A Clumsy Shoplifter, Designer Feet, Spy Pigeons

and the Morning Edition of Chuck's News of the Weird Daily for Wednesday

Next Fashion Frontier for Women: Designer Foot Surgery
London't Daily Mail says it has learned of "a number of" women (only two gave interviews) who are reporting for cosmetic surgery to cure awful, awful problems such as fat toes and shapeless ankles, which inhibit wearing those luscious "peep-toe" shoes. Recovery time from foot surgery is typically six months, but, hey, small price to pay. And business is expected to pick up for surgeons now that eight-inch stilettos are debuting. Daily Mail
Comments 'designer_feet'

Latest Negative-Cash-Flow Robbery
He decided to go for the cash register contents at the Grizzly Gas station, but only after putting $2 on the counter for a Snickers bar. However, the clerk slammed the drawer shut and backed away, and the robber fled, with neither the booty nor the candy nor his two bucks. Colorado Daily (Boulder) via KMGH-TV (Denver)
Comments 'negative_cashflow'

Your Daily Loser
Jose Diaz, 35, Lorain, Ohio, making a run for it after swiping a camera at a Wal-Mart, suffered two quick smackdowns. first, from the front door (it's glass; it looks "open"), then from a concrete post in the parking lot. Morning Journal (Lorain) [with mugshot, after cuts were sorta-cleaned-up]
Comments 'jose_diaz'

Your Daily Jury Duty
[no fair examining the evidence; verdict must be based on mugshot only]
Could it possibly be true that Joseph Young, 30, Bradenton, Fla., is the man who was caught in a supermarket with not one, but several, bags of frozen shrimp stuffed down his pants? Associated Press via WTSP-TV (St. Petersburg)
Comments 'joseph_young'

More Things to Worry About on Wednesday

New Zealand care-givers complain that their company was trying to make them perform stress-relief handjobs on disabled patients. Nelson Mail

Recession hits Wisconsin bank robber: couldn't afford a mask? Journal Sentinel (Milwaukee)

Various federal agencies gave at least $5B in contracts targeted to "small businesses" that long ago outgrew smallness, and it's been a chronic problem, apparently. (Bonus: The real scandal, though, is that even when the gov't properly applies its criteria, "small business" ain't Joe The Plumber. They're huge small businesses.) Washington Post

Iran's getting nervous again about what they assume is omniscient U.S. spy technology. Just as last year, they're complaining about "spy pigeons," i.e., actual birds that turn up in the neighborhood of their nuclear complex, wired with "invisible string" and metal rings. Agence France-Presse via Yahoo

News to drive the proprietors of WeirdUniverse.net nuts: Thanks to sensors and computer algorithms, there's a houseplant on a store counter in Japan that is creating a daily blog, and you know damn well it gets way-more hits than we get. Daily Telegraph (London)

Update: By the way, The Smoking Gun posted the mug shot and police report of our car-wash vacuum guy from yesterday.
The Smoking Gun

Comments on More Things to Worry About on Wednesday?
Comments 'worry_081022'

Posted By: Chuck - Wed Oct 22, 2008 - Comments (0)
Category:

Bjork and Her Television

I really think the beloved and utterly unique Bjork should be the official spokesgal for WEIRD UNIVERSE.

Posted By: Paul - Tue Oct 21, 2008 - Comments (5)
Category: Aliens, Science, Television, Foreign Customs

The Killer Robots

Those for whom GWAR no longer is sufficient might like to check out The Killer Robots. Here is their MySpace Page.

Posted By: Paul - Tue Oct 21, 2008 - Comments (9)
Category: Costumes and Masks, Music, Robots

Strange Candidate #5: Henry Krajewski

Henry Krajewski, New Jersey pig farmer, was the self-proclaimed candidate of the Poor Man's Party. He ran three times for president, in 1952, 1956 and 1960. Plus, he ran for Governor and Senator. His most successful campaign was his 1954 run for Senator, in which he got 23,000 votes. He didn't win, but he was credited with being a spoiler, his votes enabling Republican candidate Clifford Case to win a close election over Democrat Charles Howell.

Krajewski campaigned with a pig under his arm. The pig, he said, "squeals like the people for a fair deal." His slogan was "No piggy deals in Washington." He also promised "more beer parties for the poor man" as well as "free milk for all school children with the cost paid by the Government."

He chose the pig as his symbol because he felt it symbolized peace and prosperity. The reasoning behind this was a) it was a gentle animal; and b) there was no waste on it (all the parts are eaten).

He raised funds for his campaign through the sale of a polka record: "Hey, Krajewski!"

He favored a two-president system because "if you had a Democrat and a Republican in the White House at the same time, they'd be so busy watching each other that there would be no danger of a dictatorship." He was also a supporter of Joseph McCarthy and his campaign to root out suspected communists.

He died in 1966 of a heart attack.


Strange Candidate #4: Jonathan Maxwell
Strange Candidate #3: George Francis Train
Strange Candidate #2: Homer Tomlinson
Strange Candidate #1: Live-Forever Jones

Posted By: Alex - Tue Oct 21, 2008 - Comments (7)
Category: Strange Candidates

Weird Poster

[Photographed in Providence, Rhode Island, October 2008, corner of North Main and Branch.]

If anyone can possibly explain the meaning of this poster, please do so.

Posted By: Paul - Mon Oct 20, 2008 - Comments (14)
Category: Aliens, Art, Sexuality, Signage, Posters, Gender-bending

Car-Eating Dogs, a “Willy Spread”

and the Afternoon Edition of Chuck's News of the Weird Daily for Monday

He was 82, living out of a motel room when he died. Unlike the cat ladies, he hadn't been hoarding animals. What he had been hoarding, though, was dollar bills. $263,000, cold cash. Chicago Tribune

For the first time ever, maybe, an American Common Nighthawk made an appearance in Britain (probably blown off course by heavy winds as it migrated toward South America). On the other hand, shortly after making landfall, it was run over by a car. Daily Mail

An Australian man complained that "wild dogs" ate his car, doing major fender damage . . again. Northern Territory News

People Different From Us: A judge dropped the charges against the wife, who had shot her husband in the leg, because (the judge was convinced) the husband had begged her to. Associated Press via Yahoo

She was driving around with 85 marijuana plants in the back seat, yet she hadn't checked whether her state car inspection sticker was up-to-date. (It wasn't.) The Republican (Springfield, Mass.)

The Sun has located Britain's worst driver: Age 48, father of two, serial driver-test failure, banned from the roads 58 times, jailed at least 30, 115 offenses. The Sun

"This is a first. We've never had to put out an alert before on willy spread, chocolate-flavoured or otherwise." (That's a spokesman for the European commission's Food Safety Authority announcing that there's too much melamine in a certain Chinese-import lotion designed to enhance oral sex.) Daily Mail

Professor Music's Weird Link o' the Day
You probably thought, whenever you encountered an enterprise called "the Acme company," that here is a business operator with utterly no imagination. But check out the "original" Illustrated Catalog of ACME Products. An awesome assortment!

Today's Newsrangers: Rodney Meyer, Candy Clouston, Dave Stout, Guillermo Reynoso
Comments on the Afternoon Edition of Chuck's News of the Weird Daily for Monday?
Comments 'cycle_081020'

Posted By: Chuck - Mon Oct 20, 2008 - Comments (0)
Category:

Guess the Scientist, #2

What scientist wrote the following passage? The answer is in extended (and on the comments page).

A small experimental room was fitted with a bed and other items conducive to a normal sexual response. The bed was placed directly against a wall through which an opening was made. Both sides of the opening were covered with a thick sheet of foam rubber. Slits were made in the foam rubber so that the leads to the instruments could be passed to the recording room while still maintaining the privacy of the experimental room. All of the subjects were married and were between the ages of 22 and 30.

To record the heart rate four electrocardiographic leads, fashioned from wire mesh attached to an elastic bandage, were fastened to the upper thighs and the upper arms. With this technique the ECG was readable even during the periods of greatest muscular activity. During foreplay, records were taken each minute on two Sanborn direct writing electrocardiographs. During coitus continuous recordings were made, and after withdrawal records were again made a 1-minute intervals. Three tests were performed on each of three couples.

More in extended >>

Posted By: Alex - Mon Oct 20, 2008 - Comments (9)
Category: Quizzes, Guess the Scientist, Science, Experiments

Two Defiant Ladies Plus Two Hardened Perverts

and the Morning Edition of Chuck's News of the Weird Daily for Monday

Two proud seniors, speaking sass to power
Edna Jester, 89, confiscated a kid's football that came into her yard, and she's absolutely not giving it back just yet, even though police asked nicely. And another lady of almost that certain age said she's ready for jail rather than pay to convert one of her bedrooms back to a garage (to comply with zoning laws that were broken by the previous owner 30 yrs ago). (Uh, Question: The zoning enforcement people say they can't let her slide because, after all, this is a "safety" issue, but isn't 30 yrs enough time to judge whether something really is unsafe?) WEWS-TV (Cleveland) /// Los Angeles Times
Comments 'two_seniors'

A pervert with a pick-up technique that even perverts are embarrassed about
A woman went to interview for a $15k job in Morgantown, W.Va., feeling kinda relaxed because the interviewer used to be a neighbor of hers. At the end of the session, he offered the job but provided that she show him her [Carlin's No. 7]. Shocked, she heads for the door. He begs. Come on, it's $300 a week, and all I want is a glimpse! No? OK, before you go, could I at least touch one of 'em? Her disgust mounts. Finally, he sees the light, apologizes profusely, says he didn't know what came over him, and offers her the job with no strings and no on-the-job association with him. She relents. As she's filling out the paperwork, she notices that he's standing there with his junk out, taking care of himself. West Virginia Record
Comments 'pervert_technique'

Your Daily Loser
He's apparently got some experience in crime, but still, he's only 15, so he might not have realized that one thing you can't do with a stolen credit card is buy NFL tickets and then actually sit in those seats during the game. Times-Picayune
Comments 'nfl_tickets'

People Whose Sex Lives Are Worse Than Yours
Larry Williamson, 55, pants down, wanking in a public park in Indiana, and . . with a "metal rod" sticking out of his stuff. WEMT-TV (Evansville)
Comments 'larry_williamson'

Your Daily Jury Duty
[no fair examining the evidence; verdict must be based on mugshot only]
Gregory Griggs, 19, possibly involved in marijuana trafficking (and when judging his guilt or innocence, be sure to ignore his shirt). Kentucky Enquirer
Comments 'gregory_griggs'

More Things to Worry About on Monday

Recession? Sony is apparently willing to back taking Who Wants to Be a Millionaire? to, er, Afghanistan TV (although a million Afghani doohickies is only $21k) (But if you're Afghani, $21k damn well feels like a million.) Reuters via Yahoo

Tom Owen ("The Human Speed Bump") was hospitalized trying to break the Guinness Book record for number of cars to run over him in succession (eight). Mission accomplished, basically. (Bonus: Career-wise, he has over 1,000 notches.) Arizona Republic

In Nigeria, a father turned in his 20-yr-old son to police, for the boy's amotivational behavior (i.e., he's a lazy bum), and a court immediately dished out 30 lashes. Reuters via Yahoo

Speed-grieving at an Australian rugby match: Player drops dead on the field, of a heart attack. Moment of silence. Play ball!. Courier-Mail (Brisbane)

"We told you math was something you could actually use in life," might be what the 375 Texas schoolteachers who were laid off last week have been telling their kids, because the reason they had to go was that the Dallas school district "massive[ly]" miscalculated the budget. CNN

Comments on More Things to Worry About on Monday?
Comments 'worry_081020'

Posted By: Chuck - Mon Oct 20, 2008 - Comments (0)
Category:

Follies of the Mad Men #39

[From Life magazine for April 23 1971.]

The other day, watching that commercial of Lucky Strike cigarettes square-dancing, I speculated on how one could distinguish female from male cigarettes. Twenty years after that commercial, Madison Avenue had the answer! Female cigarettes are "pretty" and have decorative floral emblems on the filters!

Wasn't it wonderful that "women's lib" allowed tobacco companies to sell more cigarettes to a previously under-served population?

Posted By: Paul - Sun Oct 19, 2008 - Comments (3)
Category: Addictions, Business, Advertising, Death, Fads, Gender, Women, 1970s

Kooky Korean Klothing

My nephew Rey is living and working in South Korea now, and so he's in a prime position to encounter classic examples of senseless "foreign English" apparel.

Like the one he contributes here.

Posted By: Paul - Sat Oct 18, 2008 - Comments (2)
Category: Fashion, Foreign Customs, Asia