News of the Weird/Pro Edition/Weird 2.0
You're Still Not Cynical Enough
A Few More Prime Cuts of Underreported News from Last Week, Hand-Picked and Lightly Seasoned by Chuck Shepherd
June 29, 2010
(datelines June 19-26) (links correct as of June 28)
Weird 2.0
"To see what is in front of one's nose requires a constant struggle"—George Orwell
"That's close enough for government work"—unknown
"Nero Fiddles While Rome Burns"—Rome Daily Inquirer, 7-18-64A.D.
Close Enough: One of the U.S. Treasury Department's inspectors general reported that 14,000 "home buyers" have wrongly gotten tax credits under the 2008 real-estate-panic law. Now, there were bound to be slip-ups, but 1,300 of the 14,000 questionable "home buyers" were in prison at the time, including 241 serving life sentences, and 67 others bought the same house. (IRS sniffed that only a tiny few payouts appear to have been fraudulent
[ed. likely because only a tiny number of scammers are cynical enough to understand that IRS can actually be defrauded from a prison cell].)
CNN Money
The Pentagon says it can't "buy American" choppers for Afghanistan, thus enraging all the Senators and Congressmen from military-industrial districts. In fact, DoD feels it must buy
Russian choppers because by the time most Afghan airmen, who have limited attention spans and who learned to fly on Russian choppers learn to fly U.S. craft, Gen. Petraeus'll be playing shuffleboard at the Old Soldiers' Home.
Washington Post
"If you or I did what the Diocese of San Diego did in [its recent] bankruptcy [to stanch the flow of lawsuit damages arising from priests' sexual-abuse cases], we'd be charged with bankruptcy fraud, and we'd probably be in prison." That was attorney John Manly, who said he's found lots of wealth-hiding, obstruction-of-justice schemes by both the Diocese and the Vatican, itself.
Star Tribune
Oops: California's welfare-dispensing debit cards ("Golden State Advantage EBT" cards), making all your state benefit payments accessible by ATM, were unexpectedly found also to work at about half the state's casinos and gaming rooms. The governator was shocked to learn this and by executive order demanded that each recipient sign a pledge that their money will go only "to meet the basic subsistence needs of their families."
Los Angeles Times
Elsewhere in California, a
Sacramento Bee investigation found that the total accumulated amount of all state workers' paid time off, as of right then, was $2.75 billion.
[ed. Obviously, the state doesn't have $2.75 billion right now. To meet this challenge requires hard work and ingenuity . . to develop an entirely new generation of bookkeeping hacks and tricks to make the problem go away.] Sacramento Bee
Besides, Gen. Petraeus's Plate Is Already Full: New York state has raised its cigarette tax again, and you can't buy a pack in New York City (which has additional tax) for less than $10.80. More exciting, though, is that the state is applying its taxes, starting September 1, to sales on Indian reservations (after giving tribe smokers personal exemptions). The Seneca Nation tribe, through J.C. Seneca, said any state attempt to get the money would amount to an "act of war." Said the state budget director, "We would hope there would not be any violence."
Buffalo News
The public transit system in Austin, Tex., Capital Metro, has had a $500 OSHA violation thrown out by a federal appeals court, and it only cost the company, er, $61,000 in legal fees (and the meter is still running, actually). Cost is not important, said CEO Doug Allen, when you're fighting for a
grand principle, which in this case is Cap Metro's wish to avoid complying with OSHA safety regulations. The appeals court ruled that Cap Metro is a quasi-government agency and is therefore exempt from OSHA's glare. (Allen assured everyone, though, that Cap Metro has
its own workplace-safety plans.)
Austin American-Statesman
Once in a while, a remarkable report is issued, the substance of which has been known by the cognoscenti for a long time (and whose attitude accompanying this knowledge has always been, "Shhhhhhh! Don't . . don't . . just leave it alone, OK?"). Last week, the House Committee on Oversight and Government Reform reported that the U.S. pays a big chunk of its $2 billion "security" contract in Afghanistan . . to the Taliban. And the Pentagon knows it. ("Shhhhhhhh!") The U.S. cannot transport supplies into the interior of the country without paying for road protection, which it contracts out to various warlords, and for so many of the warlords, their main subcontractors are Taliban or Taliban-sympathizers. However, the military (all the way up the ladder) simply do not know how to avoid this. As long as the warlords take a predictable amount of riches, to provide a predictable amount of security, and no more than a predictable amount of that goes to the Taliban, everybody wins, sort of. It's like a "given." It's like it's part of the Geneva Conventions.
Washington Post
District of Calamity:
Washington Post columnist Colbert King wanted to know simply where on the list of police priorities is "tracking down a violent escapee from the D.C. Youth and Rehabilitative Services." Like, is it, Oh, whenever? Or is it serious? YRS has been assigned lots of youngsters and teens, most of them salvageable but some of them probably not, and the latter need to be hunted down when they escape, to, y'know, keep them from murdering people. However, Mayor Fenty ordered the police not to answer King or the D.C. Council. All answers, Fenty said, will be supplied by YRS itself (the most chronically dysfunctional of the various dysfunctional D.C. agencies).
[ed. How can it be so bad for so long? OK, channel the movie "Jaws." (1) YRS can only be rehabbed by recognizing that a significant number of young D.C. males are dangerous predators. OMG! (2) Mayor Fenty has to be upbeat, to bring in business and people. To admit that part of your government is a scary hell hole that needs emergency powers is a real downer, especially when a loud minority of voters are still hung up on racial "profiling." (3) Most people balance interests of (1) and (2) by accepting "Close Enough For Government Work" rhetoric, e.g., "challenges," "tragic," "fairness," "second chance," "complex questions," etc.--especially if the losers in the drama are just kids stuck in bad neighborhoods, even the ones gunned down by youth predators.] Washington Post
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