Dementia, Somnabulism, Laparoscopy
and the Morning Edition of Chuck's News of the Weird Daily for Monday
Fine points of F State law: Jury: "Not guilty"; Judge: "OK, then, 55 yrs in prison"
Ms. Johnnie Miles, whose rap sheet takes quite a while to print out, was actually acquitted of the latest bad-check charge, but under Florida law, the judge is empowered to re-examine the facts, and he thought she was guilty as hell. Though he couldn't sentence her for that, he did sentence her to serve in full the eleven 5-yr sentences she was on probation for (and which she violated by passing the bad checks, for which she was acquitted). [Ed.: It helps to live in Florida if ya need to understand that.] TCPalm.com (Stuart, Fla.)
Comments 'johnnie_miles'
Le Trungs's homemade female robot
A 33-yr-old Ontario man with a lifelong robot fascination has created Ms. Aiko for, he guesses, about $20k (Cdn) but still needs at least $7k in motors to get her to walk, but so far she can read newspapers, distinguish 300 faces per second, and speak 13,000 English and Japanese phrases. "If you talk dirty to her, she will talk dirty back." His goal is to make her clean his toilet and Q-tip his ears. (And, yes, she's genitally-correct, but, "Do I sleep with her? No.") CTV News
Comments 'letrung_robot'
Latest advance in somnabulism: sending e-mail while asleep
Courts have decided that it's an act of nature if you talk in your sleep, force sex on someone while you're asleep, even kill someone while you're asleep, but in some ways, this is more complex: She logged onto her e-mail account (with password!) and composed and sent three e-mails (even though they didn't make much sense). Daily Telegraph (London) [reviewing article in the journal Sleep Medicine]
Comments 'email_asleep'
What can be done, must be done?
Photographer Yeon Lee opened a London show on how women "are categorized in male-dominated societies," featuring one woman in a full-body burqa, apparently with only four holes cut out (two for the eyes, two for the nipples). The Union of Muslim Organizations of the UK and Ireland is kinda opposed to that. The London Paper
Comments 'yeonlee_burqa'
How to enrage PETA in Germany
A reality-show farmer got caught on camera recommending that chickens' genitals be fingered, so they'd get "orgasms." The program is "Farmer Wants a Wife," where various women drop by to audition to be Hansi's beloved, and obviously, Hansi's destined to be single for a long, long time. Bild [Ed.: I know, I warned you that Bild's new English-language site was gonna cause trouble for me, but this story is dressed up enough that I think it's real]
Comments 'chicken_orgasms'
At last! A commercial opportunity for News of the Weird
[Ed.: I'm already dreaming of how I'll spend that fat gov't mental-health grant!] Australian researchers say that a key indicator for frontotemporal dementia in seniors is whether they can respond properly to sarcasm. If they don't realize you're being sarcastic, they're on their way down. [Ed.: Note to researchers: I can write content for you, cheap; I know how researchers always ask governments and foundations for the absolute-least amount of money possible.] Daily Telegraph (Sydney) [reviewing article in the journal Brain]
Comments 'sarcasm_dementia'
Your Daily Losers
Three women, ages 21, 19, and 18, were busted, and among the evidence on them was a printed guide from the Internet, How to Commit Armed Robbery in Six Easy Steps, which was written sorta-jokey (only the gals appeared not to realize that, which as we all know now, is a sign of frontotemporal dementia). Plus, their choice of crime scene was a Dollar Tree store. The Smoking Gun
Comments 'dollartree_robbery'
People Whose Sex Lives Are Worse Than Yours
He was apparently making himself at home in a men's room stall at the Milwaukee Public Museum, moaning and with porn magazines scattered on the floor, and of course a guard came and escorted him out, but one witness recounted, "He said to the security guard . . . that he comes in here every day and it doesn't seem to be a problem and why is it a problem today?" WTMJ-TV
Comments 'milwaukee_museum'
Your Daily Jury Duty
[no fair examining the evidence; verdict must be based on mugshot only]
OK, make yourselves useful. The formal, legal-schmegal jury will be deliberating starting today on whether Wayne Bent, 67, is guilty of molesting two girls, age 14 and 16, and here he is on the witness stand saying that he really had no choice in the matter, in that God told him that he had to lie down with the girls. One supports him; one doesn't. I'll bet you can reach a decision more quickly. (Bonus: He says he only fondled them on the "sternum.") KRQE-TV (Albuquerque)
Comments 'wayne_bent'
More Things to Worry About on Monday
Texas prisoners, acting as their own lawyers, try to point out to the judge that there is a Constitutional right to watch TV. Beaumont Enterprise
Heath Campbell and his wife are all upset that the ShopRite supermarket in Greenwich Twp, Pa., won't make them a personalized birthday cake for their little 3-yr-old, Adolf Hitler Campbell (who by the way has a sister, age 1, JoyceLynn Aryan Nation Campbell). Express-Times (Easton, Pa.)
Dr. Richard Demir is a cutting-edge ob-gyn and now wants you to know that he removed, by laparoscopic surgery, a record-breaking uterus (over 7 lbs., vs. the usual uterus of less than 1 lb.). WMAQ–TV (Chicago)
Ambitious: Jason Prince, 27, looking for a good Christmas gift for his two kids, allegedly unbolted a seesaw from a neighborhood playground and took it home in his truck. Sarasota Herald-Tribune
Rioting Version 2.0 in Greece: Protesters complained to the media that police in the current riots aren't playing fair, that they're using out-of-date tear-gas canisters, from 1981, and that the aged chemicals "make us sick, people have fainted and have trouble breathing." The Times (London)
Comments on More Things to Worry About on Monday?
Comments 'worry_081215'
Fine points of F State law: Jury: "Not guilty"; Judge: "OK, then, 55 yrs in prison"
Ms. Johnnie Miles, whose rap sheet takes quite a while to print out, was actually acquitted of the latest bad-check charge, but under Florida law, the judge is empowered to re-examine the facts, and he thought she was guilty as hell. Though he couldn't sentence her for that, he did sentence her to serve in full the eleven 5-yr sentences she was on probation for (and which she violated by passing the bad checks, for which she was acquitted). [Ed.: It helps to live in Florida if ya need to understand that.] TCPalm.com (Stuart, Fla.)
Comments 'johnnie_miles'
Le Trungs's homemade female robot
A 33-yr-old Ontario man with a lifelong robot fascination has created Ms. Aiko for, he guesses, about $20k (Cdn) but still needs at least $7k in motors to get her to walk, but so far she can read newspapers, distinguish 300 faces per second, and speak 13,000 English and Japanese phrases. "If you talk dirty to her, she will talk dirty back." His goal is to make her clean his toilet and Q-tip his ears. (And, yes, she's genitally-correct, but, "Do I sleep with her? No.") CTV News
Comments 'letrung_robot'
Latest advance in somnabulism: sending e-mail while asleep
Courts have decided that it's an act of nature if you talk in your sleep, force sex on someone while you're asleep, even kill someone while you're asleep, but in some ways, this is more complex: She logged onto her e-mail account (with password!) and composed and sent three e-mails (even though they didn't make much sense). Daily Telegraph (London) [reviewing article in the journal Sleep Medicine]
Comments 'email_asleep'
What can be done, must be done?
Photographer Yeon Lee opened a London show on how women "are categorized in male-dominated societies," featuring one woman in a full-body burqa, apparently with only four holes cut out (two for the eyes, two for the nipples). The Union of Muslim Organizations of the UK and Ireland is kinda opposed to that. The London Paper
Comments 'yeonlee_burqa'
How to enrage PETA in Germany
A reality-show farmer got caught on camera recommending that chickens' genitals be fingered, so they'd get "orgasms." The program is "Farmer Wants a Wife," where various women drop by to audition to be Hansi's beloved, and obviously, Hansi's destined to be single for a long, long time. Bild [Ed.: I know, I warned you that Bild's new English-language site was gonna cause trouble for me, but this story is dressed up enough that I think it's real]
Comments 'chicken_orgasms'
At last! A commercial opportunity for News of the Weird
[Ed.: I'm already dreaming of how I'll spend that fat gov't mental-health grant!] Australian researchers say that a key indicator for frontotemporal dementia in seniors is whether they can respond properly to sarcasm. If they don't realize you're being sarcastic, they're on their way down. [Ed.: Note to researchers: I can write content for you, cheap; I know how researchers always ask governments and foundations for the absolute-least amount of money possible.] Daily Telegraph (Sydney) [reviewing article in the journal Brain]
Comments 'sarcasm_dementia'
Your Daily Losers
Three women, ages 21, 19, and 18, were busted, and among the evidence on them was a printed guide from the Internet, How to Commit Armed Robbery in Six Easy Steps, which was written sorta-jokey (only the gals appeared not to realize that, which as we all know now, is a sign of frontotemporal dementia). Plus, their choice of crime scene was a Dollar Tree store. The Smoking Gun
Comments 'dollartree_robbery'
People Whose Sex Lives Are Worse Than Yours
He was apparently making himself at home in a men's room stall at the Milwaukee Public Museum, moaning and with porn magazines scattered on the floor, and of course a guard came and escorted him out, but one witness recounted, "He said to the security guard . . . that he comes in here every day and it doesn't seem to be a problem and why is it a problem today?" WTMJ-TV
Comments 'milwaukee_museum'
Your Daily Jury Duty
[no fair examining the evidence; verdict must be based on mugshot only]
OK, make yourselves useful. The formal, legal-schmegal jury will be deliberating starting today on whether Wayne Bent, 67, is guilty of molesting two girls, age 14 and 16, and here he is on the witness stand saying that he really had no choice in the matter, in that God told him that he had to lie down with the girls. One supports him; one doesn't. I'll bet you can reach a decision more quickly. (Bonus: He says he only fondled them on the "sternum.") KRQE-TV (Albuquerque)
Comments 'wayne_bent'
More Things to Worry About on Monday
Texas prisoners, acting as their own lawyers, try to point out to the judge that there is a Constitutional right to watch TV. Beaumont Enterprise
Heath Campbell and his wife are all upset that the ShopRite supermarket in Greenwich Twp, Pa., won't make them a personalized birthday cake for their little 3-yr-old, Adolf Hitler Campbell (who by the way has a sister, age 1, JoyceLynn Aryan Nation Campbell). Express-Times (Easton, Pa.)
Dr. Richard Demir is a cutting-edge ob-gyn and now wants you to know that he removed, by laparoscopic surgery, a record-breaking uterus (over 7 lbs., vs. the usual uterus of less than 1 lb.). WMAQ–TV (Chicago)
Ambitious: Jason Prince, 27, looking for a good Christmas gift for his two kids, allegedly unbolted a seesaw from a neighborhood playground and took it home in his truck. Sarasota Herald-Tribune
Rioting Version 2.0 in Greece: Protesters complained to the media that police in the current riots aren't playing fair, that they're using out-of-date tear-gas canisters, from 1981, and that the aged chemicals "make us sick, people have fainted and have trouble breathing." The Times (London)
Comments on More Things to Worry About on Monday?
Comments 'worry_081215'
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