Chuck’s Hand-Picked Overnight Weird News for Monday
Most ambitious F-State scam ever
Feds indicted Angel Cruz, 49 (and who's still on the loose, though a reporter found him), accusing him of this plan: OK, you start a not-for-profit organization, and you hire immigrant workers and enter into business contracts with companies, but you also start something called United Cities Group, which, OK, work with me on this, issues its own currency, and then, with a straight face, you pay some of the workers and some of the contractees with UCG markers, and then, to show you've really got balls, you open an account at Bank of America in Miami and transfer some of your UCG "funds" there, like "$214 million" worth, and to complete the cycle, you get all huffy when BofA declines to let you withdraw greenbacks based on your "deposit," and you announce you're gonna take over the bank. (Bonus: The reporter managed to find one of the UCG clients, who said he still believes in Cruz and in fact had recently signed over his home to him.) Orlando Sentinel
Comments 'angel_cruz'
This is the kind of news that would cause Nat'l Public Radio to break into their regular programing
Two guys have been officially banned from the nat'l park system because they were caught vandalizing a marker at the Grand Canyon. It's NPR-intensive because what they were doing was part of a 2-month trans-America journey to correct typos on public monuments, to spare "innocent eyes" from being "befouled by vile stains on the delicate fabric of our language." (Using a marker and white-out, they repositioned an apostrophe and added a comma.) [Ed.: The purpose of language is to "communicate," no? Oh, wait, I forgot a secondary use: "a tool to facilitate class-distinction (applicable to members and aspirants)." Of course.] Associated Press via Yahoo
Comments 'typo_vandals'
Perp's explanation pretty much covers it
Terrance Massey was arrested at a traffic stop in Corpus Christi, Tex., even though he assured officers, "It's not my truck," then "If you find something, it's not mine," and finally, "If there's anything in that black bag, it's not mine." (50 rocks of crack) Corpus Christi Caller-Times
Comments 'nothings_mine'
He didn't abuse the British Muslim boys because they really wanted to flog themselves
The jury is still out on Syed Mustafa Zaidi in Manchester Crown Court, but he's got a point. During the annual Ashura celebration last yr (a huge deal among Shias), where the devout slice themselves up pretty good (you bleed, you lead), it's possible that the boys, ages 14 and 15, were just aspiring to sacredness. BBC News
Comments 'flog_themselves'
Now, sheepshearers want to be Olympians
They've been competing in Australia for 118 yrs; they have a six-time champ who can strip wool in 26 seconds; they're treated like heroes in New Zealand; they train for months to be in shape; they do the gym, the yoga, the special diets. Let them compete in 2012 in London! The head of Sports Shear Australia is insist—uh, excuse me . . "Sports Shear Australia"?. The Guardian (London)
Comments 'olympic_sheepshear'
"Some Britons too unruly for resorts in Europe"
headlined the New York Times. Money quote, from the mayor of Malia in Greece (Crete): "They scream, they sing, they fall down, they take their clothes off, they cross-dress, they vomit. It is only the British people, not the Germans or the French." New York Times
Comments 'unruly_britons'
"When good lizards go bad"
headlined the Wall Street Journal, from Indonesia. Problem: Enviros want to preserve the natural habitat (e.g., leave Komodo dragons wild), but villagers believe the carnivores are benevolent reincarnations of their ancestors (e.g., they feed 'em from the table, so to speak). The enviros are winning. The Komodos are now vicious, and kids are looking tasty. Who were these ancestors, anyway? Wall Street Journal
Comments 'wild_komodos'
Your Daily Loser
John Pearce, 32, tried to burglarize a home in Dartford, England, but got his foot caught in the window frame, and as he tried to wiggle out, wound up upside down. (Of course there's a photo!) Daily Mail
Comments 'john_pearce'
Your Daily Jury Duty
[no fair examining the evidence; verdict must be based on mugshot only]
Gary Lintz, 43, who may or may not have started that "small" fire in Los Angeles's Griffith Park. Los Angeles Times
Comments 'gary_lintz'
More Things to Worry About on Monday
One answer to the question of where all that money goes that Nigerians rake in (scams and oil): £3.4m to a witch doctor for "juju" spells (including £1.2m burned to create ashes to smear on his body) . . . . . An academic says a main reason for women's declining church attendance in UK: "Buffy," e.g., women turning to female-empowering Wicca . . . . . Good idea: "safe haven" laws allowing lousy moms to hand over their tots if they can't handle parenthood (Bad idea: Nebraska'a law lets 'em hand over high school kids, too) . . . . . In Springfield, Mo., an epidemic of stealing, er, peepholes out of doors (with the motive being . . um . . uh . .) . . . . . The motive of Fr. Antonio Rungi of Italy is clear, though: to prove that ya don't have to be ugly to be a nun (but an online "Miss Sister 2008" contest?). Today's Newsrangers: Diana Lelle, Mindy Cohen, Sandy Pearlman, Joe Littrell, Rick Matz, Paul Music, Bruce Townley, Candy Clouston. (Reminder: August malaise, no post Tuesday)
Comments 'worry_080825'
Feds indicted Angel Cruz, 49 (and who's still on the loose, though a reporter found him), accusing him of this plan: OK, you start a not-for-profit organization, and you hire immigrant workers and enter into business contracts with companies, but you also start something called United Cities Group, which, OK, work with me on this, issues its own currency, and then, with a straight face, you pay some of the workers and some of the contractees with UCG markers, and then, to show you've really got balls, you open an account at Bank of America in Miami and transfer some of your UCG "funds" there, like "$214 million" worth, and to complete the cycle, you get all huffy when BofA declines to let you withdraw greenbacks based on your "deposit," and you announce you're gonna take over the bank. (Bonus: The reporter managed to find one of the UCG clients, who said he still believes in Cruz and in fact had recently signed over his home to him.) Orlando Sentinel
Comments 'angel_cruz'
This is the kind of news that would cause Nat'l Public Radio to break into their regular programing
Two guys have been officially banned from the nat'l park system because they were caught vandalizing a marker at the Grand Canyon. It's NPR-intensive because what they were doing was part of a 2-month trans-America journey to correct typos on public monuments, to spare "innocent eyes" from being "befouled by vile stains on the delicate fabric of our language." (Using a marker and white-out, they repositioned an apostrophe and added a comma.) [Ed.: The purpose of language is to "communicate," no? Oh, wait, I forgot a secondary use: "a tool to facilitate class-distinction (applicable to members and aspirants)." Of course.] Associated Press via Yahoo
Comments 'typo_vandals'
Perp's explanation pretty much covers it
Terrance Massey was arrested at a traffic stop in Corpus Christi, Tex., even though he assured officers, "It's not my truck," then "If you find something, it's not mine," and finally, "If there's anything in that black bag, it's not mine." (50 rocks of crack) Corpus Christi Caller-Times
Comments 'nothings_mine'
He didn't abuse the British Muslim boys because they really wanted to flog themselves
The jury is still out on Syed Mustafa Zaidi in Manchester Crown Court, but he's got a point. During the annual Ashura celebration last yr (a huge deal among Shias), where the devout slice themselves up pretty good (you bleed, you lead), it's possible that the boys, ages 14 and 15, were just aspiring to sacredness. BBC News
Comments 'flog_themselves'
Now, sheepshearers want to be Olympians
They've been competing in Australia for 118 yrs; they have a six-time champ who can strip wool in 26 seconds; they're treated like heroes in New Zealand; they train for months to be in shape; they do the gym, the yoga, the special diets. Let them compete in 2012 in London! The head of Sports Shear Australia is insist—uh, excuse me . . "Sports Shear Australia"?. The Guardian (London)
Comments 'olympic_sheepshear'
"Some Britons too unruly for resorts in Europe"
headlined the New York Times. Money quote, from the mayor of Malia in Greece (Crete): "They scream, they sing, they fall down, they take their clothes off, they cross-dress, they vomit. It is only the British people, not the Germans or the French." New York Times
Comments 'unruly_britons'
"When good lizards go bad"
headlined the Wall Street Journal, from Indonesia. Problem: Enviros want to preserve the natural habitat (e.g., leave Komodo dragons wild), but villagers believe the carnivores are benevolent reincarnations of their ancestors (e.g., they feed 'em from the table, so to speak). The enviros are winning. The Komodos are now vicious, and kids are looking tasty. Who were these ancestors, anyway? Wall Street Journal
Comments 'wild_komodos'
Your Daily Loser
John Pearce, 32, tried to burglarize a home in Dartford, England, but got his foot caught in the window frame, and as he tried to wiggle out, wound up upside down. (Of course there's a photo!) Daily Mail
Comments 'john_pearce'
Your Daily Jury Duty
[no fair examining the evidence; verdict must be based on mugshot only]
Gary Lintz, 43, who may or may not have started that "small" fire in Los Angeles's Griffith Park. Los Angeles Times
Comments 'gary_lintz'
More Things to Worry About on Monday
One answer to the question of where all that money goes that Nigerians rake in (scams and oil): £3.4m to a witch doctor for "juju" spells (including £1.2m burned to create ashes to smear on his body) . . . . . An academic says a main reason for women's declining church attendance in UK: "Buffy," e.g., women turning to female-empowering Wicca . . . . . Good idea: "safe haven" laws allowing lousy moms to hand over their tots if they can't handle parenthood (Bad idea: Nebraska'a law lets 'em hand over high school kids, too) . . . . . In Springfield, Mo., an epidemic of stealing, er, peepholes out of doors (with the motive being . . um . . uh . .) . . . . . The motive of Fr. Antonio Rungi of Italy is clear, though: to prove that ya don't have to be ugly to be a nun (but an online "Miss Sister 2008" contest?). Today's Newsrangers: Diana Lelle, Mindy Cohen, Sandy Pearlman, Joe Littrell, Rick Matz, Paul Music, Bruce Townley, Candy Clouston. (Reminder: August malaise, no post Tuesday)
Comments 'worry_080825'
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