Maggot Therapy, Six Pounds of Groin, an “Assistance Kangaroo”
and the Morning Edition of Chuck's News of the Weird Daily for Thursday [and, as is sometimes the case on Thursdays, I'm too slugged-out for the rest of the day to do an Afternoon Edition. Forgive me.]
Once in a while, there's a story that defies summarizing
Let me just drop in some key phrases, though: service-animal kangaroo, burned-out RV, frequent strokes (neurological strokes), pet 13-yr-old goat with useless front legs and needs a cart for mobility, Red Cross, motel allows goats but not kangaroos, Florida vacation. Ta-da-ta-daaaaahhhh! Tampa Tribune
Comments 'service_kangaroo'
And even rarer than that, sometimes there's a day with two stories that defy summarizing
Basically, a family of 12 living in a chock-full, weathered single-wide trailer needed it moved to some land they were buying, and hired Chris "Pancake" Meyers to haul it, but he had only hauled, y'know, boats and stuff before. OK, now to the key phrases: Burst tires, middle of U.S. highway 68, 9-hour traffic jam, Sheriff Dick Garrett (last campaign slogan: "More Dick in 2006"), tipped on its side, no permits, 35-year-old grandmother. Lexington Herald-Leader
Comments 'singlewide_trailer'
Your Daily Loser
Not Cut Out for This Line of Work: William Jarrett, 38, snatched a pregnant woman's gold chain in Hempstead Village, N.Y., and ran, but she chased after him . . and caught up to him, and he got busted. And then Jarrett's rap sheet shows 17 prior arrests, with 16 convictions, so here's a guy who not only can't outrun a pregnant woman, but he's the only New York street punk who doesn't know how to beat the court system. Newsday
Comments 'william_jarrett'
People Whose Sex Lives Are Worse Than Yours
Motorist Keith Weatherley, 46, Newcastle, Australia, was stopped by police near a beach because he was "doing something with his hands" that led them to think he was armed, but he peeled out at about, um, 15 mph until they caught up to him and realized he still had his schlong stuck in a 750ml pasta jar, diddling himself. (Bonus: Even as cops tried to pull him from the car, he kept doing his thing.) The Herald (Newcastle)
Comments 'keith_weatherley'
Your Daily Jury Duty
[no fair examining the evidence; verdict must be based on mugshot only]
From left to right, Mom, 18-yr-old daughter, Mom's friend (charged with shoplifting lots of underwear, and not the Victoria's Secret stuff—just ordinary underwear). WYFF-TV (Greenville, S.C.)
Comments 'underwear_thieves'
More Things to Worry About on Thursday
At what point does "misdiagnosis" (the hospital's characterization) become "malpractice" (the patient's characterization)? (Possible indicator: when pain, fever, and bleeding from the rectum is diagnosed as "reaction to a cold medicine" when it's really "Fournier's gangrene," resulting in the loss of 6 lbs. of groin meat). Seattle Post-Intelligencer
She could have asked the building manager to let her into her new condo when she forgot her key, but, being an experienced mountain climber, she tried it the hard way, from 15th floor balcony to her own 14th floor balcony, but condo balconies are apparently tougher than mountains. Times Colonist (Victoria, B.C.)
In Juneau, Alaska, a convicted sex offender tried to flee in a getaway kayak. Anchorage Daily News
The American Medical Ass'n last week did something-or-other that improved the chances that insurance companies and Medicare would pay for wound-cleaning by maggots, which secrete enzymes that dissolve dead tissue. LiveScience via Yahoo
In an ordinary ol' husband-and-wife DUI case in Reading, Pa., we learn that there's a 26-yr-old woman whose name is Lucy Two-Two. Reading Eagle
Today's Newsrangers: Bob Pert, Justin Warner, Michael Colpitts, Scott Huber, Marty Greb, Pete Randall, Michael Ravnitzky, Debbie Henselin, Perry Levin, Gil Nelson
Comments on More Things to Worry About on Thursday?
Comments 'worry_081120'
Once in a while, there's a story that defies summarizing
Let me just drop in some key phrases, though: service-animal kangaroo, burned-out RV, frequent strokes (neurological strokes), pet 13-yr-old goat with useless front legs and needs a cart for mobility, Red Cross, motel allows goats but not kangaroos, Florida vacation. Ta-da-ta-daaaaahhhh! Tampa Tribune
Comments 'service_kangaroo'
And even rarer than that, sometimes there's a day with two stories that defy summarizing
Basically, a family of 12 living in a chock-full, weathered single-wide trailer needed it moved to some land they were buying, and hired Chris "Pancake" Meyers to haul it, but he had only hauled, y'know, boats and stuff before. OK, now to the key phrases: Burst tires, middle of U.S. highway 68, 9-hour traffic jam, Sheriff Dick Garrett (last campaign slogan: "More Dick in 2006"), tipped on its side, no permits, 35-year-old grandmother. Lexington Herald-Leader
Comments 'singlewide_trailer'
Your Daily Loser
Not Cut Out for This Line of Work: William Jarrett, 38, snatched a pregnant woman's gold chain in Hempstead Village, N.Y., and ran, but she chased after him . . and caught up to him, and he got busted. And then Jarrett's rap sheet shows 17 prior arrests, with 16 convictions, so here's a guy who not only can't outrun a pregnant woman, but he's the only New York street punk who doesn't know how to beat the court system. Newsday
Comments 'william_jarrett'
People Whose Sex Lives Are Worse Than Yours
Motorist Keith Weatherley, 46, Newcastle, Australia, was stopped by police near a beach because he was "doing something with his hands" that led them to think he was armed, but he peeled out at about, um, 15 mph until they caught up to him and realized he still had his schlong stuck in a 750ml pasta jar, diddling himself. (Bonus: Even as cops tried to pull him from the car, he kept doing his thing.) The Herald (Newcastle)
Comments 'keith_weatherley'
Your Daily Jury Duty
[no fair examining the evidence; verdict must be based on mugshot only]
From left to right, Mom, 18-yr-old daughter, Mom's friend (charged with shoplifting lots of underwear, and not the Victoria's Secret stuff—just ordinary underwear). WYFF-TV (Greenville, S.C.)
Comments 'underwear_thieves'
More Things to Worry About on Thursday
At what point does "misdiagnosis" (the hospital's characterization) become "malpractice" (the patient's characterization)? (Possible indicator: when pain, fever, and bleeding from the rectum is diagnosed as "reaction to a cold medicine" when it's really "Fournier's gangrene," resulting in the loss of 6 lbs. of groin meat). Seattle Post-Intelligencer
She could have asked the building manager to let her into her new condo when she forgot her key, but, being an experienced mountain climber, she tried it the hard way, from 15th floor balcony to her own 14th floor balcony, but condo balconies are apparently tougher than mountains. Times Colonist (Victoria, B.C.)
In Juneau, Alaska, a convicted sex offender tried to flee in a getaway kayak. Anchorage Daily News
The American Medical Ass'n last week did something-or-other that improved the chances that insurance companies and Medicare would pay for wound-cleaning by maggots, which secrete enzymes that dissolve dead tissue. LiveScience via Yahoo
In an ordinary ol' husband-and-wife DUI case in Reading, Pa., we learn that there's a 26-yr-old woman whose name is Lucy Two-Two. Reading Eagle
Today's Newsrangers: Bob Pert, Justin Warner, Michael Colpitts, Scott Huber, Marty Greb, Pete Randall, Michael Ravnitzky, Debbie Henselin, Perry Levin, Gil Nelson
Comments on More Things to Worry About on Thursday?
Comments 'worry_081120'
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