Enterprises Launched, Kids Feared, Sic’s Scattered
and the Morning Edition of Chuck's News of the Weird Daily for Wednesday, December 3, 2008 [and, although there's probably enough news for an Afternoon edition today, I'm too busy to handle it so I'll see ya tomorrow morning]
Business plans, civic plans
(1) An academic adviser at Ohio State and an 8-yr-veteran children's sex-abuse case worker were involved in a Consumer Reports-type rating service of hookers around Columbus (the case worker was a best-buy). Then the adviser tried to run a raffle on the chance to win the aforementioned platinum-standard woman from a mere $10 ticket. The adviser requested low bail from the judge because after all, he's a married man and has a respectable job with a venerable institution. (2) "I'm seeing a level of ignorance out there like you wouldn't believe," said Daniel Essek, 47, talking about his organization Society for Liberty and Prosperity and explaining why it's important to once again challenge whether the President-elect is a natural-born American. The SLP will meet Saturday night at his home in Whitley County, Ky., and he hopes to have more members by then than just himself ("president") and his wife ("treasurer"). SLP is against "barbarism, collectivism, Communism, conformitism [sic], despitism [another sic], fachism [again], favoritism, imperialism, institutionalism, liberalism, Nazism [perhaps, perhaps not], nepitism [OK, last one], progressivism, racism, sexism, and Socialism." And of course, tax increases. Columbus Dispatch /// Lexington Herald-Leader
Comments 'business_civic'
Prodigies
(1) A first-grader in Pembroke Pines, Fla., was suspended for (allegedly) holding a kitchen knife up to a classmate's nose and stealing his dollar. (2) An 11-yr-old in Estero, Fla., was actually arrested and cuffed for pointing a steak knife at his mother and threatening to kill her (something about "homework"). (3) The 8-yr-old Arizona boy being held for murdering his father and another man last month has given several explanations, but the best IMHO is that the kid kept count of the number of spankings he'd endured in his life, and when the magic "1,000" was reached, his father was going down (but remember now, he's eight; he didn't exactly have a pre-built grasp of numbers when his mother squeezed him out) South Florida Sun-Sentinel /// Naples Daily News /// Arizona Republic
Comments 'three_prodigies'
Your Daily Loser
Benedict Harkins, 46, submitted an insurance claim for a trip-and-fall back injury from a badly-placed rug at the entrance of the Farm Fresh Market in Jamestown, N.Y. But then police informed him that the entrance has a surveillance camera, and video caught him lowering himself to the floor and arranging the rug in such-and-such a way. Claim, er, withdrawn (but charges filed against him, nonetheless). Buffalo News
Comments 'benedict_harkins'
People Whose Sex Lives Are Worse Than Yours
Earl Brown's sex life used to be worse than yours because he's no longer with us, since he was (allegedly) shot by Mrs. Brown because she was weary of his constantly pestering her for sex. As you can see from her photo . . .. KSHB-TV (Kansas City)
Comments 'earl_brown'
Your Daily Jury Duty
[no fair examining the evidence; verdict must be based on mugshot only]
These ladies might have come from a family of hand-me-down assaulters (mother beat daughter; daughter beat younger brother). News & Observer (Raleigh, N.C.)
Comments 'handmedown_assault'
More Things to Worry About on Wednesday
Michael Schwab, 52, said he had received an urgent message from God last Friday that a certain lady driver up ahead of him "was not driving like a Christian" and "needed to be taken off the road," which led him to chase her, and eventually both crashed (with (minor injuries). USA Today
People Different From Us: A 20-yr-old F State woman would like to help police find her ex-boyfriend, who she says stole the wig right off her head and whom she has lived with for eight months, but she only knew him by his first name (and the first letter of his last name). TCPalm.com (Stuart, Fla.)
News that sounds like a joke . . well, no, it must be a joke, except that it's tough to make jokes about animal abuse: London's Daily Telegraph reported a case of bestiality with what purports to be a photo of the actual victim (a horse), but since it was a sex crime, the newspaper placed a black privacy bar over the victim's eyes. [Ed.: In any event, out of solidarity, Weird Universe is not releasing the victim's name.] Daily Telegraph
(Recurring Theme) Public-housing activists in Malaysia used the quaint Third World protest tactic (which, of course, should be widely embraced in the U.S. but is not) of demonstrating while butt-naked. Agence France-Presse
New York City's real-estate-registration procedures are so Ehhh-Whatever that a Daily News reporter walked into the city property office, filled out paperwork, and 90 minutes later had a legitimate-looking deed to the Empire State Building. New York Daily News
Today's Newsrangers: Stephen Taylor, Mindy Cohen, Sam Gaines, Tom Barker, Bruce Leiserowitz, Harry Farkas, Sandy Pearlman, Bruce Alter
Comments on More Things to Worry About on Wednesday?
Comments 'worry_081203'
Business plans, civic plans
(1) An academic adviser at Ohio State and an 8-yr-veteran children's sex-abuse case worker were involved in a Consumer Reports-type rating service of hookers around Columbus (the case worker was a best-buy). Then the adviser tried to run a raffle on the chance to win the aforementioned platinum-standard woman from a mere $10 ticket. The adviser requested low bail from the judge because after all, he's a married man and has a respectable job with a venerable institution. (2) "I'm seeing a level of ignorance out there like you wouldn't believe," said Daniel Essek, 47, talking about his organization Society for Liberty and Prosperity and explaining why it's important to once again challenge whether the President-elect is a natural-born American. The SLP will meet Saturday night at his home in Whitley County, Ky., and he hopes to have more members by then than just himself ("president") and his wife ("treasurer"). SLP is against "barbarism, collectivism, Communism, conformitism [sic], despitism [another sic], fachism [again], favoritism, imperialism, institutionalism, liberalism, Nazism [perhaps, perhaps not], nepitism [OK, last one], progressivism, racism, sexism, and Socialism." And of course, tax increases. Columbus Dispatch /// Lexington Herald-Leader
Comments 'business_civic'
Prodigies
(1) A first-grader in Pembroke Pines, Fla., was suspended for (allegedly) holding a kitchen knife up to a classmate's nose and stealing his dollar. (2) An 11-yr-old in Estero, Fla., was actually arrested and cuffed for pointing a steak knife at his mother and threatening to kill her (something about "homework"). (3) The 8-yr-old Arizona boy being held for murdering his father and another man last month has given several explanations, but the best IMHO is that the kid kept count of the number of spankings he'd endured in his life, and when the magic "1,000" was reached, his father was going down (but remember now, he's eight; he didn't exactly have a pre-built grasp of numbers when his mother squeezed him out) South Florida Sun-Sentinel /// Naples Daily News /// Arizona Republic
Comments 'three_prodigies'
Your Daily Loser
Benedict Harkins, 46, submitted an insurance claim for a trip-and-fall back injury from a badly-placed rug at the entrance of the Farm Fresh Market in Jamestown, N.Y. But then police informed him that the entrance has a surveillance camera, and video caught him lowering himself to the floor and arranging the rug in such-and-such a way. Claim, er, withdrawn (but charges filed against him, nonetheless). Buffalo News
Comments 'benedict_harkins'
People Whose Sex Lives Are Worse Than Yours
Earl Brown's sex life used to be worse than yours because he's no longer with us, since he was (allegedly) shot by Mrs. Brown because she was weary of his constantly pestering her for sex. As you can see from her photo . . .. KSHB-TV (Kansas City)
Comments 'earl_brown'
Your Daily Jury Duty
[no fair examining the evidence; verdict must be based on mugshot only]
These ladies might have come from a family of hand-me-down assaulters (mother beat daughter; daughter beat younger brother). News & Observer (Raleigh, N.C.)
Comments 'handmedown_assault'
More Things to Worry About on Wednesday
Michael Schwab, 52, said he had received an urgent message from God last Friday that a certain lady driver up ahead of him "was not driving like a Christian" and "needed to be taken off the road," which led him to chase her, and eventually both crashed (with (minor injuries). USA Today
People Different From Us: A 20-yr-old F State woman would like to help police find her ex-boyfriend, who she says stole the wig right off her head and whom she has lived with for eight months, but she only knew him by his first name (and the first letter of his last name). TCPalm.com (Stuart, Fla.)
News that sounds like a joke . . well, no, it must be a joke, except that it's tough to make jokes about animal abuse: London's Daily Telegraph reported a case of bestiality with what purports to be a photo of the actual victim (a horse), but since it was a sex crime, the newspaper placed a black privacy bar over the victim's eyes. [Ed.: In any event, out of solidarity, Weird Universe is not releasing the victim's name.] Daily Telegraph
(Recurring Theme) Public-housing activists in Malaysia used the quaint Third World protest tactic (which, of course, should be widely embraced in the U.S. but is not) of demonstrating while butt-naked. Agence France-Presse
New York City's real-estate-registration procedures are so Ehhh-Whatever that a Daily News reporter walked into the city property office, filled out paperwork, and 90 minutes later had a legitimate-looking deed to the Empire State Building. New York Daily News
Today's Newsrangers: Stephen Taylor, Mindy Cohen, Sam Gaines, Tom Barker, Bruce Leiserowitz, Harry Farkas, Sandy Pearlman, Bruce Alter
Comments on More Things to Worry About on Wednesday?
Comments 'worry_081203'
Comments
Commenting is not available in this channel entry.
Category: