Chuck’s Hand-Picked Overnight Weird News for Monday
More Earnest Gov't Campaigns to Make Us All Perfect
Britain hands out leaflets and posters to encourage people to firm themselves up while waiting at bus stops by doing Pilates-type stuff, buttock-clenching, etc. And the metro transit company in Austin, Tex., spent $5k on a campaign to give people tips on how to stand properly when the bus accelerates and decelerates. Daily Mail // American-Statesman
Comments 'campaigns_perfect'
Fine Points of the Law
The Michigan Court of Appeals ruled that three nursing home employees who played with a newly-deceased body for cell-phone-photo kicks did not break the state's patient-abuse law because, well, she was dead. Detroit News
Comments 'patient_dead'
If you're running a promotion contest so stupid that you're bound to attract contestants with problems, you have to protect them
The lawsuit was settled in private, so who knows what they decided, but a widow had sued the Nissan dealer in Longview, Tex., because her husband committed suicide during a break in the contest to see who could hold his hand on a truck the longest. She said he was obviously nutso at the 48-hour mark, ran over to a Wal-Mart, broke into a gun cabinet, pulled one out, and shot himself, and thus, obviously, the Nissan dealer didn't provide a "safe environment" for contestants who had "temporarily lost their sanity." Associated Press via Fox News
Comments 'suicide_contest'
Return of the rush-to-judgment "child molestation" vigilantes
Apparently four elementary school kids in Chickamauga, Ga., accused a possibly-saintly female teacher of abuse. Forensic exams ruled out abuse in two cases, and the teacher has "20 witnesses" to bolster her innocence. Doesn't matter. She's still fired. Not suspended. Fired. No discussion. Unanimous vote. The Chattanoogan
Comments 'rush_judgment'
Update: Fidel's vindication
From NOTW 749 (7-16-2002): "In a May dispatch from Cuba, the Wall Street Journal reported that Fidel Castro proposed in 1987 to alleviate a chronic milk shortage by trying to get his scientists to clone the most productive cows, shrunk to the size of dogs so that each family could keep one inside its apartment. The cows would feed on grass grown inside under fluorescent lights." Well, now, miniature cattle are a big market, with different breeds, even (the Dexter being "the world's most efficient, cutest, and tastiest cows"). Cost: $400 to $4,000, German-shepherd size, 16 pints a day, and proportionately more meat. The Times (London)
Comments 'miniature_cows'
Update: Preacher Todd Bentley
High up in this week's News of the Weird (NOTW M071, 8-17-2008) is the speed-healing, sparks-flying evangelist ("Someone's getting a new spinal cord tonight!") who's been improving market share for four months now in Lakeland, Fla. Well, after M071 was shipped off by Chuck's editor, Todd announced that he and the missus were separating and that he was closing down. Tampa Tribune
Comments 'update_bentley'
Your Daily Jury Duty
[no fair examining the evidence; verdict must be based on mugshot only]
Wynford Murray, 35, hasn't even been charged with anything yet, but in Redondo Beach, Calif., the authorities want to ask him if child-molesting is on his To Do list. Daily Breeze (Torrance)
Comments 'wynford_murray'
More Things to Worry About on Monday
Most embarrassing evidence yet of Canadian insecurity: Regulators require that, on a new TV porn channel, at least 15 percent of the sex has to be Canadian sex. . . . . News that sounds like a joke: British fish dentists fixed the teeth of a puffer fish at the Sea Life Adventure Centre . . . . . In Mexico, the latest important food crop to be sacrificed to agriculture's sudden fascination with fuel-motivated corn: agave (tequila) . . . . . The District of Calamity: Washington, D.C., teenage summer-jobs program officials found that 3,000 people that it was paying up to two weeks ago were on the payroll either through gaming or bureaucratic incompetence (e.g., five were over age 50) . . . . . It's good to be the son of the police chief because when dad breaks into your locked bedroom after you've been out drunk-driving, you can sue him for warrantless search and not Mirandizing you. Today's Newsrangers: Karl Olson, Larry Ellis Reed, Stephen Taylor
Comments 'worry_080818'
Editor's Note
As I noted earlier today, the Tampa Bay area is preparing for a direct hit from to-be-Hurricane Fay, so I'll be in another place besides my 19th-floor apartment. I had planned not to post Tuesday morning (August weird-news malaise), but now I'll be out Wednesday, too, and probably Thursday. I'll be perfectly safe; the only issue is how much inconvenience we have to bear after the storm blows through. Could be a bummer.
Comments 'editors_080818'
Britain hands out leaflets and posters to encourage people to firm themselves up while waiting at bus stops by doing Pilates-type stuff, buttock-clenching, etc. And the metro transit company in Austin, Tex., spent $5k on a campaign to give people tips on how to stand properly when the bus accelerates and decelerates. Daily Mail // American-Statesman
Comments 'campaigns_perfect'
Fine Points of the Law
The Michigan Court of Appeals ruled that three nursing home employees who played with a newly-deceased body for cell-phone-photo kicks did not break the state's patient-abuse law because, well, she was dead. Detroit News
Comments 'patient_dead'
If you're running a promotion contest so stupid that you're bound to attract contestants with problems, you have to protect them
The lawsuit was settled in private, so who knows what they decided, but a widow had sued the Nissan dealer in Longview, Tex., because her husband committed suicide during a break in the contest to see who could hold his hand on a truck the longest. She said he was obviously nutso at the 48-hour mark, ran over to a Wal-Mart, broke into a gun cabinet, pulled one out, and shot himself, and thus, obviously, the Nissan dealer didn't provide a "safe environment" for contestants who had "temporarily lost their sanity." Associated Press via Fox News
Comments 'suicide_contest'
Return of the rush-to-judgment "child molestation" vigilantes
Apparently four elementary school kids in Chickamauga, Ga., accused a possibly-saintly female teacher of abuse. Forensic exams ruled out abuse in two cases, and the teacher has "20 witnesses" to bolster her innocence. Doesn't matter. She's still fired. Not suspended. Fired. No discussion. Unanimous vote. The Chattanoogan
Comments 'rush_judgment'
Update: Fidel's vindication
From NOTW 749 (7-16-2002): "In a May dispatch from Cuba, the Wall Street Journal reported that Fidel Castro proposed in 1987 to alleviate a chronic milk shortage by trying to get his scientists to clone the most productive cows, shrunk to the size of dogs so that each family could keep one inside its apartment. The cows would feed on grass grown inside under fluorescent lights." Well, now, miniature cattle are a big market, with different breeds, even (the Dexter being "the world's most efficient, cutest, and tastiest cows"). Cost: $400 to $4,000, German-shepherd size, 16 pints a day, and proportionately more meat. The Times (London)
Comments 'miniature_cows'
Update: Preacher Todd Bentley
High up in this week's News of the Weird (NOTW M071, 8-17-2008) is the speed-healing, sparks-flying evangelist ("Someone's getting a new spinal cord tonight!") who's been improving market share for four months now in Lakeland, Fla. Well, after M071 was shipped off by Chuck's editor, Todd announced that he and the missus were separating and that he was closing down. Tampa Tribune
Comments 'update_bentley'
Your Daily Jury Duty
[no fair examining the evidence; verdict must be based on mugshot only]
Wynford Murray, 35, hasn't even been charged with anything yet, but in Redondo Beach, Calif., the authorities want to ask him if child-molesting is on his To Do list. Daily Breeze (Torrance)
Comments 'wynford_murray'
More Things to Worry About on Monday
Most embarrassing evidence yet of Canadian insecurity: Regulators require that, on a new TV porn channel, at least 15 percent of the sex has to be Canadian sex. . . . . News that sounds like a joke: British fish dentists fixed the teeth of a puffer fish at the Sea Life Adventure Centre . . . . . In Mexico, the latest important food crop to be sacrificed to agriculture's sudden fascination with fuel-motivated corn: agave (tequila) . . . . . The District of Calamity: Washington, D.C., teenage summer-jobs program officials found that 3,000 people that it was paying up to two weeks ago were on the payroll either through gaming or bureaucratic incompetence (e.g., five were over age 50) . . . . . It's good to be the son of the police chief because when dad breaks into your locked bedroom after you've been out drunk-driving, you can sue him for warrantless search and not Mirandizing you. Today's Newsrangers: Karl Olson, Larry Ellis Reed, Stephen Taylor
Comments 'worry_080818'
Editor's Note
As I noted earlier today, the Tampa Bay area is preparing for a direct hit from to-be-Hurricane Fay, so I'll be in another place besides my 19th-floor apartment. I had planned not to post Tuesday morning (August weird-news malaise), but now I'll be out Wednesday, too, and probably Thursday. I'll be perfectly safe; the only issue is how much inconvenience we have to bear after the storm blows through. Could be a bummer.
Comments 'editors_080818'
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