Chuck’s Weekly Cite-Seeing (March 5, 2012)
Chuck's Weekly Cite-Seeing Tour
The Crème de la Crème, Every Monday
Hand-Picked and Lightly Seasoned by Chuck Shepherd
March 5, 2012
(datelines from February 24 or later) (links correct as of March 5)
© 2012 by Chuck Shepherd. All rights reserved.
Heber City, Utah: A tough-fact-check car crash killed one (Ms. Mula Er) and injured four (Ms. Me Htwe, Mr. Hsar Kpaw Doh, and two of unreported gender, W.T. Htoo and Tar Eh). Salt Lake Tribune
Baton Rouge, La.: In the alcohol-sophisticated Louisiana legislature, the debate was over whether drive-through daiquiri bars could sell go-cups with straw holes (to facilitate DUIs). WWL-TV (New Orleans)
Gainesville, Ga.: West High School and middle school were locked down. Reason: A cell phone's auto-correct had changed a text from "gunna be at west hall" to "gunman be at west hall." Gainesville Times
Seattle: (This--and not abortion counseling--is a reason to de-fund Planned Parenthood.) A PP group distributed 55,000 condoms with QR codes so users could scan in the locations in which they were having sex. New York Daily News
Shandong Province, China: Villagers who can't afford to heat their homes take huge condom-like inflatables to a natural gas substation every few days, fill them up, and take them home. ChinaSmack via Gizmodo
Hobe Sound, Fla.: Not sure about cause-and-effect here, but a highly intoxicated (0.409) Kevin Brann, 41, was arrested behind the wheel and with a butt plug in place. TCPalm.com (Stuart, Fla.)
Harare, Zimbabwe: The prostitutes are truly full-service. A woman was accidentally electrocuted while hanging a client's just-washed clothes out to dry as part of his all-nighter. Newsday (Harare)
Swindon, England: The borough council has discovered that the 1992 Protection of Badgers Act bars any action to stop badgers from burrowing into graves at the Radnor Street Cemetery. BBC News
Gastonia, N.C.: In a location usually reserved for cocaine or heroin, Asheton Biggerstaff, 24, apparently used his butt cheeks to smuggle in . . chewing tobacco. Gaston Gazette
Bradenton, Fla.: What can $15 buy you these days? For Adrian Baltierra, 51, one whiff of a street lady's intimate part (actually, an undercover cop's). The Smoking Gun
Miami, Fla.: Behold Braco! No matter what, people apparently need to find somebody to believe in, even if it's just a guy who stares at you for a few minutes and then walks away. (Certainly! DVDs and jewelry are available in the lobby!) Miami Herald
Lafayette, Ind.: White Castle is test-marketing sliders plusonion rings barbecue appetizers wine, with table service. Wall Street Journal
San Bernardino, Calif.: Someone ratted out smart-guy Stephen Hawking for visits to the Freedom Acres strip joint, where he allegedly enjoys private dancing and admiring the proton growth in various girls' body parts. World's Greatest Newspaper
Toronto: Would an infinite number of orangutans with an infinite number of iPads re-create all the great works of art? Better that they draw on an iPad (said a spokesman for Orangutan Outreach) because there's "no paint to eat." Toronto Star
Salisbury, N.C.: Hard times here. Who counterfeits $1 bills? Salisbury Post
Dublin, Ohio: Eliminating the middle man. County coroner crashes into pedestrian (but the victim will recover). Columbus Dispatch
Your Weekly Jury Duty [In America, you're presumed innocent . . until the mug shot is released]:
Matthew Miranda, 25, was charged with dine-and-dash in Milford, Conn. (Bonus: The diner actually thought this guy was a good risk to pay the check). /// Y'all be on the lookout for this guy in the police sketch, OK? Connecticut Post /// WTAE-TV (Pittsburgh, Pa.)
Editor's Notes: The TLC channel is officially designated cable TV's most important service. Hoarders! My Strange Addiction! Toddlers and Tiaras! Now, debuting this coming Wednesday, My Crazy Obsession profiles the couple who estimates they've spent $1m on 5,000 Cabbage Patch kids and who ritually mingle with them. MSNBC /// TLC Channel
Unofficially: (1) world's ugliest animal (its face, anyway). /// 10 Chinese drinks you mustn't try. National Geographic /// Inventors Spot
Thanks to Matt Rushing, Dave Henshaw, Dave Scallon, and Elaine Weiss and the mighty NOTW Board of Editorial Advisors.
The Crème de la Crème, Every Monday
Hand-Picked and Lightly Seasoned by Chuck Shepherd
March 5, 2012
(datelines from February 24 or later) (links correct as of March 5)
© 2012 by Chuck Shepherd. All rights reserved.
Heber City, Utah: A tough-fact-check car crash killed one (Ms. Mula Er) and injured four (Ms. Me Htwe, Mr. Hsar Kpaw Doh, and two of unreported gender, W.T. Htoo and Tar Eh). Salt Lake Tribune
Baton Rouge, La.: In the alcohol-sophisticated Louisiana legislature, the debate was over whether drive-through daiquiri bars could sell go-cups with straw holes (to facilitate DUIs). WWL-TV (New Orleans)
Gainesville, Ga.: West High School and middle school were locked down. Reason: A cell phone's auto-correct had changed a text from "gunna be at west hall" to "gunman be at west hall." Gainesville Times
Seattle: (This--and not abortion counseling--is a reason to de-fund Planned Parenthood.) A PP group distributed 55,000 condoms with QR codes so users could scan in the locations in which they were having sex. New York Daily News
Shandong Province, China: Villagers who can't afford to heat their homes take huge condom-like inflatables to a natural gas substation every few days, fill them up, and take them home. ChinaSmack via Gizmodo
Hobe Sound, Fla.: Not sure about cause-and-effect here, but a highly intoxicated (0.409) Kevin Brann, 41, was arrested behind the wheel and with a butt plug in place. TCPalm.com (Stuart, Fla.)
Harare, Zimbabwe: The prostitutes are truly full-service. A woman was accidentally electrocuted while hanging a client's just-washed clothes out to dry as part of his all-nighter. Newsday (Harare)
Swindon, England: The borough council has discovered that the 1992 Protection of Badgers Act bars any action to stop badgers from burrowing into graves at the Radnor Street Cemetery. BBC News
Gastonia, N.C.: In a location usually reserved for cocaine or heroin, Asheton Biggerstaff, 24, apparently used his butt cheeks to smuggle in . . chewing tobacco. Gaston Gazette
Bradenton, Fla.: What can $15 buy you these days? For Adrian Baltierra, 51, one whiff of a street lady's intimate part (actually, an undercover cop's). The Smoking Gun
Miami, Fla.: Behold Braco! No matter what, people apparently need to find somebody to believe in, even if it's just a guy who stares at you for a few minutes and then walks away. (Certainly! DVDs and jewelry are available in the lobby!) Miami Herald
Lafayette, Ind.: White Castle is test-marketing sliders plus
San Bernardino, Calif.: Someone ratted out smart-guy Stephen Hawking for visits to the Freedom Acres strip joint, where he allegedly enjoys private dancing and admiring the proton growth in various girls' body parts. World's Greatest Newspaper
Toronto: Would an infinite number of orangutans with an infinite number of iPads re-create all the great works of art? Better that they draw on an iPad (said a spokesman for Orangutan Outreach) because there's "no paint to eat." Toronto Star
Salisbury, N.C.: Hard times here. Who counterfeits $1 bills? Salisbury Post
Dublin, Ohio: Eliminating the middle man. County coroner crashes into pedestrian (but the victim will recover). Columbus Dispatch
Your Weekly Jury Duty [In America, you're presumed innocent . . until the mug shot is released]:
Matthew Miranda, 25, was charged with dine-and-dash in Milford, Conn. (Bonus: The diner actually thought this guy was a good risk to pay the check). /// Y'all be on the lookout for this guy in the police sketch, OK? Connecticut Post /// WTAE-TV (Pittsburgh, Pa.)
Editor's Notes: The TLC channel is officially designated cable TV's most important service. Hoarders! My Strange Addiction! Toddlers and Tiaras! Now, debuting this coming Wednesday, My Crazy Obsession profiles the couple who estimates they've spent $1m on 5,000 Cabbage Patch kids and who ritually mingle with them. MSNBC /// TLC Channel
Unofficially: (1) world's ugliest animal (its face, anyway). /// 10 Chinese drinks you mustn't try. National Geographic /// Inventors Spot
Thanks to Matt Rushing, Dave Henshaw, Dave Scallon, and Elaine Weiss and the mighty NOTW Board of Editorial Advisors.
Comments
Chuck, you left out the bonus in the Zimbabwe prostitute story: her family is refusing to bury her until the john pays her bride price.
The name of the smokeless tobacco would make him a good candidate for male enlargement testimonials.
The name of the smokeless tobacco would make him a good candidate for male enlargement testimonials.
Posted by ges on 03/05/12 at 10:53 PM
Utah Car Crash I'm guessing that the Mormon church is branching out a bit?
PP & QRcodes In case it breaks you know what to call the kid. eg: Indiana, Georgia, Virginia, Montana, Mexafornia, etc.
http://www.imagesby.me/qrcode.png
Chinese Gas Bags Why did my mind go directly to politics?
Fstate Butt Plug No sh1t?
Ode de la Femme At $15 a whiff it tops the money list.
Braco "Healer" Just a whiff of odeur du fumier.
Orangutan vs iPad Intellectual leveling.
Jury Duty :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
10 Drinks I'm a believer!
PP & QRcodes In case it breaks you know what to call the kid. eg: Indiana, Georgia, Virginia, Montana, Mexafornia, etc.
http://www.imagesby.me/qrcode.png
Chinese Gas Bags Why did my mind go directly to politics?
Fstate Butt Plug No sh1t?
Ode de la Femme At $15 a whiff it tops the money list.
Braco "Healer" Just a whiff of odeur du fumier.
Orangutan vs iPad Intellectual leveling.
Jury Duty :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
10 Drinks I'm a believer!
Posted by Expat47 in Athens, Greece on 03/06/12 at 01:14 AM
Stephen Hawking: Hey the guy's a scientist right? He said women were a mystery to him, so now he's doing some research. "The Hawk" don't just do theory!
Posted by Dumbfounded on 03/06/12 at 05:59 AM
Expat, attaboy for "odeur du fumier"!
Smokeless: "The warrant does not state whether Biggerstaff planned to later put the smokeless tobacco in his mouth." :sick: :shut:
Jury Duty: #1: looks trustworthy to me. 😜 #2: I think I know that guy.
Smokeless: "The warrant does not state whether Biggerstaff planned to later put the smokeless tobacco in his mouth." :sick: :shut:
Jury Duty: #1: looks trustworthy to me. 😜 #2: I think I know that guy.
Posted by TheCannyScot in Atlanta, GA on 03/06/12 at 06:08 AM
laundry- Someone who has sex with a guy and does his laundry? Sounds like a wife to me.
badgers- Sounds like a grave problem to me.(I can't believe no one beat me to that!)
chew- The guy did something I did not think was possible, he made chew even more disgusting.
sniff for $15- Sometimes you want to go out to eat but you can only afford a appetizer.
Hawking- Leave the poor guy alone, he's a scientist not a priest for goodness sakes.
jury duty 2- Looks like one of the coneheads in a burka.
badgers- Sounds like a grave problem to me.(I can't believe no one beat me to that!)
chew- The guy did something I did not think was possible, he made chew even more disgusting.
sniff for $15- Sometimes you want to go out to eat but you can only afford a appetizer.
Hawking- Leave the poor guy alone, he's a scientist not a priest for goodness sakes.
jury duty 2- Looks like one of the coneheads in a burka.
Posted by Patty in Ohio, USA on 03/07/12 at 05:02 AM
Re Jury Duty... Here in Pittsburgh -- espeshally dahntahn Pissburgh or in da Sath-Side an 'at -- it's Yunz, not Y'all!
Posted by Kyle Morgan on 03/09/12 at 09:38 AM
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