Chuck’s Hand-Picked Overnight Weird News for Saturday
Top 10 improbable religious artifacts
This is Fox News's selection (including Jesus's image on the fish stick and the fish bone), but original links aren't provided, and actually, Chuck can do better. [WeirdU Ed.: Then, why don't you, huh?] All U.S. readers of Weird Universe have one thing in common with the people who are certain that these sightings are "signs": In November, your votes will count no more than theirs. Fox News
Comments 'improbable_jesus'
British prosecutor, age 56 and on disability leave for a year, is trying to pick up side work as a nude model
Clifford Allison, 56, actually will take any show-business work, from acting to voiceovers, but there is his model portfolio, right there on his website, including a nude-perched-on-stool pose. Daily Mail (London) [modest, but maybe Not Safe for Work]
Comments 'naked_prosecutor'
"This case highlights the importance of having comprehensive [health] insurance"
Er, for pets. That was an executive of the insurer PetPlan, referring to Briton Tanya Dickson's cat Hetty, who needed complex facial reconstruction following a run-in with a car (broken jaw, dislocated nasal cavity). She didn't have insurance, and the meter reads £7.5K so far. Daily Telegraph (London)
Comments 'pet_insurance'
The secret to tastier tuna: acupuncture 'em
Calm tuna thrash less during the check-out process, which purifies the blood and improves the flavor, says the president of Osaka's Osakana Planning Company, whose family would appreciate it if you would please believe him. The company already massages its cows and sets its dogs to dancing [WeirdU Ed.: We don't know whether Osakana ultimately does the same thing to the dogs that it does to the cows and the tuna] The Times (London)
Comments 'acupuncture_tuna'
Art that was too explicit to show in 1947 now presents a new problem
The oil painting, Newport Nude, done by a prominent artist but stuffed away for 60 yrs because the model was topless, has finally been dusted off for a show at a Welsh gallery—except now it's being badmouthed because, in the model's hand at the far left of the frame is, God forbid, a cigarette! The Times (London) [Not Safe for Work]
Comments 'newport_nude'
Readers' Choice
Keith Walendowski (who well may be innocent; you'll have to evaluate his mugshot) was arrested in Milwaukee for blasting his dysfunctional lawn mower with a sawed-off shotgun. "It's my lawn mower and my yard, so I can shoot it if I want," he argued, but police said the gun is illegal. It's especially bad since Keith had allegedly been "drinking all morning" before the 9:30 a.m. incident. Journal Sentinel
Comments 'shotgun_lawnmower'
People Whose Sex Lives Are Worse Than Yours
Wyne Johnson [Ed.: I know what you're thinking, but it's Wyne], 17, was picked up by police in the lingerie section of a Belk department store in Macon, Ga., wanking. He said, well, he had just talked to his girlfriend on the phone and "couldn't help himself." Macon Telegraph
Comments 'wyne_johnson'
Your Daily Jury Duty
[no fair examining the evidence; verdict must be based on mugshot only]
Ryan Halverson, 18, Freeport, Tex., might possibly have been drunk when cops picked him up and might also have leaned over and licked the arresting cop's face while being searched. KVUE-TV (Austin)
Comments 'ryan_halverson'
More Things to Worry About on Saturday
"Starving Bears Eat Russian Guards" [Sydney Morning Herald headline, on the 30 salmon-starved bears on Russia's Pacific coast that have cornered platinum-mine workers] . . . . . Gwinnett County, Ga., inspectors decided it was close, but that the Super Grand Buffet was cleaner than the Mar y Tierra Family Mexican Restaurant, by a score of 15 to 13 in the 100-point health department evaluation (and both were shut down on the spot) . . . . . Sheriff's deputies went into full red alert after Deltona, Fla., city commissioner Zenaida Denizac found a doll with her photo stuck to its face, along with several voodoo-ish pins sticking in it [link has video]. Today's Newsrangers: Mindy Cohen, Stephen Taylor, Scott Langill, Sam Gaines, and oh-so-many contributors of the Readers' Choice story.
Comments 'worry_080726'
This is Fox News's selection (including Jesus's image on the fish stick and the fish bone), but original links aren't provided, and actually, Chuck can do better. [WeirdU Ed.: Then, why don't you, huh?] All U.S. readers of Weird Universe have one thing in common with the people who are certain that these sightings are "signs": In November, your votes will count no more than theirs. Fox News
Comments 'improbable_jesus'
British prosecutor, age 56 and on disability leave for a year, is trying to pick up side work as a nude model
Clifford Allison, 56, actually will take any show-business work, from acting to voiceovers, but there is his model portfolio, right there on his website, including a nude-perched-on-stool pose. Daily Mail (London) [modest, but maybe Not Safe for Work]
Comments 'naked_prosecutor'
"This case highlights the importance of having comprehensive [health] insurance"
Er, for pets. That was an executive of the insurer PetPlan, referring to Briton Tanya Dickson's cat Hetty, who needed complex facial reconstruction following a run-in with a car (broken jaw, dislocated nasal cavity). She didn't have insurance, and the meter reads £7.5K so far. Daily Telegraph (London)
Comments 'pet_insurance'
The secret to tastier tuna: acupuncture 'em
Calm tuna thrash less during the check-out process, which purifies the blood and improves the flavor, says the president of Osaka's Osakana Planning Company, whose family would appreciate it if you would please believe him. The company already massages its cows and sets its dogs to dancing [WeirdU Ed.: We don't know whether Osakana ultimately does the same thing to the dogs that it does to the cows and the tuna] The Times (London)
Comments 'acupuncture_tuna'
Art that was too explicit to show in 1947 now presents a new problem
The oil painting, Newport Nude, done by a prominent artist but stuffed away for 60 yrs because the model was topless, has finally been dusted off for a show at a Welsh gallery—except now it's being badmouthed because, in the model's hand at the far left of the frame is, God forbid, a cigarette! The Times (London) [Not Safe for Work]
Comments 'newport_nude'
Readers' Choice
Keith Walendowski (who well may be innocent; you'll have to evaluate his mugshot) was arrested in Milwaukee for blasting his dysfunctional lawn mower with a sawed-off shotgun. "It's my lawn mower and my yard, so I can shoot it if I want," he argued, but police said the gun is illegal. It's especially bad since Keith had allegedly been "drinking all morning" before the 9:30 a.m. incident. Journal Sentinel
Comments 'shotgun_lawnmower'
People Whose Sex Lives Are Worse Than Yours
Wyne Johnson [Ed.: I know what you're thinking, but it's Wyne], 17, was picked up by police in the lingerie section of a Belk department store in Macon, Ga., wanking. He said, well, he had just talked to his girlfriend on the phone and "couldn't help himself." Macon Telegraph
Comments 'wyne_johnson'
Your Daily Jury Duty
[no fair examining the evidence; verdict must be based on mugshot only]
Ryan Halverson, 18, Freeport, Tex., might possibly have been drunk when cops picked him up and might also have leaned over and licked the arresting cop's face while being searched. KVUE-TV (Austin)
Comments 'ryan_halverson'
More Things to Worry About on Saturday
"Starving Bears Eat Russian Guards" [Sydney Morning Herald headline, on the 30 salmon-starved bears on Russia's Pacific coast that have cornered platinum-mine workers] . . . . . Gwinnett County, Ga., inspectors decided it was close, but that the Super Grand Buffet was cleaner than the Mar y Tierra Family Mexican Restaurant, by a score of 15 to 13 in the 100-point health department evaluation (and both were shut down on the spot) . . . . . Sheriff's deputies went into full red alert after Deltona, Fla., city commissioner Zenaida Denizac found a doll with her photo stuck to its face, along with several voodoo-ish pins sticking in it [link has video]. Today's Newsrangers: Mindy Cohen, Stephen Taylor, Scott Langill, Sam Gaines, and oh-so-many contributors of the Readers' Choice story.
Comments 'worry_080726'
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