Chuck’s Weekly Cite-Seeing (April 9, 2012)

Chuck's Weekly Cite-Seeing Tour
The Crème de la Crème, Every Monday

Hand-Picked and Lightly Seasoned by Chuck Shepherd
April 9, 2012
(datelines from March 30 or later) (links correct as of April 9)

Dehrazi, Afghanistan: "Like it or not," said a United Nations official, "there was better rule of law under the Taliban." He was referring not to Afghan farmers' supplying the world with heroin but to the quaint custom of horny men to bypass burqa-sheathed gals and instead go for pretty little boys for display, companionship, and sex (bacha bazi) (until the boys are old enough to grow a beard, at which time they're history). The Karzai government is maybe against it, maybe not, hard to tell. Washington Post

Tokyo: Japan is deregulating . . fugu chefs! Diners have sure-enough died from eating improperly-fileted poisonous blowfish, which is why those chefs are trained and licensed (and why you can't get a decent fugu meal for under the equivalent of about $120). Until now. The pro-competition Tokyo Metro Gov't is doing away with licensing. Reuters

Boston: Just because you're an applied physicist at MIT and so smart that none of us WU-vies can comprehend the first thing about your job doesn't mean you don't also have needs. For Yaron Segal, 30, apparently, one need was to line up a mom offering her daughters, 12 and 16, for sex. (And guess what he's not smart enough to do. Spot a police sting.) The Smoking Gun

Seattle: The Masters golf tournament is a really meaningful experience for many people, um, white male people, anyway, including Russ Berkman, whose dog ate his tickets just as he was ready to leave for Augusta. Immediately, he induced big Sierra to vomit them out. Then he worked through the puke to reconstruct them (and photo them off to Masters officials to beg for do-overs, which they granted). Yahoo Sports

The F State: (1) No squirt guns, sticks, poles, slingshots, handguns in the central zone around the Republican Convention in Tampa in August. (The city has no jurisdiction over real guns because they are regulated by the National Rifle Association.) [CORRECTION: Real guns are regulated by the state legislature, not the National Rifle Association.] [UPDATE: I had it right the first time.] (2) For sale, on the street outside of DMV offices: driver's license questions and answers, guaranteed to be the exam, $30 cash. (Bonus: And DMV is OK with that.) Tampa Bay Times /// WPLG-TV (Miami)

Angola, La.: How is it possible to keep prisoners in 23 hour/day solitary confinement, in a closet-sized cell, for 40 straight years? Louisiana's done it, and two are there right now. (In a sorta-related matter, an official with the nation's state-of-the-art sound-free lab, in Minneapolis, bets you can't last 45 minutes inside without hallucinating.) BBC News /// World's Greatest Newspaper

Moscow: Russian intelligence is warning that they're working on a microwave gun that's "many times more powerful than in the Matrix films," that attacks the central nervous system and scrambles your brain. It says here that Putin has confirmed the project. World's Greatest Newspaper

London: Researchers at Britain's Met Office, writing in the journal Nature, produce this Extremely Inconvenient News: The oceans would not be so warm (and the recent violent weather in the U.S. would not be upon us) if we weren't so successful at cleaning up pollution. That is, particulates in the atmosphere, it turns out, are good at reflecting the sun back where it came from. Awkward. Financial Times (London)

Phoenix, Ariz.: Not only did Yuan Tian, 23, show fondness for the bare foot of the 23-yr-old shopper but apparently wouldn't let go and had to be separated from the object of his affection by other Target customers. (Bonus explanation: I fell, and my mouth landed on her foot.) KTVK-TV (Phoenix)

Plympton, England: He's got 20,000 bird ornaments in his home, and he has to eat and sleep elsewhere because there's no more room. His father: "It is ridiculous. I just hope I die before him. I don't want to clear all this out." ThisIsPlymouth.co.uk

New York City: The Medical Examiner's office quickly deteriorated after Law and Order was canceled. "Dr. Rogers" had things under control, but the new guys can't even keep track of which of the deceased's parts they want to study, or for how long, or whether they've notified the family. New York Post

Croatia: Radmilla Kus, 55, got some Internet love last week when her Nakurnjak, or knitted penis warmers, caught the eye of exporters. Oddity Central

Chicago: Just say no. Olga Perdomo (to teller at Albany Bank and Trust): Give me all your money, no cops, no dye pack. Teller: We're closed. Come back tomorrow. (Olga came back the following Monday and was arrested.) Chicago Tribune

Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwillllantysiliogogogoch, Wales: [ed.: Yeah, it's a list of stupid place names from around the U.S. and the world, and it's a stupid slide show, but it was linked on the USA Today website last week.] SmarterTravel.com

Your Weekly Jury Duty [In America, you're presumed innocent . . until the mug shot is released]:

Lisa Robin Kelly (of That 70s Show), busted for alleged spousal abuse. TMZ

Mary Ryan, one of the three residents of the Halfmoon, N.Y., trailer home that housed 134 cats in pathetic condition. Albany Times Union

Thanks to Roy Henock, Patrick Protomanni, and Tom Sullivan, and the mighty NOTW Board of Editorial Advisors.