News of the Weird (May 18, 2014)
News of the Weird
Weirdnuz.M371, May18, 2014
Copyright 2014 by Chuck Shepherd
Lead Story
Too Much Money: Larry Ellison, the CEO of Oracle Corp. (and the world’s fifth-richest person according to Forbes magazine) is a big basketball fan and was reported in April to have an interest in purchasing the Los Angeles Clippers NBA team. An Ellison associate told the Wall Street Journal, for example, that Ellison has basketball courts on at least two of his yachts and shoots hoops for relaxation on the open water. To retrieve his errant shots that go overboard, Ellison hires a ballboy in a powerboat to trail the yachts. [Wall Street Journal, 4-30-2014]
Latest Religious Messages
Speaking on a popular Christian Internet podcast in March (reported by Houston’s KHOU-TV), Pastor John Benefiel of Oklahoma City’s Church on the Rock described how, in a 2007 blessing, he might have prayed “too hard.” He was attempting to help drought-stricken Texas and Oklahoma by using a specific prayer message (the “Baal divorce decree”), but that inadvertently resulted, he said, in “every lake” in Texas, Oklahoma, Kansas, and Missouri rising above flood stage, causing thousands of people to lose their homes and 22 their lives. [KHOU-TV, 3-26-2014]
In his March 23rd sermon (according to Huffington Post), Phoenix, Ariz., pastor Steven Anderson of the Faithful World Baptist Church explained in detail why women in the congregation must refrain from speaking during services. Citing 1 Timothy 2:11 and 1 Corinthians 14, Anderson said the woman should learn only “in silence.” “Now obviously, before the service begins,” he conceded, “there’s chatting and talking going on that’s perfectly legitimate. [And when] we all sing praises to God, of course the ladies should also lift up their voices. But when it’s learning time, it’s silence time [for females].” (Also, he said, since the comment “Amen” means “That’s true,” it would be inappropriate for females to utter it.) [Huffington Post, 3-26-2014]
At one Hindu temple in India’s Kerala state, the religious gift of choice--both for offerings to the deity Lord Muruga and for distribution from the deity to devotees--is the chocolate candy bar, which visitors bring in cartons, according to a March report by the Press Trust of India. (Muruga is the son of the lord Shiva and was originally worshiped as a child, leading to speculation that he would respond to chocolates.) [Press Trust of India via NDTV, 3-11-2014]
Details! After convicted murderer Loren Larson, Jr., filed a federal lawsuit in Anchorage, Alaska, claiming that his prison wristband ID “defil[ed]” him religiously because it was a “mark of the devil,” a Goose Creek Correctional Center official lectured him on the Book of Revelation. Actually, wrote the official, we would be commanding the “mark of the beast” only if we ordered the ID either “in the right hand” or “in the forehead,” and neither is required by current wristband policy. (Hence, the double-murderer, serving 198 years, still qualifies to avoid hell.) [Anchorage Press, 3-20-2014]
An unnamed British inmate published a letter in a prison newspaper in April alleging continuous religious discrimination against him by guards and officials. The man claims he is a practicing Jedi (and of course cannot reveal his name because he fears retaliation “from the dark side”) and complains that Jedi-ism, though officially recognized as a religion in the UK (the 7th-most popular, according to the census, with more than 175,000 adherents) is nonetheless unacknowledged by the National Offender Management Service. [The Guardian (London), 4-17-2014]
Cultural Diversity
Denmark’s Copenhagen Zoo aroused worldwide ire in February when it slaughtered and publicly dismembered a healthy young giraffe (“Marius”) in order to feed a hungry lion. Then, in March, the Zoo killed four healthy lions to make room for a new male. Also, reported Vice.com in April, Denmark has no law against humans having sex with animals (unless it amounts to torture). Animal rights campaigners have recently expressed alarm that Denmark will become a destination for “animal sex tourism” attracting horny “zoophiles” from around the world. [Agence France-Presse via The Guardian (London), 3-25-2014] [Vice.com, 4-2-2014]
Questionable Judgments
Manhattan’s New York Sushi Ko is only the most recent sophisticated restaurant to feature creative dishes made with Hormel Spam, and gourmets and hipsters in fashionable neighborhoods have flocked to the foods. Spam is a well-known delicacy in Hawaii, and the New York facilities offer the island’s musubi (fried Spam, rice, seaweed) and other Spam fried rice bowls with seared ahi and flourishes of fresh pineapple, according to an April report on Gothamist.com. Sushi Ko’s chef playfully acknowledges that his contents are fresh--”fresh from the can” and sourced locally--”from the nearest bodega.” [Gothamist.com, 4-1-2014]
Oh! Canada! Skylar Murphy, 18, happened to show up at Alberta’s Edmonton International Airport in September 2013 with a black-powder-loaded pipe bomb in his carry-on, ready to board an international flight. Agents confiscated the bomb but allowed Murphy to continue on his trip, and in fact police were not notified, nor were possible “terrorism” ties examined, until four days later. (Canada’s version of the Transportation Security Administration is not allowed to apprehend or detain passengers.) In December, the harsh hammer of justice finally slammed down on Murphy. He was fined $100 and sentenced to a year of probation. [CTV News (Toronto), 1-15-2014]
Unclear on the Concept: Britain’s most-tattooed man (the former Matthew Whelan, 34, now “King of Ink Land Body Art The Extreme Ink-Ite”), whose body is 90-percent ink-covered, finally acknowledged in March that he needed to undergo laser removal to clear up his skin. However, “Body Art,” as he is known, then explained that he was spending the equivalent of about $10,000 on removal just so he could start over with new tattoos. [New York Daily News, 3-29-2014]
Least Competent First-Responders
(1) In February, East Detroit High School swim instructor Johnathan Sails, 24, sitting at poolside, dived in to help a drowning student--but only after first going to the locker room to change from his street clothes. He was charged with involuntary manslaughter when the student died. (2) When a 6-year-old girl had her finger severed by a closing door in school in December, administrators at the Dickinson School District near Houston merely called her parents to come take the girl to the hospital. The principal denied it was an “emergency,” since the girl’s finger, after all, had already been bagged in ice. (3) When a fire alarm sounded in February at Como Park High School in St. Paul, Minn., one girl was in the school swimming pool, and the outside temperature was minus-5(F), but several faculty members insisted (by protocol) that she leave the building dressed as she was (barring her, even, from waiting in a teacher’s car because it is against the rules). [WJBK (Detroit), 2-11-2014] [KRIV-TV (Houston), 12-11-2013] [WCCO-TV, 2-28-2014]
Least Competent Criminals
At a press conference in April, as Houston police officers announced they were after two burglars who had broken into Katz’s lingerie boutique, surveillance video showed two armed men cautiously creeping through the store until one accidentally bumped the other, apparently startling the bumped man, who turned and fired--causing the first man to fire back. Officers counted nearly a dozen bullet holes in the store. Said the Houston press briefer, these are “by far some of the clumsiest crooks that I’ve [ever] seen.” [KHOU-TV, 4-30-2014]
Readers’ Choice
In a popular April “viral” Internet news story, three young men were spotted on late-night surveillance video at a drinking-water reservoir near Portland, Ore., with one of them relieving himself into the 38-million-gallon facility. Utility officials initially decided to flush the entire contents rather than endure complaints by customers (most of whom were likely unaware that the same reservoir routinely tolerates wild-animal urination long ago declared no health risk). Dallas Jeffrey Delynn, 18, was charged with trespassing and unlawful urination and might receive a sentence similar to that of Portland’s last reservoir urinater (merely 24 hours’ community service). By contrast, a week later in San Antonio, Tex., Daniel Athens, 23, was sentenced to 18 months in prison for his own late-night tinkle. Athens had pleaded guilty to urinating against an outside wall of The Alamo (of course a sacred Texas monument). [The Oregonian (Portland), 4-17-2014] [The Smoking Gun, 4-15-2014]
Thanks This Week to Scott Christiansen and Roy Henock, and to the News of the Weird Senior Advisors (Jenny T. Beatty, Paul Di Filippo, Ginger Katz, Joe Littrell, Matt Mirapaul, Paul Music, Karl Olson, and Jim Sweeney) and Board of Editorial Advisors (Tom Barker, Paul Blumstein, Harry Farkas, Sam Gaines, Herb Jue, Emory Kimbrough, Scott Langill, Bob McCabe, Steve Miller, Christopher Nalty, Mark Neunder, Sandy Pearlman, Bob Pert, Larry Ellis Reed, Peter Smagorinsky, Rob Snyder, Stephen Taylor, Bruce Townley, and Jerry Whittle).
Weirdnuz.M371, May18, 2014
Copyright 2014 by Chuck Shepherd
Lead Story
Too Much Money: Larry Ellison, the CEO of Oracle Corp. (and the world’s fifth-richest person according to Forbes magazine) is a big basketball fan and was reported in April to have an interest in purchasing the Los Angeles Clippers NBA team. An Ellison associate told the Wall Street Journal, for example, that Ellison has basketball courts on at least two of his yachts and shoots hoops for relaxation on the open water. To retrieve his errant shots that go overboard, Ellison hires a ballboy in a powerboat to trail the yachts. [Wall Street Journal, 4-30-2014]
Latest Religious Messages
Speaking on a popular Christian Internet podcast in March (reported by Houston’s KHOU-TV), Pastor John Benefiel of Oklahoma City’s Church on the Rock described how, in a 2007 blessing, he might have prayed “too hard.” He was attempting to help drought-stricken Texas and Oklahoma by using a specific prayer message (the “Baal divorce decree”), but that inadvertently resulted, he said, in “every lake” in Texas, Oklahoma, Kansas, and Missouri rising above flood stage, causing thousands of people to lose their homes and 22 their lives. [KHOU-TV, 3-26-2014]
In his March 23rd sermon (according to Huffington Post), Phoenix, Ariz., pastor Steven Anderson of the Faithful World Baptist Church explained in detail why women in the congregation must refrain from speaking during services. Citing 1 Timothy 2:11 and 1 Corinthians 14, Anderson said the woman should learn only “in silence.” “Now obviously, before the service begins,” he conceded, “there’s chatting and talking going on that’s perfectly legitimate. [And when] we all sing praises to God, of course the ladies should also lift up their voices. But when it’s learning time, it’s silence time [for females].” (Also, he said, since the comment “Amen” means “That’s true,” it would be inappropriate for females to utter it.) [Huffington Post, 3-26-2014]
At one Hindu temple in India’s Kerala state, the religious gift of choice--both for offerings to the deity Lord Muruga and for distribution from the deity to devotees--is the chocolate candy bar, which visitors bring in cartons, according to a March report by the Press Trust of India. (Muruga is the son of the lord Shiva and was originally worshiped as a child, leading to speculation that he would respond to chocolates.) [Press Trust of India via NDTV, 3-11-2014]
Details! After convicted murderer Loren Larson, Jr., filed a federal lawsuit in Anchorage, Alaska, claiming that his prison wristband ID “defil[ed]” him religiously because it was a “mark of the devil,” a Goose Creek Correctional Center official lectured him on the Book of Revelation. Actually, wrote the official, we would be commanding the “mark of the beast” only if we ordered the ID either “in the right hand” or “in the forehead,” and neither is required by current wristband policy. (Hence, the double-murderer, serving 198 years, still qualifies to avoid hell.) [Anchorage Press, 3-20-2014]
An unnamed British inmate published a letter in a prison newspaper in April alleging continuous religious discrimination against him by guards and officials. The man claims he is a practicing Jedi (and of course cannot reveal his name because he fears retaliation “from the dark side”) and complains that Jedi-ism, though officially recognized as a religion in the UK (the 7th-most popular, according to the census, with more than 175,000 adherents) is nonetheless unacknowledged by the National Offender Management Service. [The Guardian (London), 4-17-2014]
Cultural Diversity
Denmark’s Copenhagen Zoo aroused worldwide ire in February when it slaughtered and publicly dismembered a healthy young giraffe (“Marius”) in order to feed a hungry lion. Then, in March, the Zoo killed four healthy lions to make room for a new male. Also, reported Vice.com in April, Denmark has no law against humans having sex with animals (unless it amounts to torture). Animal rights campaigners have recently expressed alarm that Denmark will become a destination for “animal sex tourism” attracting horny “zoophiles” from around the world. [Agence France-Presse via The Guardian (London), 3-25-2014] [Vice.com, 4-2-2014]
Questionable Judgments
Manhattan’s New York Sushi Ko is only the most recent sophisticated restaurant to feature creative dishes made with Hormel Spam, and gourmets and hipsters in fashionable neighborhoods have flocked to the foods. Spam is a well-known delicacy in Hawaii, and the New York facilities offer the island’s musubi (fried Spam, rice, seaweed) and other Spam fried rice bowls with seared ahi and flourishes of fresh pineapple, according to an April report on Gothamist.com. Sushi Ko’s chef playfully acknowledges that his contents are fresh--”fresh from the can” and sourced locally--”from the nearest bodega.” [Gothamist.com, 4-1-2014]
Oh! Canada! Skylar Murphy, 18, happened to show up at Alberta’s Edmonton International Airport in September 2013 with a black-powder-loaded pipe bomb in his carry-on, ready to board an international flight. Agents confiscated the bomb but allowed Murphy to continue on his trip, and in fact police were not notified, nor were possible “terrorism” ties examined, until four days later. (Canada’s version of the Transportation Security Administration is not allowed to apprehend or detain passengers.) In December, the harsh hammer of justice finally slammed down on Murphy. He was fined $100 and sentenced to a year of probation. [CTV News (Toronto), 1-15-2014]
Unclear on the Concept: Britain’s most-tattooed man (the former Matthew Whelan, 34, now “King of Ink Land Body Art The Extreme Ink-Ite”), whose body is 90-percent ink-covered, finally acknowledged in March that he needed to undergo laser removal to clear up his skin. However, “Body Art,” as he is known, then explained that he was spending the equivalent of about $10,000 on removal just so he could start over with new tattoos. [New York Daily News, 3-29-2014]
Least Competent First-Responders
(1) In February, East Detroit High School swim instructor Johnathan Sails, 24, sitting at poolside, dived in to help a drowning student--but only after first going to the locker room to change from his street clothes. He was charged with involuntary manslaughter when the student died. (2) When a 6-year-old girl had her finger severed by a closing door in school in December, administrators at the Dickinson School District near Houston merely called her parents to come take the girl to the hospital. The principal denied it was an “emergency,” since the girl’s finger, after all, had already been bagged in ice. (3) When a fire alarm sounded in February at Como Park High School in St. Paul, Minn., one girl was in the school swimming pool, and the outside temperature was minus-5(F), but several faculty members insisted (by protocol) that she leave the building dressed as she was (barring her, even, from waiting in a teacher’s car because it is against the rules). [WJBK (Detroit), 2-11-2014] [KRIV-TV (Houston), 12-11-2013] [WCCO-TV, 2-28-2014]
Least Competent Criminals
At a press conference in April, as Houston police officers announced they were after two burglars who had broken into Katz’s lingerie boutique, surveillance video showed two armed men cautiously creeping through the store until one accidentally bumped the other, apparently startling the bumped man, who turned and fired--causing the first man to fire back. Officers counted nearly a dozen bullet holes in the store. Said the Houston press briefer, these are “by far some of the clumsiest crooks that I’ve [ever] seen.” [KHOU-TV, 4-30-2014]
Readers’ Choice
In a popular April “viral” Internet news story, three young men were spotted on late-night surveillance video at a drinking-water reservoir near Portland, Ore., with one of them relieving himself into the 38-million-gallon facility. Utility officials initially decided to flush the entire contents rather than endure complaints by customers (most of whom were likely unaware that the same reservoir routinely tolerates wild-animal urination long ago declared no health risk). Dallas Jeffrey Delynn, 18, was charged with trespassing and unlawful urination and might receive a sentence similar to that of Portland’s last reservoir urinater (merely 24 hours’ community service). By contrast, a week later in San Antonio, Tex., Daniel Athens, 23, was sentenced to 18 months in prison for his own late-night tinkle. Athens had pleaded guilty to urinating against an outside wall of The Alamo (of course a sacred Texas monument). [The Oregonian (Portland), 4-17-2014] [The Smoking Gun, 4-15-2014]
Thanks This Week to Scott Christiansen and Roy Henock, and to the News of the Weird Senior Advisors (Jenny T. Beatty, Paul Di Filippo, Ginger Katz, Joe Littrell, Matt Mirapaul, Paul Music, Karl Olson, and Jim Sweeney) and Board of Editorial Advisors (Tom Barker, Paul Blumstein, Harry Farkas, Sam Gaines, Herb Jue, Emory Kimbrough, Scott Langill, Bob McCabe, Steve Miller, Christopher Nalty, Mark Neunder, Sandy Pearlman, Bob Pert, Larry Ellis Reed, Peter Smagorinsky, Rob Snyder, Stephen Taylor, Bruce Townley, and Jerry Whittle).
Comments
Too Much Money Sacrilege I say! I want to be a 0.01%er!
Pastor John Benefiel Hallelujah and past the umbrellas! He needs to go to Mexafornia.
Pastor Anderson A man that time has passed by. Can I get an Amen!?
Muruga Finally, a god I can understand.
Denmark Not thinking farther ahead than the moment is bureaucracy in action.
Spam Gourmet spam is the epitome of an oxymoron.
Canadian TSA At least they caught the bomb. Farther south they miss 2/3s of them.
“Body Art” Dho!
First-Responders With these people leading the way in academia one need not look farther into why America is dumbing down. Does the term "LCD" ring any bells to those of us that actually got an education?
Shootout at Katz Coral Nuff Said
Pee on the Alamo He's lucky one of the rangers didn't shoot is sorry ass!
All hail the mighty Chuck!
Pastor John Benefiel Hallelujah and past the umbrellas! He needs to go to Mexafornia.
Pastor Anderson A man that time has passed by. Can I get an Amen!?
Muruga Finally, a god I can understand.
Denmark Not thinking farther ahead than the moment is bureaucracy in action.
Spam Gourmet spam is the epitome of an oxymoron.
Canadian TSA At least they caught the bomb. Farther south they miss 2/3s of them.
“Body Art” Dho!
First-Responders With these people leading the way in academia one need not look farther into why America is dumbing down. Does the term "LCD" ring any bells to those of us that actually got an education?
Shootout at Katz Coral Nuff Said
Pee on the Alamo He's lucky one of the rangers didn't shoot is sorry ass!
All hail the mighty Chuck!
Posted by Expat47 in Athens, Greece on 05/18/14 at 11:05 AM
Hoops: Hmm. Either he has no concept of saving money, or he's really lousy at the game. Wouldn't it be cheaper to order the basketballs by the gross, and just let the floaters go, than to hire a basketball wrangler in a boat?
Canadian security: It only says they stand on guard in the Anthem. Nothing about actually stopping anything from happening.
Teachers: Nice to know the bureaucrats have their priorities straight.
Alamo: Shoot him? Surely you jest, Expat. It's Texas. Surely they have a rope somewhere...
Canadian security: It only says they stand on guard in the Anthem. Nothing about actually stopping anything from happening.
Teachers: Nice to know the bureaucrats have their priorities straight.
Alamo: Shoot him? Surely you jest, Expat. It's Texas. Surely they have a rope somewhere...
Posted by TheCannyScot in Atlanta, GA on 05/18/14 at 11:44 AM
@Scotty: Whatever's handy.
Posted by Expat47 in Athens, Greece on 05/18/14 at 12:07 PM
basketball- What a great job that would be, riding around fishing balls out of the water, wonder how it pays.
prayed too hard- He better pray about his pride issues as well.
women in church- Reverend Moron is the one who should shut the hell up!
Hindu- ALL HAIL THE GOD OF CHOCOLATE!
Jedi- So he wants a light saber not a colander huh?
Denmark- Peta better send somebody, RIGHT NOW!
spam- Quite a mark up there if you can talk people into it.
Canad- Nobody is blowing them and theirs up so why should they care?
-tats/+tats- Obsess much dude??
drowning- Can't imagine how the kid's parents must feel. I'd want the guy dead.
finger- Principal Cheapskate did not want the school to pay for the ambulance, the ass.
-5%- That's what you get with idiots in charge.
gun happy crooks- Maybe the hit each other, crawled off and died. No recidivism there.
peeing- On the other hand, last I heard, they were trying to make the Ore. parents pay millions for the water dump. So just different kinds of over board punishments there.
Love ya Chuck!
prayed too hard- He better pray about his pride issues as well.
women in church- Reverend Moron is the one who should shut the hell up!
Hindu- ALL HAIL THE GOD OF CHOCOLATE!
Jedi- So he wants a light saber not a colander huh?
Denmark- Peta better send somebody, RIGHT NOW!
spam- Quite a mark up there if you can talk people into it.
Canad- Nobody is blowing them and theirs up so why should they care?
-tats/+tats- Obsess much dude??
drowning- Can't imagine how the kid's parents must feel. I'd want the guy dead.
finger- Principal Cheapskate did not want the school to pay for the ambulance, the ass.
-5%- That's what you get with idiots in charge.
gun happy crooks- Maybe the hit each other, crawled off and died. No recidivism there.
peeing- On the other hand, last I heard, they were trying to make the Ore. parents pay millions for the water dump. So just different kinds of over board punishments there.
Love ya Chuck!
Posted by Patty in Ohio, USA on 05/18/14 at 12:54 PM
@Patty:
"Denmark- Peta better send somebody, RIGHT NOW!"
PETA'd just have every animal in the zoo put down for suffering from human involvement. (It's their raison d'être these days)
So I guess that'd be... Problem solved?
"Denmark- Peta better send somebody, RIGHT NOW!"
PETA'd just have every animal in the zoo put down for suffering from human involvement. (It's their raison d'être these days)
So I guess that'd be... Problem solved?
Posted by Captain DaFt on 05/18/14 at 03:02 PM
Regarding "gourmet SPAM," I know of a sushi restaurant on Maui-- "Sansei"-- that offers SPAM sushi... for $500 per serving. According to the chef, they don't use Hormel, but make their own instead and require twenty-four hours advance notice. He even showed me a receipt for someone who had some earlier that day.
Unfortunately, $500 is well in excess of my employer's per diem, so I have not partaken.
Unfortunately, $500 is well in excess of my employer's per diem, so I have not partaken.
Posted by Justin on 05/19/14 at 02:11 AM
By god, I'd sue that employer of yours! How dare they deny you your god given right to eat gourmet Spam?!? I've never heard of such UN-PC crap in my life.
Posted by Expat47 in Athens, Greece on 05/19/14 at 02:35 AM
Ellison: has never been known as the most normal among the world's computer CEOs. Clever, yes. Sane... hardly.
Benefiel: nope.
Jedi: crazy and taking the piss.'
Spam... do I need to say it? I DON'T...
Skylar: what I want to know now is what he thought he'd do with it.
Tattoos: giving a new meaning to the word "palimpsest".
The Alamo: Remember the USA's Ukrainian invasion!
Benefiel: nope.
Jedi: crazy and taking the piss.'
Spam... do I need to say it? I DON'T...
Skylar: what I want to know now is what he thought he'd do with it.
Tattoos: giving a new meaning to the word "palimpsest".
The Alamo: Remember the USA's Ukrainian invasion!
Posted by Richard Bos on 05/20/14 at 08:41 AM
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