News of the Weird (April 13, 2014)
News of the Weird
Weirdnuz.M366, April 13, 2014
Copyright 2014 by Chuck Shepherd
Lead Story
Noise Is Golden: The Formula One circuit is generally thought to attract fans as a showcase of motorcar technology and racing skill, but organizers of the Australian Grand Prix (the first of the 19 races on the annual circuit) threatened a lawsuit in March against Formula One management because the races should also be showcases of noise. Formula One has softened cars’ power this year in order to make breakthrough achievements in fuel efficiency, but that also tamped down Formula One’s “trademark ear-splitting roar,” according to a Business Insider report. Fans are less likely to buy tickets, the organizers fear, if they lose the deafening, 100-decibel vroom that is a “visceral element of the fan experience.” [BusinessInsider.com, 3-20-2014]
The Championship Brackets
Amelia Boomker, 36, of Bolingbrook, Ill., celebrated her acceptance into the Guinness Book of World Records in March, recognized for donating more than 127 gallons of her own breast milk to critically-needy babies in the Midwest. The donations came on top of supplying breast milk for her own four sons, three of whom were born during the 2008-2013 period in which she pumped out her excess for the Indiana Mothers’ Milk Bank. [Chicago Tribune, 3-20-2014]
Most Commandments Violated: James Chatten, 46, pleaded guilty in January to a several Commandment violations stemming from a July incident at the Christian Horizons Church in Peterborough, Ontario. Chatten brought his prostitute inside the church, for sex, after hours, and stole money to pay her from a church drawer, then lied to police about being forced to raid the drawer. [Toronto Sun, 1-24-2014]
Prodigious Criminality: (1) John Bidmead, 65, was convicted in November at Britain’s Exeter Crown Court of possession of child pornography images that totaled, according to police count, 600,000 files--a low number because detectives said they got tired of counting and that the final number was easily over a million. The prosecutor called it “certainly the largest find in this part of the world.” (2) Jason Bourcier, 33, reached a deal with the Virginia Department of Transportation in November to eventually pay down the $200,000 in highway tolls he had ignored for more than three years. He told a judge that, originally, a friend had told him that traveling the Dulles Airport Toll Road to Washington, D.C., was free if the toll collectors had gone home for the evening (not true). (Bourcier told the judge he is now working as a “financial consultant”--surely after rehabilitating his attention to detail.) [BBC News, 11-25-2013] [WRC-TV (Washington, D.C.), 11-24-2013]
Fine Points of the Law
In some cultures, and now in Florida, apparently, the act of urination carries no special modesty protection. A judge ruled in March that video of Justin Bieber expelling for a urine test following his January drag-racing arrest in Miami Beach was a “public record” and had to be released to the press under Florida law. (A perhaps-overly-generous black box was edited into the video to make it somewhat less explicit.) In the video, only one officer is present, observing, based on protocol that respects the suspect’s “privacy”--though the Florida judge in essence invited the entire world to watch Bieber urinate, as the video quickly made the Internet. [WFOR-TV (Miami), 3-6-2014; WTVJ (Miami), 1-24-2014]
Oops!
(1) Kentucky state Rep. Leslie Combs, unloading her .380 semi-automatic handgun in her Capitol office in Frankfort in January, accidentally fired a shot into her furniture. Said Combs, “I’m a gun owner. It happens.” In fact, she praised herself for being “particularly careful” to point the gun away from people while “unloading” it. (2) In March, an unnamed man was rescued by bystanders who heard screaming from a maze-like storm drain, which runs 12 feet below the street in Lawton, Okla. The man had accidentally dropped a $20 bill through a grate and climbed in after it, wandering underground for two days searching for his way out. (He never found the $20.) [Courier-Journal (Louisville), 1-8-2014] [KSWO-TV (Lawton), 3-6-2014]
Bright Ideas
The Lakemaid brewery in Stevens Point, Wis., acknowledged in January that it has been testing drone technology, with an eye to eventually delivering beer to isolated ice fishermen on Lake Wacona. The brewery reportedly found that a six-bladed drone would be necessary to carry a 12-pack for up to a half-mile. (The Federal Aviation Administration bans commercial drones but is thought to be reconsidering the rule--though not just yet, as it quickly ordered Lakemaid to cease the flights.) [WCCO-TV (Minneapolis), 1-31-2014]
Perspective
As Microsoft founder and current world-class philanthropist Bill Gates prepared for a speech in Vancouver, British Columbia, in March, a circumcision dissident prepared to protest. The Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation has invested more than $160 million on circumcision programs in developing countries based on overwhelming medical evidence (“as clear as you really can get in medical research,” said a University of British Columbia professor) that the procedure makes transmission of HIV much more difficult. Dedicated, intense-pleasure-seeking men (in this case, the Canadian Foreskin Awareness Project) insist that the surgical snipping, especially of babies, denies males the benefit of heightened penile sensitivity. [QMI Agency via CNews, 3-17-2014]
Suspicions Confirmed
Richard Wright of Canada’s Prince Edward Island was busy in March handing out $50 and $100 bills to strangers during a visit to Halifax, Nova Scotia, urging the recipients to “thank God” for the gift and to pass it along to others if they could not use it, themselves. Wright’s spree was soon broken up as Mounted Police detained him for a “wellness check,” which led to his transfer to a mental-health facility. Wright’s daughter Chelsea told reporters that her dad worked hard for his money, had no mental-health issues, and simply wanted to help people, and a friend described him as a “generous individual wrapped up in the acts of kindness.” However, at press time, Wright was still hospitalized. [Yahoo News, 3-24-2014]
Confront Your Fears
Yo No Quiero: The Phoenix, Ariz., suburb of Maryvale was “overrun,” according to February reports, with several “packs” of up to 15 Chihuahuas each, roaming neighborhoods, frightening schoolchildren. Coincidentally, two months earlier, in Hobart, Australia, the local Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals announced that it was overwhelmed by massive recent donations of Chihuahuas, most from one couple. Said a spokesman, “We were up to our knees in little Chihuahuas.” [KSAZ-TV (Phoenix), 2-13-2014] [Australian Broadcasting Corp. News, 12-19-2014]
Pennywise: England’s Manchester Evening News reported in March that local police had handled 19 cases of “clown-related” crimes in the area in 2013, ranging from a clown in the town of Bury peering into the windows of at least two homes, to a boy’s report in Rochdale that a clown holding balloons had tried to grab him on the street. The European director of the World Clown Association lamented the “stupid people” who damage the reputation of the clowning “profession.” [Manchester Evening News, 3-9-2014]
Least Competent Criminals
Classic Recurring Themes: (1) Travis Rice, 21, and an accomplice were seen on surveillance video breaking into Arion Motors in Plantation, Fla., in March--video that revealed Rice, at a key moment, yanking something from his pocket and not noticing that a card had fallen to the floor. The card, of course, was his state identification card, and further “investigation” revealed Rice’s Facebook boasts about the break-in and theft of license plates and car keys. (2) Carlos Ruiz, 42, was arrested in Haddon Township, N.J., in February after he violated a cardinal rule by returning to the scene of the crime. He had stolen valuables including a sound system from a home, and gotten away, but was captured a half-hour later when he returned for the sound system’s remote control. [South Florida Sun-Sentinel, 3-18-2014] [NJ.com (Newark), 2-20-2014]
Readers’ Choice
Christopher Miller, 40, was arrested in March a few blocks from a Stride Rite shoe store in Ocean County, N.J., minutes after it had been robbed by a man resembling Miller. Police said Miller had just been released from New Jersey’s South Woods State Prison after serving 15 years for robbing the same Stride Rite store and apparently had taken a bus from the prison directly to the store in order to rob it again. [WBFF-TV (Baltimore) via KBOI-TV (Boise, Id.), 3-25-2014]
Thanks This Week to Perry Levin, Mark D’Amelio, Jan Wolitzky, Kelly Egnitz, Alissa Grosso, and Teri Darcy, and to the News of the Weird Board of Editorial Advisors.
Weirdnuz.M366, April 13, 2014
Copyright 2014 by Chuck Shepherd
Lead Story
Noise Is Golden: The Formula One circuit is generally thought to attract fans as a showcase of motorcar technology and racing skill, but organizers of the Australian Grand Prix (the first of the 19 races on the annual circuit) threatened a lawsuit in March against Formula One management because the races should also be showcases of noise. Formula One has softened cars’ power this year in order to make breakthrough achievements in fuel efficiency, but that also tamped down Formula One’s “trademark ear-splitting roar,” according to a Business Insider report. Fans are less likely to buy tickets, the organizers fear, if they lose the deafening, 100-decibel vroom that is a “visceral element of the fan experience.” [BusinessInsider.com, 3-20-2014]
The Championship Brackets
Amelia Boomker, 36, of Bolingbrook, Ill., celebrated her acceptance into the Guinness Book of World Records in March, recognized for donating more than 127 gallons of her own breast milk to critically-needy babies in the Midwest. The donations came on top of supplying breast milk for her own four sons, three of whom were born during the 2008-2013 period in which she pumped out her excess for the Indiana Mothers’ Milk Bank. [Chicago Tribune, 3-20-2014]
Most Commandments Violated: James Chatten, 46, pleaded guilty in January to a several Commandment violations stemming from a July incident at the Christian Horizons Church in Peterborough, Ontario. Chatten brought his prostitute inside the church, for sex, after hours, and stole money to pay her from a church drawer, then lied to police about being forced to raid the drawer. [Toronto Sun, 1-24-2014]
Prodigious Criminality: (1) John Bidmead, 65, was convicted in November at Britain’s Exeter Crown Court of possession of child pornography images that totaled, according to police count, 600,000 files--a low number because detectives said they got tired of counting and that the final number was easily over a million. The prosecutor called it “certainly the largest find in this part of the world.” (2) Jason Bourcier, 33, reached a deal with the Virginia Department of Transportation in November to eventually pay down the $200,000 in highway tolls he had ignored for more than three years. He told a judge that, originally, a friend had told him that traveling the Dulles Airport Toll Road to Washington, D.C., was free if the toll collectors had gone home for the evening (not true). (Bourcier told the judge he is now working as a “financial consultant”--surely after rehabilitating his attention to detail.) [BBC News, 11-25-2013] [WRC-TV (Washington, D.C.), 11-24-2013]
Fine Points of the Law
In some cultures, and now in Florida, apparently, the act of urination carries no special modesty protection. A judge ruled in March that video of Justin Bieber expelling for a urine test following his January drag-racing arrest in Miami Beach was a “public record” and had to be released to the press under Florida law. (A perhaps-overly-generous black box was edited into the video to make it somewhat less explicit.) In the video, only one officer is present, observing, based on protocol that respects the suspect’s “privacy”--though the Florida judge in essence invited the entire world to watch Bieber urinate, as the video quickly made the Internet. [WFOR-TV (Miami), 3-6-2014; WTVJ (Miami), 1-24-2014]
Oops!
(1) Kentucky state Rep. Leslie Combs, unloading her .380 semi-automatic handgun in her Capitol office in Frankfort in January, accidentally fired a shot into her furniture. Said Combs, “I’m a gun owner. It happens.” In fact, she praised herself for being “particularly careful” to point the gun away from people while “unloading” it. (2) In March, an unnamed man was rescued by bystanders who heard screaming from a maze-like storm drain, which runs 12 feet below the street in Lawton, Okla. The man had accidentally dropped a $20 bill through a grate and climbed in after it, wandering underground for two days searching for his way out. (He never found the $20.) [Courier-Journal (Louisville), 1-8-2014] [KSWO-TV (Lawton), 3-6-2014]
Bright Ideas
The Lakemaid brewery in Stevens Point, Wis., acknowledged in January that it has been testing drone technology, with an eye to eventually delivering beer to isolated ice fishermen on Lake Wacona. The brewery reportedly found that a six-bladed drone would be necessary to carry a 12-pack for up to a half-mile. (The Federal Aviation Administration bans commercial drones but is thought to be reconsidering the rule--though not just yet, as it quickly ordered Lakemaid to cease the flights.) [WCCO-TV (Minneapolis), 1-31-2014]
Perspective
As Microsoft founder and current world-class philanthropist Bill Gates prepared for a speech in Vancouver, British Columbia, in March, a circumcision dissident prepared to protest. The Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation has invested more than $160 million on circumcision programs in developing countries based on overwhelming medical evidence (“as clear as you really can get in medical research,” said a University of British Columbia professor) that the procedure makes transmission of HIV much more difficult. Dedicated, intense-pleasure-seeking men (in this case, the Canadian Foreskin Awareness Project) insist that the surgical snipping, especially of babies, denies males the benefit of heightened penile sensitivity. [QMI Agency via CNews, 3-17-2014]
Suspicions Confirmed
Richard Wright of Canada’s Prince Edward Island was busy in March handing out $50 and $100 bills to strangers during a visit to Halifax, Nova Scotia, urging the recipients to “thank God” for the gift and to pass it along to others if they could not use it, themselves. Wright’s spree was soon broken up as Mounted Police detained him for a “wellness check,” which led to his transfer to a mental-health facility. Wright’s daughter Chelsea told reporters that her dad worked hard for his money, had no mental-health issues, and simply wanted to help people, and a friend described him as a “generous individual wrapped up in the acts of kindness.” However, at press time, Wright was still hospitalized. [Yahoo News, 3-24-2014]
Confront Your Fears
Yo No Quiero: The Phoenix, Ariz., suburb of Maryvale was “overrun,” according to February reports, with several “packs” of up to 15 Chihuahuas each, roaming neighborhoods, frightening schoolchildren. Coincidentally, two months earlier, in Hobart, Australia, the local Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals announced that it was overwhelmed by massive recent donations of Chihuahuas, most from one couple. Said a spokesman, “We were up to our knees in little Chihuahuas.” [KSAZ-TV (Phoenix), 2-13-2014] [Australian Broadcasting Corp. News, 12-19-2014]
Pennywise: England’s Manchester Evening News reported in March that local police had handled 19 cases of “clown-related” crimes in the area in 2013, ranging from a clown in the town of Bury peering into the windows of at least two homes, to a boy’s report in Rochdale that a clown holding balloons had tried to grab him on the street. The European director of the World Clown Association lamented the “stupid people” who damage the reputation of the clowning “profession.” [Manchester Evening News, 3-9-2014]
Least Competent Criminals
Classic Recurring Themes: (1) Travis Rice, 21, and an accomplice were seen on surveillance video breaking into Arion Motors in Plantation, Fla., in March--video that revealed Rice, at a key moment, yanking something from his pocket and not noticing that a card had fallen to the floor. The card, of course, was his state identification card, and further “investigation” revealed Rice’s Facebook boasts about the break-in and theft of license plates and car keys. (2) Carlos Ruiz, 42, was arrested in Haddon Township, N.J., in February after he violated a cardinal rule by returning to the scene of the crime. He had stolen valuables including a sound system from a home, and gotten away, but was captured a half-hour later when he returned for the sound system’s remote control. [South Florida Sun-Sentinel, 3-18-2014] [NJ.com (Newark), 2-20-2014]
Readers’ Choice
Christopher Miller, 40, was arrested in March a few blocks from a Stride Rite shoe store in Ocean County, N.J., minutes after it had been robbed by a man resembling Miller. Police said Miller had just been released from New Jersey’s South Woods State Prison after serving 15 years for robbing the same Stride Rite store and apparently had taken a bus from the prison directly to the store in order to rob it again. [WBFF-TV (Baltimore) via KBOI-TV (Boise, Id.), 3-25-2014]
Thanks This Week to Perry Levin, Mark D’Amelio, Jan Wolitzky, Kelly Egnitz, Alissa Grosso, and Teri Darcy, and to the News of the Weird Board of Editorial Advisors.
Comments
Formula One- Isn't that loud of noise damaging even in an outdoor venue?
milk- Wonder what her breasts will look like when she gets old.
commandments- How did that guy not get struck by lightning???
Peeber- He is such a ridiculous ass that he deserves what he gets.
$20- That's $10 a day *if* he found the money.
beer delivery- They would be better off to offer delivery by snowmobile and also snowmobile taxi service for the drunk fishermen.
aids/sensitivity- I'd call that a resonable trade, but then again I do not have a penis.
crazy?- If giving money away automatically proves mental illness then they better lock up Bill and Melinda Gates posthaste.
little doggies- "The Birds" was scary so imagine a movie called- "The Chihuahuas"
Clowns- I think the movie 'IT' and John Wayne Gacy already did irreparable damage there.
not ready for the big time- Thieves, leave your wallet at home. Ever heard of a universal remote dude?
Stride Rite back to prison, do not pass go, do not collect $200.
Great week Chuck!
milk- Wonder what her breasts will look like when she gets old.
commandments- How did that guy not get struck by lightning???
Peeber- He is such a ridiculous ass that he deserves what he gets.
$20- That's $10 a day *if* he found the money.
beer delivery- They would be better off to offer delivery by snowmobile and also snowmobile taxi service for the drunk fishermen.
aids/sensitivity- I'd call that a resonable trade, but then again I do not have a penis.
crazy?- If giving money away automatically proves mental illness then they better lock up Bill and Melinda Gates posthaste.
little doggies- "The Birds" was scary so imagine a movie called- "The Chihuahuas"
Clowns- I think the movie 'IT' and John Wayne Gacy already did irreparable damage there.
not ready for the big time- Thieves, leave your wallet at home. Ever heard of a universal remote dude?
Stride Rite back to prison, do not pass go, do not collect $200.
Great week Chuck!
Posted by Patty in Ohio, USA on 04/13/14 at 06:47 PM
Formula One I agree, would Dolly Parton be as popular if she didn't have a golden voice?
Amelia Boomker There's a photo of her (a ginger?) standing upright without any visible means of support??? Weird!
10 Commandments If only he'd've gone on to kill his wife afterwords he could have been a star.
OK Sewers Couldn't've been any worse than Miller's Cave.
Beer Drones The FAA has passed 'regulations' (not laws) against radio controlled aircraft! I told y'all that it was coming!
Bill Gates He just can't stop dickin' around in people's lives.
Richard Wright Remember, when you want to do something like this, start with the cops and work your way down the food chain.
Chihuahuas What's weird about this? We all know that Mexicans are fast breeders. :red: oops! too much?
Christopher Miller Home again!
Patty You've been busy, young lady. Glad to have you back.
Thanks, Chuck!
Amelia Boomker There's a photo of her (a ginger?) standing upright without any visible means of support??? Weird!
10 Commandments If only he'd've gone on to kill his wife afterwords he could have been a star.
OK Sewers Couldn't've been any worse than Miller's Cave.
Beer Drones The FAA has passed 'regulations' (not laws) against radio controlled aircraft! I told y'all that it was coming!
Bill Gates He just can't stop dickin' around in people's lives.
Richard Wright Remember, when you want to do something like this, start with the cops and work your way down the food chain.
Chihuahuas What's weird about this? We all know that Mexicans are fast breeders. :red: oops! too much?
Christopher Miller Home again!
Patty You've been busy, young lady. Glad to have you back.
Thanks, Chuck!
Posted by Expat47 in Athens, Greece on 04/14/14 at 01:04 AM
10 commandments. Steal Yes. Lie Yes.
I infer he was possibly the janitor (taking out the garbage) so he would work after hours = no break and enter. The Bible does say that it is better to have sex with a whore than to masturbate. So, it's only Two Sins.
A formula car race using the mostly silent electric cars would be less exciting, even boring.
Beer drones- A true ice fisher is well stocked with whiskey. It does not freeze
I infer he was possibly the janitor (taking out the garbage) so he would work after hours = no break and enter. The Bible does say that it is better to have sex with a whore than to masturbate. So, it's only Two Sins.
A formula car race using the mostly silent electric cars would be less exciting, even boring.
Beer drones- A true ice fisher is well stocked with whiskey. It does not freeze
Posted by BMN on 04/14/14 at 10:08 AM
I should say that I have had a bottle of whiskey freeze. It was damn hard to start the truck.
Posted by BMN on 04/14/14 at 11:16 AM
Frankly, I think the world would be better off if men had a lot less penile sensitivity.
Posted by RobK on 04/14/14 at 11:25 AM
Financial consultant: with a track record like that, he's bound to have been snapped up by the Gubmint or Wall Street. BTW, Truth in Advertising: Boursier (with an s, instead of the c) is French for a stock market trader or a the recipient of a scholarly grant.
Circumcision: OK, if the alternative to circumcision is AIDS, it's a good trade. Otherwise, as a man who's been on both sides of the equation, circumcision is enormously overrated. Everything sexual (that I've tried, at least) is better with a foreskin. Why not just pay for soap, water and condoms? Yes, sex with a foreskin and a rubber is still better than sex without either one. @RobK: less sensitivity of the male ego would be a much better thing, although much more difficult to achieve.
Chihuahuas: never mind children; I'd be scared of a pack of chihuahuas, too. They have a Napoleon complex.
Circumcision: OK, if the alternative to circumcision is AIDS, it's a good trade. Otherwise, as a man who's been on both sides of the equation, circumcision is enormously overrated. Everything sexual (that I've tried, at least) is better with a foreskin. Why not just pay for soap, water and condoms? Yes, sex with a foreskin and a rubber is still better than sex without either one. @RobK: less sensitivity of the male ego would be a much better thing, although much more difficult to achieve.
Chihuahuas: never mind children; I'd be scared of a pack of chihuahuas, too. They have a Napoleon complex.
Posted by TheCannyScot in Atlanta, GA on 04/14/14 at 07:42 PM
Thanks sweetie! Love ya!!
Posted by Patty in Ohio, USA on 04/14/14 at 08:20 PM
@ The Canny Scot, I would worry, if you have to. about being slobbered to death by a pack of St. Bernanards just trying to feed you brandy?
Posted by BMN on 04/14/14 at 09:26 PM
I predict a day when breast milk is sold as a health food, and the ensuing counterfeit scandals.
Posted by BHicks on 04/15/14 at 08:26 AM
Formula One/patty: no, they keep the audience well away. There have been too many accidents over the years to keep them close - say what you will about those guys, but unlike most motorists, they do learn from their mistakes. (What it does to the drivers' and pit crews' hearing I don't know, but one presumes they have protection. They have protection from everything else, these days. Except from skiing accidents.)
Bieber: he keeps pissing all over the world of music, so why stop now?
Bill Gates: Don't trust anything this man says. He's been lying to us for decades, he's not suddenly a paragon of honesty and science.
Miller: perhaps he actually wanted to get back inside?
Bieber: he keeps pissing all over the world of music, so why stop now?
Bill Gates: Don't trust anything this man says. He's been lying to us for decades, he's not suddenly a paragon of honesty and science.
Miller: perhaps he actually wanted to get back inside?
Posted by Richard Bos on 04/15/14 at 10:55 AM
re:Justine Beiber: Why that coverup box? After all, it's just not a big thing 😉
Posted by IA Boy on 04/15/14 at 12:27 PM
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