Chuck’s Hand-Picked Overnight Weird News for Tuesday

OK, please, will the Chinese kindly get this "8" stuff cleared up?
Stories abound on how it's supposed to be soooo lucky, to start the Olympics (or get married) on 8-8-08. Well, no, it turns out that you actually need these-here ox pendants to protect you, during this Year of the Rat, from people born in a Horse Year (such as President Hu Jintao), And, anyway, the earthquake this year struck on May 12th, i.e., 5-12, i.e., 5 plus 1 plus 2. Reuters [CORRECTION: It's the Horse people who need protection from the Rat people; hence, an ox to distract the rat.]
Comments 'number_8'

Kevin Hansen needs your support as he works his way through this devastating disorder
According to his lawyer, he has undergone "extensive medical treatment" for "severe and permanent pain" and "disability," ruining his marriage and his career. The etiology was that a cook at a Texas Roadhouse stuck some pubes in his steak after he sent back the first order. He believes he can self-medicate against this disorder by the topical application of money. Milwaukee Journal Sentinel
Comments 'steak_hair'

Go figure: They adopted actual "standards" for hiring jail guards in Chicago, and now there's a shortage
The dishonest, the mentally unstable, and the tubs o' lard that previously passed the easy qualifying test can no longer make it. Lie-detector and psychological tests, alone, weeded out 63 people recently who might have been on the payroll by now under the old rules. Chicago Sun-Times
Comments 'jail_guards'

Having fun with a potentially debilitating condition
Kay Underwood, 20, has the rare, momentary-muscle-relaxing disorder of cataplexy, which causes her to collapse to the floor during extremes of emotion, including laughter. "I have learned a few tricks, like locking my knees together or grabbing on to something" to prevent falling. On the other hand, she and her friends think it's great sport to do something funny to make Kay fall. Daily Telegraph (London)
Comments 'kay_underwood'

Thai video-game distributor yanks Grand Theft Auto IV off the shelves after a teenager in Bangkok kills a cab driver "to see if it was as easy as in the game"
In other news, way over 9 million people have bought GTA-IV but have failed to kill a human "to see if it was as easy as in the game." Daily Mail (London)
Comments 'thai_GTA'

Update: Chuck jumped the gun yesterday with the story on the dad teaching his son to party with oxy and methadone
I assumed, based on statements the man made to police, that he is guilty. Well, I found a mugshot of Steven Alfano, and in the American justice system, as we all know, a person is presumed innocent only until the mugshot is released. Associated Press via WJXT-TV (Jacksonville)
Comments 'steven_alfano'

Your Daily Losers
Four scrap-metal thieves were arrested in Williamsburg, Ky., with the metal being a 20-ft-long section of railroad track that wouldn't fit in their truck and so was tied to the truck and dragged home, which left gouge marks in the pavement. WKYT-TV (Lexington)
Comments 'gouge_marks'

Your Daily Jury Duty
[no fair examining the evidence; verdict must be based on mugshot only]
Raymundo Castaneda is a suspect in a Charlotte, N.C., murder. WCNC-TV (Charlotte)
Comments 'raymundo_castaneda'

More Things to Worry About on Tuesday
Get Used to It: Tyson Foods (Shelbyville, Tenn.) swapped out Labor Day (no longer a paid holiday for workers) for Eid al-Fitr (end of Ramadan, now a paid holiday for everyone) . . . . . Milwaukee man just lost his house over an unpaid $50 parking ticket (well, that he ignored for 4 yrs, through 15 warnings, even though he was smart enough to keep up on property taxes) . . . . . Once more, guy steals a truck and then gets irate when somebody jacks it from him . . . . . And once more, a guy drove onto railroad tracks, inexplicably couldn't get off (even with 45 minutes of trying), and kablooey! Today's Newsrangers: Shannon Oyler, Tom Barker, Florence Shirakawa, Sam Gaines, Stephen Taylor
Comments 'worry_080805'