Journal News (White Plains)
Comments 'get_spielberg'
Great Art: Hopi Indians are hung, and Kate Moss's crotch in gold should be worth $20m (but beyond that, I don't know much about art)
At the Edge of the Cedars State Park in southern Utah, one of the classic Hopi Indian sculptures out front (visible from the road) has been moved to the back because, unlike similar ones, this male was "anatomically correct," which is scary, because the damn thing's hanging almost to his ankles. And British sculptor Marc Quinn has made a lifesize statue of model Kate Moss, entirely in 18k gold, that he figures will fetch the equivalent of $20 million after its January museum run. London's Daily Telegraph is respectful, photographing it from the side, but the pose is actually of Moss, seated, holding her legs behind her head, and from the front, well . . .. Associated Press via Yahoo /// Daily Telegraph (London) /// Australian Associated Press via The West Australian (front view)
Comments 'hopi_katemoss'
2008 IgNobels
Ten science research prizes were awarded last night: biology (fleas on dogs jump further than fleas on cats), nutrition (modifying the sound of potato-chip crunching to make the eater think they're fresher than they are), physics (all string will eventually tangle itself up), chemistry (competing findings that Coca-Cola is/isn't an effective spermicide), archaeology, medicine, cognitive science, economics, literature, and peace (Swiss scientists declaring that plants have dignity). Agence France-Presse via Yahoo /// Annals of Improbable Research [site very busy this morning]
Comments 'ignobel_prizes'
Update: Jonathon Sharkey (political candidate, Presidential threatener, well-known vampire)
He's a minor legend in Minnesota, wanted by the law there (threatening Bush) and in Indiana (threatening a judge), and he showed up in rural Tennessee this summer, according to neighbors, to check out land to set up a commune for vampires. Police confiscated two rifles and a wooden stake (Seriously). WTVF-TV (Nashville)
Comments 'jonathon_sharkey'
News That Sounds Like a Joke
(1) In Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan, a guy beat a DUI rap by proving that he was swilling only fermented horse milk. (2) A county health and safety officer in England recommended toning down police awards for bravery, which refer to acting "with no thought to his or her safety" (which just encourages unsafe behavior!). (3) The District of Calamity Superior Court opened a mental-health clinic right there in the courthouse [Ed.: Oh, wait, that's not a joke; I used to practice criminal defense law there, and about half the people in the building (including the lawyers) need a clinic like that far more than a courtroom.] Associated Press via Yahoo /// Daily Mail /// Washington Post
Comments 'sounds_likejoke'
Your Daily Loser
Two brothers in Boston got into a fight when one's dog ate the other's watermelon, and one of the brothers (I'm guessing the now-melonless guy) was hospitalized after repeatedly stabbing himself with a knife, for the sole purpose of showing the other guy that pain is his friend. Mission accomplished. United Press International
Comments 'boston_brothers'
People Whose Sex Lives Are Worse Than Yours
Jonathon Guabello's reaction to not gettin' any from his girlfriend after an evening of drinking? Shoot himself in the arm, then stagger into the kitchen, fall, hit his head on the oven, knock himself out. Fort Myers News-Press
Comments 'jonathon_guabello'
Your Daily Jury Duty
[no fair examining the evidence; verdict must be based on mugshot only]
Mary Lu Frankovic, 56, hasn't even been arrested, but we still need to determine whether she's guilty. Police in Ross, Pa., said they'd probably charge her with multiple animal-abuse and housing code violations. Pittsburgh Post-Gazette
Comments 'marylu_frankovic'
More Things to Worry About on Friday
A female cop-turned-arsonist in Saukville, Wis., announced she's getting married next week, to, er, one of the firemen who put out the one she started . . . . . A candidate for governor of Bangkok, facing tough questioning on TV, hauled off and smacked the interviewer . . . . . Nobody really likes mackerel, so why does an import company sell so much of it? (Answer: Ready-to-eat pouches of it have replaced cigarettes as the coin of the realm in federal penitentiaries, and they're stockpiled but rarely eaten). Today's Newsrangers: Carolyn Pachuilo, Perry Levin, Karl Olson, Mark Neunder, Steve Miller
Comments 'worry_081003'
Moshe Tsitsaushivili, 41, a career jewel thief awaiting trial in Westchester County, N.Y. (one of five states in which he's wanted), got more crushing news this week: Police in Australia are pretty sure he's the guy who also stole big-time while he lived there. "My life is over, man . . finished . . done." His Plan A was to have moved to New York to win back his ex-wife. (Her response: Get lost.) On to Plan B. "Contact Steven Spielberg," he told a reporter. "He would be my ticket out of here, so I can pay all these people back." Moshe wants to take a meeting so he can pitch his interesting life story, or maybe that diamond-theft movie project he heard about, with Madonna. Journal News (White Plains)
Comments 'get_spielberg'
Great Art: Hopi Indians are hung, and Kate Moss's crotch in gold should be worth $20m (but beyond that, I don't know much about art)
At the Edge of the Cedars State Park in southern Utah, one of the classic Hopi Indian sculptures out front (visible from the road) has been moved to the back because, unlike similar ones, this male was "anatomically correct," which is scary, because the damn thing's hanging almost to his ankles. And British sculptor Marc Quinn has made a lifesize statue of model Kate Moss, entirely in 18k gold, that he figures will fetch the equivalent of $20 million after its January museum run. London's Daily Telegraph is respectful, photographing it from the side, but the pose is actually of Moss, seated, holding her legs behind her head, and from the front, well . . .. Associated Press via Yahoo /// Daily Telegraph (London) /// Australian Associated Press via The West Australian (front view)
Comments 'hopi_katemoss'
2008 IgNobels
Ten science research prizes were awarded last night: biology (fleas on dogs jump further than fleas on cats), nutrition (modifying the sound of potato-chip crunching to make the eater think they're fresher than they are), physics (all string will eventually tangle itself up), chemistry (competing findings that Coca-Cola is/isn't an effective spermicide), archaeology, medicine, cognitive science, economics, literature, and peace (Swiss scientists declaring that plants have dignity). Agence France-Presse via Yahoo /// Annals of Improbable Research [site very busy this morning]
Comments 'ignobel_prizes'
Update: Jonathon Sharkey (political candidate, Presidential threatener, well-known vampire)
He's a minor legend in Minnesota, wanted by the law there (threatening Bush) and in Indiana (threatening a judge), and he showed up in rural Tennessee this summer, according to neighbors, to check out land to set up a commune for vampires. Police confiscated two rifles and a wooden stake (Seriously). WTVF-TV (Nashville)
Comments 'jonathon_sharkey'
News That Sounds Like a Joke
(1) In Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan, a guy beat a DUI rap by proving that he was swilling only fermented horse milk. (2) A county health and safety officer in England recommended toning down police awards for bravery, which refer to acting "with no thought to his or her safety" (which just encourages unsafe behavior!). (3) The District of Calamity Superior Court opened a mental-health clinic right there in the courthouse [Ed.: Oh, wait, that's not a joke; I used to practice criminal defense law there, and about half the people in the building (including the lawyers) need a clinic like that far more than a courtroom.] Associated Press via Yahoo /// Daily Mail /// Washington Post
Comments 'sounds_likejoke'
Your Daily Loser
Two brothers in Boston got into a fight when one's dog ate the other's watermelon, and one of the brothers (I'm guessing the now-melonless guy) was hospitalized after repeatedly stabbing himself with a knife, for the sole purpose of showing the other guy that pain is his friend. Mission accomplished. United Press International
Comments 'boston_brothers'
People Whose Sex Lives Are Worse Than Yours
Jonathon Guabello's reaction to not gettin' any from his girlfriend after an evening of drinking? Shoot himself in the arm, then stagger into the kitchen, fall, hit his head on the oven, knock himself out. Fort Myers News-Press
Comments 'jonathon_guabello'
Your Daily Jury Duty
[no fair examining the evidence; verdict must be based on mugshot only]
Mary Lu Frankovic, 56, hasn't even been arrested, but we still need to determine whether she's guilty. Police in Ross, Pa., said they'd probably charge her with multiple animal-abuse and housing code violations. Pittsburgh Post-Gazette
Comments 'marylu_frankovic'
More Things to Worry About on Friday
A female cop-turned-arsonist in Saukville, Wis., announced she's getting married next week, to, er, one of the firemen who put out the one she started . . . . . A candidate for governor of Bangkok, facing tough questioning on TV, hauled off and smacked the interviewer . . . . . Nobody really likes mackerel, so why does an import company sell so much of it? (Answer: Ready-to-eat pouches of it have replaced cigarettes as the coin of the realm in federal penitentiaries, and they're stockpiled but rarely eaten). Today's Newsrangers: Carolyn Pachuilo, Perry Levin, Karl Olson, Mark Neunder, Steve Miller
Comments 'worry_081003'
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