News of the Weird Daily Weekly
Bi-Daily Bi-Weekly . . .Who Knows?
December 2, 2012
Holiday, Fla.: Abraham Luna, answering for his naked crime spree last week, justified his nudity with The Rule: “When two men are going to fight, the one that’s naked usually wins.” Good to know.
Tampa Bay Times
Spokane, Wash.: Playful mental patient Amber Roberts, 30, admitted she had just murdered a fellow patient, “but you’re [the authorities] going to have to find him,” by which she meant, start looking, and I’ll go “Hot,” “Cold,” “Warmer,” etc. AP via
KATU-TV (Portland, Ore.)
Havana: Updating
[from NOTW M020, 8-26-2007] Cuba’s Danza Voluminosa, composed of the island’s lithest human-whale ballerinas in tutus, in this delightful photo spread
World’s Greatest Newspaper
Charlottesville, Va.: Mall cops on the job, grabbing that child abductor and . . . and . . . escorting him off the property (“catch-and-release”?)
WVIR-TV
Hamburg, Germany: They’re “99.999 percent certain” it was a suicide, the cops said, of the man found shot in the head, inside a rucksack full of rocks and fastened with cable ties. (Lieu said he was probably perched on a bridge, inside the sack, just open enough at the top between the ties to stick his arm out and shoot himself, then drop the gun so it wouldn’t be found after he and it fell into the Elbe River.)
TheLocal.de (Berlin)
Philadelphia: A state Supreme Court investigation acknowledged that Philly traffic court judges routinely and promiscuously fix tickets and seemed to suggest, according to the Philadelphia Inquirer, that anyone who paid a full-price ticket was just being lazy.
Philadelphia Inquirer
Lakeland, Fla.: “Tighten up on your job, homie.” That was thief Patrick Townsend smart-assin’ Detective Justin Starr after Townsend had just flushed Starr’s digital recorder (the one with Townsend’s confession) down a toilet without Starr realizing it.
The Ledger
Department of Homeland Security: The inspector general says DHS has spent $430m since 9-11 to provide radios with a common, secure channel to make emeregency communications easy for its 123,000 employees (i.e., sounds kinda important!). The IG asked 479 employees at random to find the channel, and only one could.
ProPublica.org
Jury Duty: If you’re a defense lawyer, how do you make Hank Williams, 46, look innocent in court (of “aggravated stalking” by making “vulgar tongue gestures” toward a woman)?
Johnson City Press (Johnson City, Tenn.)
Editor’s Note: I’m not necessarily “back,” but let’s try this. Personally, I’m older, sicker, slower, uglier, and stupider than I used to be, but maybe the theory is that makes me more interesting. (Just a theory.)
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