Chuck’s Hand-Picked Overnight Weird News for Wednesday

Bigfoot press conference on Friday in Palo Alto, Calif.
Supposedly, they've got more actual evidence than previous Bigfoot discoveries, and they're working on DNA tests. Cryptologist Loren Coleman, a widely respected (and often quite skeptical) bizarre-phenomena chronicler, wrote, "I feel, in all honesty, this, indeed, may be the real deal." Cryptomundo.com
Comments 'bigfoot_friday'

U.S. crisis in imports: Nordic sperm
The FDA's super-tough restrictions on European . . well, meat (in light of mad-cow disease) have made it impossible for U.S. sperm banks to import ever-popular Nordic sperm for artificial insemination.

Now, as the remaining vials of Nordic semen frozen in U.S. sperm banks are running out, a small but desperate number of would-be parents are frantic. [Julie] Peterson has flown repeatedly to Denmark and went again this week, to try to get pregnant with sperm from the same donor [as her other Nordic child]. Others are going to Canada or Mexico, or haggling with other American women who have leftover vials [of Nordic sperm].

Washington Post
Comments 'nordic_sperm'

But what will happen to Isaac Hayes's soul (since he was a Scientologist)?
Slate.com's Explainer explains:

His soul will be "born again into the flesh of another body," as the Scientology Press Office's FAQ puts it. The actual details of how that rebirth occurs are not fully understood by church outsiders, but some core beliefs of Scientology are that every human being is really an immortal spiritual being known as a thetan and that the "meat bodies" we inhabit are merely vessels we shed upon death. (Members of the elite church cadre known as Sea Org, for example, sign contracts that pledge a billion years of service throughout successive lives.)

And

If Hayes had progressed high enough on the Bridge [to Total Freedom, the process of becoming "clear"], he might have begun preparing for his next life in the final days of this one.

Slate.com
Comments 'hayes_scientology'

"Therefore, bite me!"
That was gov't official Greg Nance, quoted at a public meeting. First of all, it was a meeting of the Nevada Board of Education [LOL!], and Nance is a member. Second, he was busy ignoring a discussion of charter schools because he (age 49) was cooingly dangling jewelry in the face of his brand-new wife, age 20 and confined to a scooter because of MS [CORRECTION: cerebral palsy] (though Nance claims he's had a good ol' time in their 12 days of marriage). So when the state's deputy attorney gen'l suggested that Nance take a seat with the other Board members, Nance informed him that there was no law forbidding him from sitting next to his wife and so . . . see above quote. Las Vegas Review-Journal (sidebar)
Comments 'bite_me'

But for alcohol, News of the Weird could not exist
For example, in Boonton, N.J., on Sunday a drunk driver assumed a pretty high profile by hitting a utility pole so hard that her car door came off, but she kept on driving, anyway. About the same time, a woman in Jacksonville, Fla., apparently aimed her car at a bicyclist, hit her, stopped, jumped out of her car and into the car of a motorist who stopped to help the cyclist, then got out and commandeered yet another car, appeared to deliberately ram her own car with that commandeered car, then drove into a fence, and, of course, at that point, got out and took off her clothes. Ta da ta da! (Yes, there's a mugshot.) Associated Press via Yahoo // FirstCoastNews.com (Jacksonville)
Comments 'boonton_jacksonville'

People Whose Sex Lives Are Worse Than Yours
Charlie Wilkes Jr., 31, was arrested in Danielsville, Ga., on drug charges but also had a suspicious "large lump in the front of his blue jeans," wrote an officer, "with wires running from inside his pants and hanging down dragging the ground" as he walked. Wilkes said it was a "homemade vibrator." Madison Journal (Danielsville)
Comments 'charlie_wilkes'

Your Daily Jury Duty
[no fair examining the evidence; verdict must be based on mugshot only]
Timothy Reichmuth, 51, now part of law enforcement in Carmel, Ind., but accused of molesting an underage girl a while back. WRTV (Indianapolis)
Comments 'timothy_reichmuth'

Eyewitness News
[news video goin' around]
Burger King employee bathing in the main stainless-steel sink in a Xenia, Ohio, restaurant while his colleagues of similar age and maturity gather around (BK fired 'em all!) WDTN-TV (Dayton) [from Drudge]
KCCI-TV (Des Moines) goes on location to State Fair for reporter's playing around with a 10-ft python, which crawls up his pants, gets stuck; and they can't get it out. Live TV! (Hint: Don't wear shorts when you interview a python; they seek heat.) KCCI-TV [from Drudge]
Comments 'eyewitness_080813'

More Things to Worry About on Wednesday
An anti-discrimination complaint was lodged against a pharmacy chain in Sweden for stocking vibrators (for gals!) but not artificial vaginas (but management said that's only because the men-oriented toys are not of "good quality" . . . . . His time must've come: A 32-yr-old North Carolina man was killed, impaled (in his head) by a flying poolside umbrella . . . . . A Detroit News investigation revealed that not only do whites (and now blacks) flee the city for the suburbs, but about 500 dead people flee every year, too (er, disinterred by relatives) . . . . . The very lazy Debra Gottrell, 58, who has been paid for 4 yrs to deliver telephone directories in Las Cruces, N.M., has apparently just stuck 'em all in a storage locker, instead (n=100,000) . . . . . In Des Moines, Iowa, Mr. Hung Doc Vu, 49, was ticketed for his home-neutering attempt of a dog that went bad, even though he said he was using the old family technique passed down by his father and grandfather. Today's Newsrangers: Sam Gaines, Tim Farley, Lindsay Gilliat, Jeanne Pratt
Comments 'worry_080813'