Chuck’s Hand-Picked Overnight Weird News for Friday
Something Hell's Angels and that Christian biker gang from yesterday can agree on: No neon-green chaps!
The Florida Highway Patrol correctly notes that motorcyclists get killed every yr simply because they're not visually obvious enough on the road, leaving drivers sometimes to overlook them. FHP's solution: Start dressing in neon colors, all over. Response from bikers: We don't do Village People. Said biker Gary Dove, 62, "I've got black chaps, black vest, black t-shirts, black shoes." St. Petersburg Times (7-16-2008) via TCPalm.com (8-6-2008)
Comments 'neon_chaps'
Maybe they want to catch him; maybe they don't
Mexican illegal Rogelio Santana, 27, was arrested after an attempted armed robbery, which was an easy collar because the victim shot Santana, paralyzing him. The Cincinnati jail can't deal well with a paralyzed person so they sent him to a nursing home at gov't expense. Sheriff's got budget problems, too, and since Santana was wheelchair-confined, sheriff figured he didn't need to send guards to the nursing home. Result: Santana rolled right out the door and hasn't been heard from since. (Bonus: Sheriff probably not all that sorry to see him go because it would have cost an arm and a leg to keep the guy locked up until trial.) Cincinnati Enquirer
Comments 'rogelio_santana'
Your Daily Loser
He hasn't been caught yet, so he may yet have the last laugh, but employees of that bank in Dublin, Ohio, had the first laugh, when the robber pointed his gun at them, and it fell apart, pieces cascading to the floor. But he acted tough, and employees followed protocol by giving up the cash. WBNS-TV (Columbus)
Comments 'gun_breaks'
People Whose Sex Lives Are Worse Than Yours
Wait, no! These people's sex lives are way better than yours! Ms. Kerry Norris was fined £200 plus court costs for violating a previous anti-noise order, occasioned by her 2-yr, raucous-orgasming affair with Adam Hinton. "The headboard bangs on the wall . . . all night," said one neighbor. Another said she had to move her children to a front room. Another said her daughter developed a bed-wetting habit "because of what she heard." Norris, herself, modestly: "I have a normal sex life." Daily Telegraph (London)
Comments 'kerry_norris'
Your Daily Jury Duty
[no fair examining the evidence; verdict must be based on mugshot only]
William Martin, 49, Philomath, Ore., was charged with burglary and kidnaping. KGW-TV (Portland) via MSNBC
Comments 'william_martin'
More Things to Worry About on Friday
You've got to really hate your ex-wife to revenge-kill yourself by roping your head off in your speeding sports car . . . . . A 50-yr-old, blind social-services executive was charged with spanking his 20-yr-old daughter (but his defense is expected to hold up in court, i.e., a $5,000 cell-phone bill?) . . . . . Randall Turner grabbed his gun and threatened the county workers who had an order to mow the ditch in his front yard, and when they wouldn't leave, shot their tractor 5x (Bonus: After one shot ricocheted and hit him in the head, and the blood started gushing, Turner still tried to sound tough.)
Comments 'worry_080808'
Editor's Notes
As you sophisticated readers may know, the weird news thins out every August because so many troublemakers go on holiday or stockpile their imminent blunders for the September return to business-as-usual. Consequently, my daily emission thins, also, for, obedient to my high professional standards, I refuse to knowingly upgrade the mundane just to fill space. (In fact, I'm even going to take a few alternate-day holidays, myself, starting next week, through the end of the month.) Today's Newsrangers: Brian Godfrey, Judith Hicks, Harry Farkas, Kurt Knochel
Comments 'editors_080808'
The Florida Highway Patrol correctly notes that motorcyclists get killed every yr simply because they're not visually obvious enough on the road, leaving drivers sometimes to overlook them. FHP's solution: Start dressing in neon colors, all over. Response from bikers: We don't do Village People. Said biker Gary Dove, 62, "I've got black chaps, black vest, black t-shirts, black shoes." St. Petersburg Times (7-16-2008) via TCPalm.com (8-6-2008)
Comments 'neon_chaps'
Maybe they want to catch him; maybe they don't
Mexican illegal Rogelio Santana, 27, was arrested after an attempted armed robbery, which was an easy collar because the victim shot Santana, paralyzing him. The Cincinnati jail can't deal well with a paralyzed person so they sent him to a nursing home at gov't expense. Sheriff's got budget problems, too, and since Santana was wheelchair-confined, sheriff figured he didn't need to send guards to the nursing home. Result: Santana rolled right out the door and hasn't been heard from since. (Bonus: Sheriff probably not all that sorry to see him go because it would have cost an arm and a leg to keep the guy locked up until trial.) Cincinnati Enquirer
Comments 'rogelio_santana'
Your Daily Loser
He hasn't been caught yet, so he may yet have the last laugh, but employees of that bank in Dublin, Ohio, had the first laugh, when the robber pointed his gun at them, and it fell apart, pieces cascading to the floor. But he acted tough, and employees followed protocol by giving up the cash. WBNS-TV (Columbus)
Comments 'gun_breaks'
People Whose Sex Lives Are Worse Than Yours
Wait, no! These people's sex lives are way better than yours! Ms. Kerry Norris was fined £200 plus court costs for violating a previous anti-noise order, occasioned by her 2-yr, raucous-orgasming affair with Adam Hinton. "The headboard bangs on the wall . . . all night," said one neighbor. Another said she had to move her children to a front room. Another said her daughter developed a bed-wetting habit "because of what she heard." Norris, herself, modestly: "I have a normal sex life." Daily Telegraph (London)
Comments 'kerry_norris'
Your Daily Jury Duty
[no fair examining the evidence; verdict must be based on mugshot only]
William Martin, 49, Philomath, Ore., was charged with burglary and kidnaping. KGW-TV (Portland) via MSNBC
Comments 'william_martin'
More Things to Worry About on Friday
You've got to really hate your ex-wife to revenge-kill yourself by roping your head off in your speeding sports car . . . . . A 50-yr-old, blind social-services executive was charged with spanking his 20-yr-old daughter (but his defense is expected to hold up in court, i.e., a $5,000 cell-phone bill?) . . . . . Randall Turner grabbed his gun and threatened the county workers who had an order to mow the ditch in his front yard, and when they wouldn't leave, shot their tractor 5x (Bonus: After one shot ricocheted and hit him in the head, and the blood started gushing, Turner still tried to sound tough.)
Comments 'worry_080808'
Editor's Notes
As you sophisticated readers may know, the weird news thins out every August because so many troublemakers go on holiday or stockpile their imminent blunders for the September return to business-as-usual. Consequently, my daily emission thins, also, for, obedient to my high professional standards, I refuse to knowingly upgrade the mundane just to fill space. (In fact, I'm even going to take a few alternate-day holidays, myself, starting next week, through the end of the month.) Today's Newsrangers: Brian Godfrey, Judith Hicks, Harry Farkas, Kurt Knochel
Comments 'editors_080808'
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