News of the Weird (September 6, 2015)
News of the Weird
Weirdnuz.M439, September 6, 2015
Copyright 2015 by Chuck Shepherd. All rights reserved.
Lead Story
Muslim clerics complain of the commercialization of the holy city of Mecca during the annual Hajj pilgrimages, but for Pope Francis’s visits to New York, Washington, D.C., and Philadelphia in mid-September, shameless street vendors and entrepreneurs already appear to be eclipsing Mecca’s experience. Merchants said they’d be selling, among other tacky items, mozzarella cheese statuettes of the Pope ($20), a Pope Toaster to burnish Francis’s image on bread, a Philly-themed bobblehead associating the Pope with the boxer “Rocky,” local beers Papal Pleasure and YOPO (You Only Pope Once), and T-shirts (“Yo Pontiff!” and “The Pope Is My Homeboy”). The Wall Street Journal quoted a Philadelphia archdiocese spokesman admitting that “you kind of have to take it in stride.” [Wall Street Journal, 8-26-2015; Washington Post, 8-24-2015]
Florida’s Best Courtroom
In May, suspect David Riffle, charged with trespassing (after shouting “religious proverbs” at patrons of the Hard Rock Casino in Hollywood, Fla.), greeted Broward County judge John “Jay” Hurley at his bail hearing by inquiring, “How you doin’, asshole?” Unfazed, Hurley responded, “I’m doing fine. How are you sir?” After listening to Riffle on religion a bit longer, Hurley set bond at $100. In August, talking to Judge Hurley from jail via closed circuit TV, arrestee Susan Surrette, 54, “flashed” him as she tried to prove an alleged recent assault. The self-described “escort” and “porn star” (“Kayla Kupcakes”) had lifted her shirt to reveal bruises. (Her bond, also, was $100.) [WPLG-TV (Miami), 5-13-2015] [WPTV (West Palm Beach), 8-21-2015]
Bright Ideas
A Chinese woman identified only as Zeng was detained and stabilized at Beijing Capital International Airport in August after being found dazed on the floor at a boarding gate. She had attempted to fly with a bottle of expensive cognac (Remy Martin XO Excellence) in her carry-on--a violation of Chinese regulations barring liquids over 100 ml (the cognac was 700 ml, selling for about $200 in the U.S.) and was presented with the ultimatum to give up the bottle or miss the flight. She decided to drink the contents on the spot (but was subsequently declared too drunk to board). [South China Morning Post, 8-24-2015]
“And Another Thing, Dad”: Michael May, 44, was arrested in Lincoln County, Ky., in August after the Pilot Baptist Cemetery near Stanford, Ky., reported that he had tried to dig up the grave of his dead father “in order to argue with him,” according to Lexington’s WLEX-TV. May told officers his dad had died about 30 years ago. (Alcohol was involved in the decision to dig.) [WAVE-TV, 8-18-2015]
More Things to Worry About
Under a 1981 treaty, at least 50 countries, including the United States, have banned their militaries from employing flamethrowers (as “inhumane”), but entrepreneurs have begun to market the devices domestically for $900-$1,600 each (based on the distance of the flame, at 25 feet or 50 feet). Federal regulators appear uninterested (as the contraptions are technically neither “firearms” nor “explosives”), and only two states prohibit them outright, though a few jurisdictions believe flamethrowers are illegal under fire codes. The Ohio startup Throwflame has sensed the need for marketing savvy and describes flamethrowers as primarily for “entertainment.” (Recent news reports indicate a slight run on sales under the suspicion that authorities will soon realize the danger and outlaw them.) [ArsTechnica.com, 8-25-2015; CNN via WTKR-TV (Norfolk, Va.), 8-14-2015]
After two women accused Sheffield Village, Ohio, attorney Michael Fine of “hypnotizing” and sex-talking to them during office consultations, police and the county bar association opened an investigation in November 2014. Though Fine was being consulted on a custody matter, he was secretly audio-recorded (according to one woman’s lawsuit) touting “powerful body orgasms” and suggesting that he was “the world’s greatest lover”--among details the client recalls only vaguely if at all. The bar association later said as many as 25 women may have been victimized. Though no criminal charges have been filed, Fine’s lawyer said in August that his client had voluntarily given up his law license and was seeking “medical” help. [Associated Press via Columbus Dispatch, 8-19-2015] [WEWS-TV (Cleveland), 2-3-2015]
Great Art!
Former Massachusetts Institute of Technology lecturer Joseph Gibbons was sentenced in July to a year in prison for robbing a New York City Capital One bank in December (while operating a video camera) in a heist that he had insisted all along was merely “performance art.” (He said he had done a similar robbery in Rhode Island in November.) His biography on the MIT website described him as “blurring the boundaries between fact and fiction, self and persona . . . with a contradictory impulse to confabulate and dissimulate.” The Queens Museum in New York City has offered to screen the footage of the robbery as an art piece. [New York Times, 7-13-2015]
Artist Anish Kapoor initially denied that his 400-500 tons of stones, called “Dirty Corner,” was “problematic,” but later conceded that it might have “multiple interpretive possibilities.” The installation, which ran through the summer at France’s Palace of Versailles with five other large sculptures, was arranged in the form of a huge vulva, and represented, he said, “the vagina of a queen who is taking power.” [Washington Post, 6-8-2015]
New World Order
(1) A Pig Flies: On August 20th, a 250-pound pig was knocked free of a trailer traveling at 65 mph on Interstate 25 near Fort Collins, Colo.--thus briefly at least sailing. It was not badly hurt. (2) In July, Mexican customs officers detained an American and a Mexican on the bridge between El Paso, Tex., and Juarez, with 13 pounds of marijuana the two allegedly were smuggling into Mexico to sell. (The month before, Juarez officials arrested another El Paso woman with a kilo of crystal meth allegedly destined for Mexican sale.) [Coloradoan (Fort Collins), 8-20-2015] [El Paso Times, 7-23-2015]
Recurring Themes
Short-Term Rehab: Heath Franklin, 44, was arrested on August 20th at the Walmart in Dalton, Ga., charged with taking “upskirt” photos of female shoppers. Franklin, a registered sex offender, had been released on August 19th from Central State Prison, where he was serving a term for sexual offenses (including taking unlawful photos). [Atlanta Journal-Constitution, 8-21-2015]
“Excessive” (I): Three weeks ago, News of the Weird mentioned that a federal judge had officially declared 29 years as an excessive amount of time for the Bureau of Land Management to have sat on a natural-gas permit, but 4 years’ waiting is apparently an acceptable period for a judge to sit on a decision whether to fire New York City school teacher. Edward Morrissey, charged with pushing and shoving a student at PS 109 in Brooklyn in 2009, had his administrative hearing in 2011 and since then has been drawing full pay and benefits (including seniority raises) while reporting to a no-duties “job” (termed a “rubber room”) every school day. In May 2015, he was finally found guilty. [New York Post, 8-23-2015]
“Excessive” (II): In August the independent Police Foundation declared it “excessive” that cops in Stockton, Calif., had fired 600 gunshots trying to apprehend robbers of a Bank of the West branch in July 2014. None of the robbers was hit, but one hostage was--fatally, hit by 10 police bullets. According to the report, “a few” of the officers engaged in “sympathetic fire,” shooting merely because their colleagues were shooting (and since the sequence was chaotic, sympathetic fire occurred even though other colleagues were actually positioned in front of shooters). [Los Angeles Times, 8-17-2015]
News of the Weird Classic (November 2009)
In Ogden, Utah, in October, Adam Manning, 30, accompanied his pregnant girlfriend to the McKay-Dee Hospital emergency room as she was going into labor. According to witnesses, as a nurse attended to the woman, Manning began flirting with her, complimenting the nurse's looks and giving her neck rubs. When Manning then allegedly groped the nurse's breast, she called for security, and Manning was eventually arrested and taken to jail, thus missing the birth of his child. [Salt Lake Tribune, 10-10-2009]
Thanks This Week to Rosie Martinez and Paul Peterson, and to the News of the Weird Board of Editorial Advisors.
Weirdnuz.M439, September 6, 2015
Copyright 2015 by Chuck Shepherd. All rights reserved.
Lead Story
Muslim clerics complain of the commercialization of the holy city of Mecca during the annual Hajj pilgrimages, but for Pope Francis’s visits to New York, Washington, D.C., and Philadelphia in mid-September, shameless street vendors and entrepreneurs already appear to be eclipsing Mecca’s experience. Merchants said they’d be selling, among other tacky items, mozzarella cheese statuettes of the Pope ($20), a Pope Toaster to burnish Francis’s image on bread, a Philly-themed bobblehead associating the Pope with the boxer “Rocky,” local beers Papal Pleasure and YOPO (You Only Pope Once), and T-shirts (“Yo Pontiff!” and “The Pope Is My Homeboy”). The Wall Street Journal quoted a Philadelphia archdiocese spokesman admitting that “you kind of have to take it in stride.” [Wall Street Journal, 8-26-2015; Washington Post, 8-24-2015]
Florida’s Best Courtroom
In May, suspect David Riffle, charged with trespassing (after shouting “religious proverbs” at patrons of the Hard Rock Casino in Hollywood, Fla.), greeted Broward County judge John “Jay” Hurley at his bail hearing by inquiring, “How you doin’, asshole?” Unfazed, Hurley responded, “I’m doing fine. How are you sir?” After listening to Riffle on religion a bit longer, Hurley set bond at $100. In August, talking to Judge Hurley from jail via closed circuit TV, arrestee Susan Surrette, 54, “flashed” him as she tried to prove an alleged recent assault. The self-described “escort” and “porn star” (“Kayla Kupcakes”) had lifted her shirt to reveal bruises. (Her bond, also, was $100.) [WPLG-TV (Miami), 5-13-2015] [WPTV (West Palm Beach), 8-21-2015]
Bright Ideas
A Chinese woman identified only as Zeng was detained and stabilized at Beijing Capital International Airport in August after being found dazed on the floor at a boarding gate. She had attempted to fly with a bottle of expensive cognac (Remy Martin XO Excellence) in her carry-on--a violation of Chinese regulations barring liquids over 100 ml (the cognac was 700 ml, selling for about $200 in the U.S.) and was presented with the ultimatum to give up the bottle or miss the flight. She decided to drink the contents on the spot (but was subsequently declared too drunk to board). [South China Morning Post, 8-24-2015]
“And Another Thing, Dad”: Michael May, 44, was arrested in Lincoln County, Ky., in August after the Pilot Baptist Cemetery near Stanford, Ky., reported that he had tried to dig up the grave of his dead father “in order to argue with him,” according to Lexington’s WLEX-TV. May told officers his dad had died about 30 years ago. (Alcohol was involved in the decision to dig.) [WAVE-TV, 8-18-2015]
More Things to Worry About
Under a 1981 treaty, at least 50 countries, including the United States, have banned their militaries from employing flamethrowers (as “inhumane”), but entrepreneurs have begun to market the devices domestically for $900-$1,600 each (based on the distance of the flame, at 25 feet or 50 feet). Federal regulators appear uninterested (as the contraptions are technically neither “firearms” nor “explosives”), and only two states prohibit them outright, though a few jurisdictions believe flamethrowers are illegal under fire codes. The Ohio startup Throwflame has sensed the need for marketing savvy and describes flamethrowers as primarily for “entertainment.” (Recent news reports indicate a slight run on sales under the suspicion that authorities will soon realize the danger and outlaw them.) [ArsTechnica.com, 8-25-2015; CNN via WTKR-TV (Norfolk, Va.), 8-14-2015]
After two women accused Sheffield Village, Ohio, attorney Michael Fine of “hypnotizing” and sex-talking to them during office consultations, police and the county bar association opened an investigation in November 2014. Though Fine was being consulted on a custody matter, he was secretly audio-recorded (according to one woman’s lawsuit) touting “powerful body orgasms” and suggesting that he was “the world’s greatest lover”--among details the client recalls only vaguely if at all. The bar association later said as many as 25 women may have been victimized. Though no criminal charges have been filed, Fine’s lawyer said in August that his client had voluntarily given up his law license and was seeking “medical” help. [Associated Press via Columbus Dispatch, 8-19-2015] [WEWS-TV (Cleveland), 2-3-2015]
Great Art!
Former Massachusetts Institute of Technology lecturer Joseph Gibbons was sentenced in July to a year in prison for robbing a New York City Capital One bank in December (while operating a video camera) in a heist that he had insisted all along was merely “performance art.” (He said he had done a similar robbery in Rhode Island in November.) His biography on the MIT website described him as “blurring the boundaries between fact and fiction, self and persona . . . with a contradictory impulse to confabulate and dissimulate.” The Queens Museum in New York City has offered to screen the footage of the robbery as an art piece. [New York Times, 7-13-2015]
Artist Anish Kapoor initially denied that his 400-500 tons of stones, called “Dirty Corner,” was “problematic,” but later conceded that it might have “multiple interpretive possibilities.” The installation, which ran through the summer at France’s Palace of Versailles with five other large sculptures, was arranged in the form of a huge vulva, and represented, he said, “the vagina of a queen who is taking power.” [Washington Post, 6-8-2015]
New World Order
(1) A Pig Flies: On August 20th, a 250-pound pig was knocked free of a trailer traveling at 65 mph on Interstate 25 near Fort Collins, Colo.--thus briefly at least sailing. It was not badly hurt. (2) In July, Mexican customs officers detained an American and a Mexican on the bridge between El Paso, Tex., and Juarez, with 13 pounds of marijuana the two allegedly were smuggling into Mexico to sell. (The month before, Juarez officials arrested another El Paso woman with a kilo of crystal meth allegedly destined for Mexican sale.) [Coloradoan (Fort Collins), 8-20-2015] [El Paso Times, 7-23-2015]
Recurring Themes
Short-Term Rehab: Heath Franklin, 44, was arrested on August 20th at the Walmart in Dalton, Ga., charged with taking “upskirt” photos of female shoppers. Franklin, a registered sex offender, had been released on August 19th from Central State Prison, where he was serving a term for sexual offenses (including taking unlawful photos). [Atlanta Journal-Constitution, 8-21-2015]
“Excessive” (I): Three weeks ago, News of the Weird mentioned that a federal judge had officially declared 29 years as an excessive amount of time for the Bureau of Land Management to have sat on a natural-gas permit, but 4 years’ waiting is apparently an acceptable period for a judge to sit on a decision whether to fire New York City school teacher. Edward Morrissey, charged with pushing and shoving a student at PS 109 in Brooklyn in 2009, had his administrative hearing in 2011 and since then has been drawing full pay and benefits (including seniority raises) while reporting to a no-duties “job” (termed a “rubber room”) every school day. In May 2015, he was finally found guilty. [New York Post, 8-23-2015]
“Excessive” (II): In August the independent Police Foundation declared it “excessive” that cops in Stockton, Calif., had fired 600 gunshots trying to apprehend robbers of a Bank of the West branch in July 2014. None of the robbers was hit, but one hostage was--fatally, hit by 10 police bullets. According to the report, “a few” of the officers engaged in “sympathetic fire,” shooting merely because their colleagues were shooting (and since the sequence was chaotic, sympathetic fire occurred even though other colleagues were actually positioned in front of shooters). [Los Angeles Times, 8-17-2015]
News of the Weird Classic (November 2009)
In Ogden, Utah, in October, Adam Manning, 30, accompanied his pregnant girlfriend to the McKay-Dee Hospital emergency room as she was going into labor. According to witnesses, as a nurse attended to the woman, Manning began flirting with her, complimenting the nurse's looks and giving her neck rubs. When Manning then allegedly groped the nurse's breast, she called for security, and Manning was eventually arrested and taken to jail, thus missing the birth of his child. [Salt Lake Tribune, 10-10-2009]
Thanks This Week to Rosie Martinez and Paul Peterson, and to the News of the Weird Board of Editorial Advisors.
Comments
Sometimes only a portion of a well-known saying is used, like "Happy as a clam . . . at high tide."
Likewise, it's "When pigs fly . . . on El-Al."
Likewise, it's "When pigs fly . . . on El-Al."
Posted by Joshua Zev Levin, Ph.D. on 09/06/15 at 06:41 PM
Lead Story: Sales of religious relics is nothing new. In the middle ages there was a big business in "Relics of The True Cross" so many in fact that a good sized church could be built with them. I understand they are still available in the middle east, (made in godless China).
Florida courts: What else is new? Some years ago I was a jury member and after they found the defendant guilty he attacked the jury with a chair. It was a bad move on his part. The front row of senior ladies in the jury box took him on and the bailiffs had to rescue him from the beating. The judge congratulated them on their appropriate defensive action.
Dead Dad: Not much left after 30 years.
Flame throwers: In some states such items are referred to as "Infernal Devices" Will the NRA step up and protect our gun rights and insist flamethrowers are covered by the second amendment? In the event of a zombie invasion they might help out. But not the thing to accidentally discharge in your home or vehicle.
Performance Art: Not!
Reverse traffic: Prices must be high in Mexico.
Stockton CA: Spray and pray. If you got them, use them. I'm sure the ammo suppliers are happy.
Florida courts: What else is new? Some years ago I was a jury member and after they found the defendant guilty he attacked the jury with a chair. It was a bad move on his part. The front row of senior ladies in the jury box took him on and the bailiffs had to rescue him from the beating. The judge congratulated them on their appropriate defensive action.
Dead Dad: Not much left after 30 years.
Flame throwers: In some states such items are referred to as "Infernal Devices" Will the NRA step up and protect our gun rights and insist flamethrowers are covered by the second amendment? In the event of a zombie invasion they might help out. But not the thing to accidentally discharge in your home or vehicle.
Performance Art: Not!
Reverse traffic: Prices must be high in Mexico.
Stockton CA: Spray and pray. If you got them, use them. I'm sure the ammo suppliers are happy.
Posted by Gator Guy on 09/06/15 at 07:40 PM
Pope Stuff- What, no Popecicle? Soda pope? Eucharist flavored popetarts?
judge- He's a good guy, no D0-You-Know-Who-I-Am complex.
dad- While I can see where this would be considered funny by many, I just find it very sad.
flamethrowers- Any aerosol can and a lighter serves the same purpose so if someone wants to do harm they will.
Hypno-lawyer- Attorney Fine, Attorney Howard, Attorney Fine! :lol:
bank robber art- confabulate and dissimulate??? If the film does well maybe the museum can put money in his jail account.
sculpture- Why is it called dirty corner? I am not a staunch feminist, offended by the smallest perceived slight, but I find calling a sculpture of a female sex organ 'the dirty corner' just wrong.
pig- Sorry he fell but something worse is in store when he gets to the destination on another truck.
drugs- Wonder how the Mexican gov will like it when that stuff is flowing the other way?!
sexual crimes- Recidivism for sex crimes is very high. Once someone's sexuality is skewed it is a permanent thing. This leaves abstinence as the only option for these people to exist in society and that is problematic at best. Just ask the Catholic Church how it's working for them.
father of the year- Wonder how many kids to how many different women he has.
judge- He's a good guy, no D0-You-Know-Who-I-Am complex.
dad- While I can see where this would be considered funny by many, I just find it very sad.
flamethrowers- Any aerosol can and a lighter serves the same purpose so if someone wants to do harm they will.
Hypno-lawyer- Attorney Fine, Attorney Howard, Attorney Fine! :lol:
bank robber art- confabulate and dissimulate??? If the film does well maybe the museum can put money in his jail account.
sculpture- Why is it called dirty corner? I am not a staunch feminist, offended by the smallest perceived slight, but I find calling a sculpture of a female sex organ 'the dirty corner' just wrong.
pig- Sorry he fell but something worse is in store when he gets to the destination on another truck.
drugs- Wonder how the Mexican gov will like it when that stuff is flowing the other way?!
sexual crimes- Recidivism for sex crimes is very high. Once someone's sexuality is skewed it is a permanent thing. This leaves abstinence as the only option for these people to exist in society and that is problematic at best. Just ask the Catholic Church how it's working for them.
father of the year- Wonder how many kids to how many different women he has.
Posted by Patty in Ohio, USA on 09/06/15 at 07:54 PM
Papal Visit Ma Church has ALWAYS been about the money and
have a few centuries head-start on the Muslims but I'm sure they'll catch
up soon enough.
Judge Hurley Weak math skills or severe numerophobia?
Zeng Went the Remy Chug-a-Lug
Flame Throwers This is going to be a hot topic the 1st time
is's used on acrispy-critter person.
Michael Fine Whoa!!! An evil lawyer. Who'da'thunk'it?
Joseph Gibbons It's really, really hard to fix stupid.
500 Ton Vagina Don't go in without a 2x4 and a rope.
Mexican Customs They're not playing fair!! We let in tons
and the block a few pounds?? Yo! Donald!
Heath Franklin Stick to what you know is what I always say.
NY School Union Nothing weird here anymore Chuck. This sh1t
has been going on for decades.
600 Rounds of Ammo They really shouldn't hire illegals for
those positions. Too soon? I should've waited until 2017?
have a few centuries head-start on the Muslims but I'm sure they'll catch
up soon enough.
Judge Hurley Weak math skills or severe numerophobia?
Zeng Went the Remy Chug-a-Lug
Flame Throwers This is going to be a hot topic the 1st time
is's used on a
Michael Fine Whoa!!! An evil lawyer. Who'da'thunk'it?
Joseph Gibbons It's really, really hard to fix stupid.
500 Ton Vagina Don't go in without a 2x4 and a rope.
Mexican Customs They're not playing fair!! We let in tons
and the block a few pounds?? Yo! Donald!
Heath Franklin Stick to what you know is what I always say.
NY School Union Nothing weird here anymore Chuck. This sh1t
has been going on for decades.
600 Rounds of Ammo They really shouldn't hire illegals for
those positions. Too soon? I should've waited until 2017?
Posted by Expat47 in Athens, Greece on 09/07/15 at 10:38 AM
@Gator Guy: My grandmother had a splinter in a little glass tube. But it was the REAL thing.
Posted by Expat47 in Athens, Greece on 09/07/15 at 10:41 AM
Re Upskirt: Heath is to Carpet Country what Wayne is to otherwise civilized areas. More Heath given names are registered sex offenders and one of them shat his britches while a tiny-town officer attempted to haul him off for public drunkenness.
Apologies to the Heath Brothers of jazz fame. Our miscreants are white.
Apologies to the Heath Brothers of jazz fame. Our miscreants are white.
Posted by Angie unduplicated on 09/07/15 at 11:48 AM
I wonder if a flamethrower would be faster and more fun than shoveling the snow from my driveway ?
Posted by BrokeDad in Midwest US on 09/07/15 at 12:16 PM
They used to mount flame throwers on trucks to melt the ice on the roads from time to time way, way back when I lived in the land of ice & snow.
Posted by Expat47 in Athens, Greece on 09/07/15 at 01:03 PM
Commenting is not available in this channel entry.
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