Chuck’s Hand-Picked Overnight Weird News for Monday
Lawyer banned from park after discomforting requests
Charles Douglas, 58, of Glen Carbon, Ill., called being charged with disorderly conduct "the most ridiculous thing I've ever seen" because he was entirely innocent of heart when he asked those four creeped-out mothers in the park if he could please tickle their kids. He just likes to play "tickle monster," and what's wrong with that, he asks. Belleville News-Democrat
Comments 'charles_douglas'
Colloidal silver back in the news
A New York woman just took her case public to warn others who, like her, are prone to gulp any old thing someone recommends. If you take it for a long time, it will turn your skin permanently gray/blue (among other effects). Fella named Paul Karason took his case public last yr, and, as you can see, he's pretty much a freak, but (1) still, he has a girlfriend and (2) she's a tribute to post-racial America because she says she doesn't even notice the color of his skin. Karason said he'd learned his lesson . . uh, in that he doesn't take as much colloidal silver as he used to. (Another blue man was the 2002 U.S. Senate candidate from Montana, Stan Jones, of the Libertarian Party, of course, who had started gulping it in 1999 to prepare for the new world disorder that would ensue following Y2K.) Fox News // Fox News (Karason) // CNN (Jones)
Comments 'colloidal_silver'
Signed a waiver of liability to get on a mechanical bull? No problem, suing anyway
I was drunk at the time, said wannabe-broncbuster and "Manhattan screenwriter" Aaron Schnore, 38, so I didn't know what I was signing, and I certainly didn't notice that warning sign, so how am I supposed to know not to ride it drunk? New York Daily News
Comments 'aaron_schnore'
News that sounds like a joke: British Christians are taking classes in how to improve their interpersonal techniques
They don't know how to flirt or to read "signals." Included in a list of suggested (or discouraged) pick-up lines (that may or not be made up by the Daily Telegraph): "Now I know why Solomon had 700 wives—he never met you"; "It's a sin to look as good as you"; "I just don't feel called to celibacy"; "You float my ark." Daily Telegraph
Comments 'christian_pickup'
Your Daily Loser
Antonio Vasquez, 22, Fresno, Calif., burglarized a home while two people were asleep, and took some money, but somehow lost his pants and wallet in the process, and by the time he departed, one resident had kitchen spices smeared all over his body and the other had been beaten with a sausage. [Ed.: I just report 'em, people.] Fresno Bee
Comments 'antonio_vasquez'
People Whose Sex Lives Are Worse Than Yours
TV reporter Chiu Yu-kit, 31, was fired after his arrest for standing naked on a double-decker bus and diddling himself as it cruised its route through downtown Hong Kong. Agence France-Presse via Yahoo
Comments 'chiu_yukit'
Your Daily Jury Duty
[no fair examining the evidence; verdict must be based on mugshot only]
Timothy John Case, 40, who police say might have abducted two women in Ann Arbor, Mich. WDIV-TV (Detroit)
Comments 'timothy_case'
More Things to Worry About on Monday
Well, ya can worry about the ridiculous, monster-size squash that this guy in England grew (although the lady holding it over her shoulder looks pretty happy) . . . . . The Orlando-area's newest tourist attraction is the home of Ms. Casey Anthony (suspected by some in the death of her missing tot Caylee), but the neighbors are fed up with all those out-of-towners' bumper-to-bumper traffic . . . . . IRS to Richard Mellor of Marion, Iowa: "No, the United States is not a 'fictional entity,' and you, as a 'citizen of heaven,' are not exempt from federal taxes" . . . . . As Iraqis finally emerge from their homes after three yrs of holing up, some suddenly realize that, jeez, they look so awful that they might need that stomach-banding surgery (like this guy). Today's Newsrangers: Steve Miller, Jerry Whittle, Cindy Hildebrand, Stan Adams, Joe Wilson, Charles Applegate, Pierre Langenegger, Candy Clouston
Comments 'worry_080908'
Charles Douglas, 58, of Glen Carbon, Ill., called being charged with disorderly conduct "the most ridiculous thing I've ever seen" because he was entirely innocent of heart when he asked those four creeped-out mothers in the park if he could please tickle their kids. He just likes to play "tickle monster," and what's wrong with that, he asks. Belleville News-Democrat
Comments 'charles_douglas'
Colloidal silver back in the news
A New York woman just took her case public to warn others who, like her, are prone to gulp any old thing someone recommends. If you take it for a long time, it will turn your skin permanently gray/blue (among other effects). Fella named Paul Karason took his case public last yr, and, as you can see, he's pretty much a freak, but (1) still, he has a girlfriend and (2) she's a tribute to post-racial America because she says she doesn't even notice the color of his skin. Karason said he'd learned his lesson . . uh, in that he doesn't take as much colloidal silver as he used to. (Another blue man was the 2002 U.S. Senate candidate from Montana, Stan Jones, of the Libertarian Party, of course, who had started gulping it in 1999 to prepare for the new world disorder that would ensue following Y2K.) Fox News // Fox News (Karason) // CNN (Jones)
Comments 'colloidal_silver'
Signed a waiver of liability to get on a mechanical bull? No problem, suing anyway
I was drunk at the time, said wannabe-broncbuster and "Manhattan screenwriter" Aaron Schnore, 38, so I didn't know what I was signing, and I certainly didn't notice that warning sign, so how am I supposed to know not to ride it drunk? New York Daily News
Comments 'aaron_schnore'
News that sounds like a joke: British Christians are taking classes in how to improve their interpersonal techniques
They don't know how to flirt or to read "signals." Included in a list of suggested (or discouraged) pick-up lines (that may or not be made up by the Daily Telegraph): "Now I know why Solomon had 700 wives—he never met you"; "It's a sin to look as good as you"; "I just don't feel called to celibacy"; "You float my ark." Daily Telegraph
Comments 'christian_pickup'
Your Daily Loser
Antonio Vasquez, 22, Fresno, Calif., burglarized a home while two people were asleep, and took some money, but somehow lost his pants and wallet in the process, and by the time he departed, one resident had kitchen spices smeared all over his body and the other had been beaten with a sausage. [Ed.: I just report 'em, people.] Fresno Bee
Comments 'antonio_vasquez'
People Whose Sex Lives Are Worse Than Yours
TV reporter Chiu Yu-kit, 31, was fired after his arrest for standing naked on a double-decker bus and diddling himself as it cruised its route through downtown Hong Kong. Agence France-Presse via Yahoo
Comments 'chiu_yukit'
Your Daily Jury Duty
[no fair examining the evidence; verdict must be based on mugshot only]
Timothy John Case, 40, who police say might have abducted two women in Ann Arbor, Mich. WDIV-TV (Detroit)
Comments 'timothy_case'
More Things to Worry About on Monday
Well, ya can worry about the ridiculous, monster-size squash that this guy in England grew (although the lady holding it over her shoulder looks pretty happy) . . . . . The Orlando-area's newest tourist attraction is the home of Ms. Casey Anthony (suspected by some in the death of her missing tot Caylee), but the neighbors are fed up with all those out-of-towners' bumper-to-bumper traffic . . . . . IRS to Richard Mellor of Marion, Iowa: "No, the United States is not a 'fictional entity,' and you, as a 'citizen of heaven,' are not exempt from federal taxes" . . . . . As Iraqis finally emerge from their homes after three yrs of holing up, some suddenly realize that, jeez, they look so awful that they might need that stomach-banding surgery (like this guy). Today's Newsrangers: Steve Miller, Jerry Whittle, Cindy Hildebrand, Stan Adams, Joe Wilson, Charles Applegate, Pierre Langenegger, Candy Clouston
Comments 'worry_080908'
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