News of the Weird (August 25, 2013)
News of the Weird
Weirdnuz.M333, August 25, 2013
Copyright 2013 by Chuck Shepherd
[NOTE: Due to circumstancesbeyond my control probably within my control, if I'd handled things differently, News of the Weird 2.0 will not be published this week. Back next Monday.]
Lead Story
PREVIOUSLY ON WEIRD UNIVERSE: The upscale restaurant at the Los Angeles County Museum of Art announced in August that it would soon add a 20-item selection of waters from around the world, priced at from $8 to $16 a bottle (except for a $12 “tasting menu”). Martin Riese, general manager of Ray’s & Stark Bar, who is also a renowned water gourmet, will sell his own California-made 9OH2O, which comes in “limited editions of 10,000 individually numbered glass bottles” at $14 each. Said Riese, “[M]any people don’t know that water is just as important to the entire dining experience [as, say, a good wine].” Riese has been certified as a Water Sommelier by the German Mineral Water Association. [Ray’s & Stark press release via Eater.com, 8-6-2013]
The Continuing Crisis
A security lab, delivering a report to the makers of software for a luxury Japanese toilet, warned that a flaw in their Android program renders the toilet hackable--even while a user sits on it. The Satis (which retails for the equivalent of about $5,600) includes automatic flushing, bidet spray, fragrance-spritzing, and music, according to an August BBC News report, and is controllable by a “My Satis” cell phone app. However, the PIN to operate the app is unalterably “0000,” which means that a prankster with the app could create some very uncomfortable mischief in a public restroom. [BBC News, 8-5-2012]
The CEO of Christian Schools Australia told the Australian Associated Press in June that Caloundra Christian College in Queensland teaches a range of creative sexual health messages and offered the school’s recent student pamphlet, “101 Things to Do Instead of Doing It,” as evidence. Recommended substitutes: “Pretend you’re six again,” “Have a water fight,” “Blow bubbles in the park,” and “Have a burping contest.” [Australian Associated Press via Stuff.co.nz, 6-22-2013]
What Hawkmoth Researchers Know: According to their study in July in the Royal Society of Biology Letters, researchers from the University of Florida and Boise State somehow have learned that the hawkmoth evolved to avoid predator bats by jamming bats’ signature radar-like hunting technique called echolocation. A co-author told ScienceRecorder.com that the hawkmoth “confuses” the bats by emitting sonic pulses from its genitals. [Science Recorder, 7-5-2013]
New Meaning to “Hon. John Hurley”: Immediately following Judge John Hurley’s having reduced her bond from $76,000 to $10,000 on drug trafficking charges in a Fort Lauderdale, Fla., courtroom in August, Felicia Underwood, 38, asked, “You can’t make it a little lower, hon?” According to a South Florida Sun-Sentinel report, Hurley was momentarily taken aback, asking: “Did she just refer to the court as ‘honey’?” “Oh, well . . ..” (He kept the bond at $10,000.) [South Florida Sun-Sentinel, 8-5-2013]
PREVIOUSLY: Adult “swinger” clubs occasionally rent commercial facilities like restaurants for an evening in which randy couples can mingle, but a club in Melbourne, Australia, struck a deal with the Casey Kids Play House Cranbourne, where frolickers could enjoy the playtime equipment--until parents of the kids found out in June. The parents were especially concerned about the partiers cavorting among the plastic balls in the giant ball pit. One parent told the Herald Sun, “My son is one [who] puts balls in his mouth . . ..” [Herald Sun, 6-24-2013]
PREVIOUSLY: British birdwatchers were especially excited by news earlier this year that a rare White-throated Needletail (the world’s fastest flying bird) had been spotted on the UK’s Isles of Harris--only the eighth such sighting in Britain in 170 years--and ornithologists arranged for an expedition that attracted birdwatchers from around the world. A June report in the Daily Telegraph noted that about 80 people were on the scene when the bird appeared again but then had to watch it fly straight toward the blades of a wind turbine. (As the event might be described by Monty Python, the bird thus joined the choir invisible, left this mortal coil, became an ex-White-throated Needletail.) [Daily Telegraph, 6-27-2013]
Bright Ideas
Helpful Derivative Military Technology: Manayunk Cleaners in Philadelphia has been testing delivery of customers’ clothing via its own drone (a converted four-blade DJI Phantom quadricopter originally used for aerial photography), guided by GPS. Said one bemused customer, “I was wondering what the hell that was, to be honest.” So far, the payload is limited to a shirt or towel, to be picked off the hovering aircraft by the customer, but owner Harout Vartanian hopes to buy a bigger drone soon. (PREVIOUSLY) Agence France-Presse news service reported an even bolder drone program in August--delivering beer to music festival-goers in South Africa. The director of the Oppikoppi festival in Limpopo province attested to the drone’s success. A reveler places an order by cell phone, which marks the location, and the drone is dispatched to lower the beer by parachute--usually in the midst of a cheering crowd. [NBC10 (Philadelphia), 7-9-2013] [Agence France-Presse via Breitbart.com, 8-8-2013]
Contrary to popular wisdom, cows do not sleep standing up, but actually spend 12-14 hours a day lying down, even though their shape makes the position uncomfortable. Conscientious dairy farmers use beds of sand to adapt to the cow’s contour, and since the late 1990s, a Wisconsin firm (Advanced Comfort Technology) has marketed $200 cow waterbeds, which are even more flexible. Waterbeds may be superior, also, because they are built with an extra chamber that makes it easier for the cow to lower herself safely. The founders’ daughter, Amy Throndsen, told Huffington Post in June that her parents endured awkward moments starting the company: “Everyone . . . is telling them, ‘Don’t do it. Don’t do it. Are you kidding me? Waterbeds?” [Huffington Post, 6-23-2013]
Perspective
“High School in the Community” (HSC), the teachers’ union-managed school in New Haven, Conn., recently completed the first year of its program aimed in part at ending “social promotion”--the automatic passing of students to the next grade even if they lack the skills and knowledge necessary for that grade. However, the officials were shocked to learn that not a single one of the school’s 44 first-time 9th-graders passed the promotion tests (and will have lengthy 9th-grade make-up sessions over the summer or beginning again in September). (Several other 9th-graders, who were already repeating 9th grade, were promoted.) [New Haven Independent, 6-28-2013]
Oops!
PREVIOUSLY: Look! Up in the Sky!: (1) Andy Hill was enjoying a leisurely inner-tube ride on the Clark Fork River near Missoula, Mont., on Sunday, July 21st--when a man landed on top of him, sending Hill to the hospital with broken bones and torn ligaments. The man, who was not seriously hurt, had playfully jumped from a bridge without looking. (2) College baseball shortstop Mattingly Romanin, 20, suffered a concussion in July, while on the field before a summer league game, when a skydiver knocked him to the ground. The skydiver was part of a pre-game flyover at the Hannibal (Mo.) Cavemen’s game but was wind-blown slightly off-course. [Associated Press via Great Falls Tribune, 7-25-2013] [Fox Sports, 7-21-2013]
Least Competent Criminals
Recurring Themes: (1) PREVIOUSLY: A 28-year-old man ordered to submit to fingerprinting in Mason, Mich., in July in connection with a fraud investigation, had another charge added when he decided to pay the $16 fingerprinting fee with a stolen credit card. (2) Sheriff’s deputies in Apopka, Fla., charged Chad Winslow with burglary after finding him stuck in a grease vent (facing outward) on the roof of Sam’s Discount Food Store in June. According to a deputy, Winslow’s first words were, “I’m stuck, and I have to take a poop.” [MLive.com (Grand Rapids), 7-11-2013] [Bright House Cable News (Orlando), 6-23-2013]
A News of the Weird Classic (November 2010)
Librarian Graham Barker, 45, of Perth, Australia, casually revealed to a reporter in October [2010] that his hobby of 26 years--harvesting his own navel lint daily, just before he showers--has now won acclaim in the Guinness Book of World Records. His three-jar collection (a fourth is in progress) has been sold to a local museum. His pastime, he told London's Daily Mail in October, "costs nothing and takes almost no time or effort so there is no compelling reason to stop." Barker, who also collects McDonald's tray liners, said he once did a "navel lint survey,"and "a handful of respondents" "confessed" to having the hobby. "One guy [said he] might have persisted, but he got married, and his wife ordered him to stop." [Daily Mail, 10-25-2010]
Thanks This Week to Bruce Siegel, Roy Henock, Russell Bell, and J.T. Sterr, and to the News of the Weird Board of Editorial Advisors.
Weirdnuz.M333, August 25, 2013
Copyright 2013 by Chuck Shepherd
[NOTE: Due to circumstances
Lead Story
PREVIOUSLY ON WEIRD UNIVERSE: The upscale restaurant at the Los Angeles County Museum of Art announced in August that it would soon add a 20-item selection of waters from around the world, priced at from $8 to $16 a bottle (except for a $12 “tasting menu”). Martin Riese, general manager of Ray’s & Stark Bar, who is also a renowned water gourmet, will sell his own California-made 9OH2O, which comes in “limited editions of 10,000 individually numbered glass bottles” at $14 each. Said Riese, “[M]any people don’t know that water is just as important to the entire dining experience [as, say, a good wine].” Riese has been certified as a Water Sommelier by the German Mineral Water Association. [Ray’s & Stark press release via Eater.com, 8-6-2013]
The Continuing Crisis
A security lab, delivering a report to the makers of software for a luxury Japanese toilet, warned that a flaw in their Android program renders the toilet hackable--even while a user sits on it. The Satis (which retails for the equivalent of about $5,600) includes automatic flushing, bidet spray, fragrance-spritzing, and music, according to an August BBC News report, and is controllable by a “My Satis” cell phone app. However, the PIN to operate the app is unalterably “0000,” which means that a prankster with the app could create some very uncomfortable mischief in a public restroom. [BBC News, 8-5-2012]
The CEO of Christian Schools Australia told the Australian Associated Press in June that Caloundra Christian College in Queensland teaches a range of creative sexual health messages and offered the school’s recent student pamphlet, “101 Things to Do Instead of Doing It,” as evidence. Recommended substitutes: “Pretend you’re six again,” “Have a water fight,” “Blow bubbles in the park,” and “Have a burping contest.” [Australian Associated Press via Stuff.co.nz, 6-22-2013]
What Hawkmoth Researchers Know: According to their study in July in the Royal Society of Biology Letters, researchers from the University of Florida and Boise State somehow have learned that the hawkmoth evolved to avoid predator bats by jamming bats’ signature radar-like hunting technique called echolocation. A co-author told ScienceRecorder.com that the hawkmoth “confuses” the bats by emitting sonic pulses from its genitals. [Science Recorder, 7-5-2013]
New Meaning to “Hon. John Hurley”: Immediately following Judge John Hurley’s having reduced her bond from $76,000 to $10,000 on drug trafficking charges in a Fort Lauderdale, Fla., courtroom in August, Felicia Underwood, 38, asked, “You can’t make it a little lower, hon?” According to a South Florida Sun-Sentinel report, Hurley was momentarily taken aback, asking: “Did she just refer to the court as ‘honey’?” “Oh, well . . ..” (He kept the bond at $10,000.) [South Florida Sun-Sentinel, 8-5-2013]
PREVIOUSLY: Adult “swinger” clubs occasionally rent commercial facilities like restaurants for an evening in which randy couples can mingle, but a club in Melbourne, Australia, struck a deal with the Casey Kids Play House Cranbourne, where frolickers could enjoy the playtime equipment--until parents of the kids found out in June. The parents were especially concerned about the partiers cavorting among the plastic balls in the giant ball pit. One parent told the Herald Sun, “My son is one [who] puts balls in his mouth . . ..” [Herald Sun, 6-24-2013]
PREVIOUSLY: British birdwatchers were especially excited by news earlier this year that a rare White-throated Needletail (the world’s fastest flying bird) had been spotted on the UK’s Isles of Harris--only the eighth such sighting in Britain in 170 years--and ornithologists arranged for an expedition that attracted birdwatchers from around the world. A June report in the Daily Telegraph noted that about 80 people were on the scene when the bird appeared again but then had to watch it fly straight toward the blades of a wind turbine. (As the event might be described by Monty Python, the bird thus joined the choir invisible, left this mortal coil, became an ex-White-throated Needletail.) [Daily Telegraph, 6-27-2013]
Bright Ideas
Helpful Derivative Military Technology: Manayunk Cleaners in Philadelphia has been testing delivery of customers’ clothing via its own drone (a converted four-blade DJI Phantom quadricopter originally used for aerial photography), guided by GPS. Said one bemused customer, “I was wondering what the hell that was, to be honest.” So far, the payload is limited to a shirt or towel, to be picked off the hovering aircraft by the customer, but owner Harout Vartanian hopes to buy a bigger drone soon. (PREVIOUSLY) Agence France-Presse news service reported an even bolder drone program in August--delivering beer to music festival-goers in South Africa. The director of the Oppikoppi festival in Limpopo province attested to the drone’s success. A reveler places an order by cell phone, which marks the location, and the drone is dispatched to lower the beer by parachute--usually in the midst of a cheering crowd. [NBC10 (Philadelphia), 7-9-2013] [Agence France-Presse via Breitbart.com, 8-8-2013]
Contrary to popular wisdom, cows do not sleep standing up, but actually spend 12-14 hours a day lying down, even though their shape makes the position uncomfortable. Conscientious dairy farmers use beds of sand to adapt to the cow’s contour, and since the late 1990s, a Wisconsin firm (Advanced Comfort Technology) has marketed $200 cow waterbeds, which are even more flexible. Waterbeds may be superior, also, because they are built with an extra chamber that makes it easier for the cow to lower herself safely. The founders’ daughter, Amy Throndsen, told Huffington Post in June that her parents endured awkward moments starting the company: “Everyone . . . is telling them, ‘Don’t do it. Don’t do it. Are you kidding me? Waterbeds?” [Huffington Post, 6-23-2013]
Perspective
“High School in the Community” (HSC), the teachers’ union-managed school in New Haven, Conn., recently completed the first year of its program aimed in part at ending “social promotion”--the automatic passing of students to the next grade even if they lack the skills and knowledge necessary for that grade. However, the officials were shocked to learn that not a single one of the school’s 44 first-time 9th-graders passed the promotion tests (and will have lengthy 9th-grade make-up sessions over the summer or beginning again in September). (Several other 9th-graders, who were already repeating 9th grade, were promoted.) [New Haven Independent, 6-28-2013]
Oops!
PREVIOUSLY: Look! Up in the Sky!: (1) Andy Hill was enjoying a leisurely inner-tube ride on the Clark Fork River near Missoula, Mont., on Sunday, July 21st--when a man landed on top of him, sending Hill to the hospital with broken bones and torn ligaments. The man, who was not seriously hurt, had playfully jumped from a bridge without looking. (2) College baseball shortstop Mattingly Romanin, 20, suffered a concussion in July, while on the field before a summer league game, when a skydiver knocked him to the ground. The skydiver was part of a pre-game flyover at the Hannibal (Mo.) Cavemen’s game but was wind-blown slightly off-course. [Associated Press via Great Falls Tribune, 7-25-2013] [Fox Sports, 7-21-2013]
Least Competent Criminals
Recurring Themes: (1) PREVIOUSLY: A 28-year-old man ordered to submit to fingerprinting in Mason, Mich., in July in connection with a fraud investigation, had another charge added when he decided to pay the $16 fingerprinting fee with a stolen credit card. (2) Sheriff’s deputies in Apopka, Fla., charged Chad Winslow with burglary after finding him stuck in a grease vent (facing outward) on the roof of Sam’s Discount Food Store in June. According to a deputy, Winslow’s first words were, “I’m stuck, and I have to take a poop.” [MLive.com (Grand Rapids), 7-11-2013] [Bright House Cable News (Orlando), 6-23-2013]
A News of the Weird Classic (November 2010)
Librarian Graham Barker, 45, of Perth, Australia, casually revealed to a reporter in October [2010] that his hobby of 26 years--harvesting his own navel lint daily, just before he showers--has now won acclaim in the Guinness Book of World Records. His three-jar collection (a fourth is in progress) has been sold to a local museum. His pastime, he told London's Daily Mail in October, "costs nothing and takes almost no time or effort so there is no compelling reason to stop." Barker, who also collects McDonald's tray liners, said he once did a "navel lint survey,"and "a handful of respondents" "confessed" to having the hobby. "One guy [said he] might have persisted, but he got married, and his wife ordered him to stop." [Daily Mail, 10-25-2010]
Thanks This Week to Bruce Siegel, Roy Henock, Russell Bell, and J.T. Sterr, and to the News of the Weird Board of Editorial Advisors.
Comments
Hawkmoth So, one could say, they dick-up the bat's signals.
Hon. John Hurley I had a coffee cup with Shylock written on it. You know the rest of the story.
White-throated Needletail The 1st time Chuck posted this story I used the word 'ornithopter' in place of 'ornithologist' 3 three times and no one even noticed. So, who gives a sh1t about some stupid bird?
Standing Cows I've seen cows lying down ruminating but I've always seen them standing up with their knees locked for sleeping. And 12-14hrs is a !LOT!. And if they didn't sleep standing up you wouldn't have 'cow tipping' as a favored Wisconsin pass time. So, I'm calling BullShit on this story. Can I get an 'AMEN'?
Hon. John Hurley I had a coffee cup with Shylock written on it. You know the rest of the story.
White-throated Needletail The 1st time Chuck posted this story I used the word 'ornithopter' in place of 'ornithologist' 3 three times and no one even noticed. So, who gives a sh1t about some stupid bird?
Standing Cows I've seen cows lying down ruminating but I've always seen them standing up with their knees locked for sleeping. And 12-14hrs is a !LOT!. And if they didn't sleep standing up you wouldn't have 'cow tipping' as a favored Wisconsin pass time. So, I'm calling BullShit on this story. Can I get an 'AMEN'?
Posted by Expat47 in Athens, Greece on 08/25/13 at 10:40 AM
RE: Pythonesque, "The Isles of Harris, Where today's fastest bird in the world is tomorrows windmill shit!" :coolsmile: :lol:
Posted by Tyrusguy on 08/25/13 at 12:12 PM
hackable toilet- A toilet should not be that complex people.
Austrailian abstinence alternatives- Um...yeah, and they lambasted Nancy Reagan for 'just say no'. Burping contest, geesh.
sonic mothballs- Or sonic cock blocking. :lol: :lol: (just wanted to say that)
Play area- I agree with the parents, that is just gross! Unless, of course the area is sterilized both before and after the adult play. (before-think dirty leaky diapers)
bye bye birdie- Here we have a bird that was thought extinct, the last livinSPLAT... Oh nevermind. :down:
drones- Next the drones will collect info on what we buy and drop coupons in our yards on fly bys.
cows on waterbeds- What if they get moootion sickness?
jumped on x2- What, now we gotta look up every 10 seconds for falling assholes??
stolen cc & fingerprints- Repeat after me, ONE CRIME AT A TIME.
grease is the word- You'd think the grease would have made him squirt right out.
belly button lint- Maybe he should start collecting dingleberries too.
See ya next week Chuck, sweetie! 💋
Austrailian abstinence alternatives- Um...yeah, and they lambasted Nancy Reagan for 'just say no'. Burping contest, geesh.
sonic mothballs- Or sonic cock blocking. :lol: :lol: (just wanted to say that)
Play area- I agree with the parents, that is just gross! Unless, of course the area is sterilized both before and after the adult play. (before-think dirty leaky diapers)
bye bye birdie- Here we have a bird that was thought extinct, the last livinSPLAT... Oh nevermind. :down:
drones- Next the drones will collect info on what we buy and drop coupons in our yards on fly bys.
cows on waterbeds- What if they get moootion sickness?
jumped on x2- What, now we gotta look up every 10 seconds for falling assholes??
stolen cc & fingerprints- Repeat after me, ONE CRIME AT A TIME.
grease is the word- You'd think the grease would have made him squirt right out.
belly button lint- Maybe he should start collecting dingleberries too.
See ya next week Chuck, sweetie! 💋
Posted by Patty in Ohio, USA on 08/25/13 at 08:10 PM
" grease is the word- You'd think the grease would have made him squirt right out "
I take it you've been lucky and never had to clean one of those vents out.
The gunk caked on the sides is more like sticky tar than slick lube!
I take it you've been lucky and never had to clean one of those vents out.
The gunk caked on the sides is more like sticky tar than slick lube!
Posted by Captain DaFt on 08/25/13 at 09:24 PM
T was being funny. I have seen an overdue to be cleaned out grease trap get emptied and it was gross beyond belief!
Posted by Patty in Ohio, USA on 08/25/13 at 11:12 PM
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