News of the Weird 2.0 (May 27, 2013)
News of the Weird 2.0
Angst, Confusion, Cynicism, Ridicule
Prime Cuts of Underreported News from Last Week, Hand-Picked and Lightly Seasoned by Chuck Shepherd
May 27, 2013
(datelines May 18-May 25) (links correct as of May 26)
© 2013 by Chuck Shepherd. All rights reserved.
★ ★ ★ ★!
Ever heard of Keith Judd? He was in the news last week for suing in Iowa to, in essence, invalidate the 2012 election on the ground that our President is really a Kenyan. But wait, there’s more! He’s serving 17 yrs in the federal pen for threatening a woman on the basis that she (a clone of Stevie Nicks!) tried to sabotage his home improvement company. But wait, there’s more! In the 2012 Democratic presidential primary in West Virginia, Judd, a write-in candidate, kicked the President’s butt in nine counties and lost by only 33,000 votes statewide. Des Moines Register
Perspective: (1) Army Maj. Nidal Hasan (aka “Fort Hood Shooter”) continues to be “Maj. Hasan” until such time as he is convicted, and these high-profile prosecutions take time. Thus, as of last week, as a KXAS-TV investigation found, he has been paid $278k (and counting) in salary and benefits since he mowed down 45 people (13 fatally). (2) Here’s the catch: The U.S. Army, oozing political correctness, has called Hasan’s jihad only “workplace violence” and not a “terrorist attack.” What’s the difference? Those of the 45 who were on active duty lose out on an array of extra money and medical services that they would receive if it had been a terrorist attack. (Many of them are suing the Army, but those things, too, take time.) KXAS-TV (Dallas-Fort Worth)
From NOTW .M081 (10-26-2008):
* Legendary banjo player Eddie Adcock, age 70 and suffering hand tremors that failed to respond to medication, volunteered for a revolutionary neurosurgery in August in which he finger-picked tunes while his brain was exposed and Vanderbilt University Medical Center surgeons tried to locate the defective area. In "deep brain stimulation," doctors find a poorly-responding site and use electrodes to arouse it properly. As Adcock, conscious but pain-free, picked out melodies, doctors probed until suddenly Adcock's playing became disjointed, and electrodes were assigned to that spot. By October, according to an ABC News report, Adcock, with a button-activated chest pacemaker wired to his head, was back on stage, as quick-fingered as ever. [ABC News, 10-3-08; The Bluegrass Blog, 9-9-08]
Well, they did that surgery again last week, at UCLA Med Center--except they also live-tweeted it. Musician Brad Carter, with early Parkinson’s at age 39, was the patient, and there are photos. [ed. No one wants to talk about the obvious: how much better off we’d be if some of us could carry around controllers to “deep brain stimulate” stupid people we run into.] World’s Greatest Newspaper
More Things to Worry About
Suspicions Confirmed: A New York Civil Liberties Union report on last yr’s 532,911 street stops by NYC cops was successful, for finding 729 illegal guns, but with the complication that more than 5,000 people were also arrested only for marijuana possession, among them an unknown number who were never in trouble before but who now face trying circumstances for the next few years, at least--and of course the vast majority of them blacks and Hispanics. Gothamist.com
Now they tell us! “We cannot have an Islamic country with basically Western laws,” said a legislator in our friendly ally Afghanistan, after rejecting President Karzai’s reforms. Hence, the legislature will not budge on changing child marriage, forced marriage, families exchanging girls/women to settle disputes, wife-beating, and punishing females for being raped. Associated Press via ABC News
The best time for free-lance insurance adjusters, restoration workers, and other contractors to make sales pitches, apparently, is while firefighters are still on-scene fighting the fire--because if they don’t, competitors will get the business. “They are very aggressive” said a fire lieutenant, nodding to the salesmen’s use of police scanners to beat them to the fires. Florida used to have a 48-hour-keepaway rule to let the bereaved settle in, but the state supreme court said that violated free speech. U-S-A! U-S-A! South Florida Sun-Sentinel
There’s an Inter-agency Working Group of federal departments, developing guidelines encouraging nutrition and obesity avoidance, but there’s also Big Food--lobbyists for companies that find it quite profitable for you to keep eating what you’ve been eating. General Mills calculated that if every American started eating by IWG guidelines, it’d cost the company $503bn a yr (and raise the average food bil $1,632 a yr). Scientific American
The F State: The 13 northeast counties in Florida’s Redneck Belt have created their own little online database (seriously!) to warn each other in case of terrorist suspicions. Will the crackers overreact when they “see something” and thus “say something” about every paranoided-up thing? Said one sheriff, “The majority of citizens want to do what’s right.” [ed. The population of the 13 counties is more than 1.8m, leaving a lot of leeway for paranoids.] Florida Times-Union
U-S-A! U-S-A! Four American tourists got the bright idea to set up a table and chairs for a formal dinner on a piece of ice in a lagoon while visiting Iceland last week, and the wind shifted. Oh, those Americans! One had tofreeze his cojones off swim 10 yards to call for help. IcelandReview.com
The Aristocrats!
Lovers Karen Harrelson, 48, and Gregory Stambaugh, 57, face charges as soon as authorities in York, Pa., can figure out which one stabbed the other one first in their knife fight over whether Candice or Kree should have won “American Idol.” KDKA-TV (Pittsburgh, Pa.)
DeWayne Eddy, 54, was arrested in Yuba County, Calif., for giving his adult daughter a couple of WWE-style steel-chair shots (and a can-of-beans shot) because he was angry at having discovered a bolt missing from the feeder at the home’s chicken coop. Appeal-Democrat (Marysville, Calif.)
In the mayoral race in Harrisburg, Pa., one candidate himself (i.e., not an overzealous supporter) was caught touching up his opponent’s yard signs (changing “Papenfuse” to “Papenpuss”). (Bonus: The candidate-vandal: Lewis Butts.) PennLive.com (Philadelphia)
Weekly Cite-Seeing
Erica Nigrelli, Pregnant Teacher, Gives Birth While Dead, Coworkers Help Bring Her Back to Life --- International Business Times
Shoplifter Said Stolen Joint of Beef Reminded Him of His Dead Grandmother --- Sunderland Echo (Sunderland, England)
Man Runs Out of Gas, Sets Up Drum Kit on Interstate 695 --- Baltimore Sun
EU [researchers] in Plan for ‘More Nutritious’ Horsemeat Ice Cream --- The Register (London)
Hedgehog Deflated by Vets in Life-Saving Procedure --- ThisIsCornwall.co.uk (Truro, England)
Council Members Abstain from Vote on Abstaining --- WHTH-TV (Harrisburg, Pa.)
Strange Old World
It’s not quite Norway (whose “prison” accommodations resemble two-star hotels in America), but Japan’s Hyogo Prefecture “has a bit of a reputation for culinary excellence” that extends to the local lockup. Jailhouse food consists of a deluxe bento box from a nearby eatery, and a 32-yr-old thief arrested May 12th said he committed the crime in part to get some delicious grub. Japan Today
Your Weekly Jury Duty
[In America, you're presumed innocent . . . until the mug shot is released]
The ungifted Ms. Prilla Coslett and her significant-yet-remorseful other, Clint, 48, have been arrested after a police chase over a stolen computer printer (value: $37). [ed.: All right now, no profiling!] WWL-TV (New Orleans)
Newsrangers: Bill Thomas and Russell Bell and the News of the Weird Board of Editorial Advisors
Angst, Confusion, Cynicism, Ridicule
Prime Cuts of Underreported News from Last Week, Hand-Picked and Lightly Seasoned by Chuck Shepherd
May 27, 2013
(datelines May 18-May 25) (links correct as of May 26)
© 2013 by Chuck Shepherd. All rights reserved.
★ ★ ★ ★!
Ever heard of Keith Judd? He was in the news last week for suing in Iowa to, in essence, invalidate the 2012 election on the ground that our President is really a Kenyan. But wait, there’s more! He’s serving 17 yrs in the federal pen for threatening a woman on the basis that she (a clone of Stevie Nicks!) tried to sabotage his home improvement company. But wait, there’s more! In the 2012 Democratic presidential primary in West Virginia, Judd, a write-in candidate, kicked the President’s butt in nine counties and lost by only 33,000 votes statewide. Des Moines Register
Perspective: (1) Army Maj. Nidal Hasan (aka “Fort Hood Shooter”) continues to be “Maj. Hasan” until such time as he is convicted, and these high-profile prosecutions take time. Thus, as of last week, as a KXAS-TV investigation found, he has been paid $278k (and counting) in salary and benefits since he mowed down 45 people (13 fatally). (2) Here’s the catch: The U.S. Army, oozing political correctness, has called Hasan’s jihad only “workplace violence” and not a “terrorist attack.” What’s the difference? Those of the 45 who were on active duty lose out on an array of extra money and medical services that they would receive if it had been a terrorist attack. (Many of them are suing the Army, but those things, too, take time.) KXAS-TV (Dallas-Fort Worth)
From NOTW .M081 (10-26-2008):
* Legendary banjo player Eddie Adcock, age 70 and suffering hand tremors that failed to respond to medication, volunteered for a revolutionary neurosurgery in August in which he finger-picked tunes while his brain was exposed and Vanderbilt University Medical Center surgeons tried to locate the defective area. In "deep brain stimulation," doctors find a poorly-responding site and use electrodes to arouse it properly. As Adcock, conscious but pain-free, picked out melodies, doctors probed until suddenly Adcock's playing became disjointed, and electrodes were assigned to that spot. By October, according to an ABC News report, Adcock, with a button-activated chest pacemaker wired to his head, was back on stage, as quick-fingered as ever. [ABC News, 10-3-08; The Bluegrass Blog, 9-9-08]
Well, they did that surgery again last week, at UCLA Med Center--except they also live-tweeted it. Musician Brad Carter, with early Parkinson’s at age 39, was the patient, and there are photos. [ed. No one wants to talk about the obvious: how much better off we’d be if some of us could carry around controllers to “deep brain stimulate” stupid people we run into.] World’s Greatest Newspaper
More Things to Worry About
Suspicions Confirmed: A New York Civil Liberties Union report on last yr’s 532,911 street stops by NYC cops was successful, for finding 729 illegal guns, but with the complication that more than 5,000 people were also arrested only for marijuana possession, among them an unknown number who were never in trouble before but who now face trying circumstances for the next few years, at least--and of course the vast majority of them blacks and Hispanics. Gothamist.com
Now they tell us! “We cannot have an Islamic country with basically Western laws,” said a legislator in our friendly ally Afghanistan, after rejecting President Karzai’s reforms. Hence, the legislature will not budge on changing child marriage, forced marriage, families exchanging girls/women to settle disputes, wife-beating, and punishing females for being raped. Associated Press via ABC News
The best time for free-lance insurance adjusters, restoration workers, and other contractors to make sales pitches, apparently, is while firefighters are still on-scene fighting the fire--because if they don’t, competitors will get the business. “They are very aggressive” said a fire lieutenant, nodding to the salesmen’s use of police scanners to beat them to the fires. Florida used to have a 48-hour-keepaway rule to let the bereaved settle in, but the state supreme court said that violated free speech. U-S-A! U-S-A! South Florida Sun-Sentinel
There’s an Inter-agency Working Group of federal departments, developing guidelines encouraging nutrition and obesity avoidance, but there’s also Big Food--lobbyists for companies that find it quite profitable for you to keep eating what you’ve been eating. General Mills calculated that if every American started eating by IWG guidelines, it’d cost the company $503bn a yr (and raise the average food bil $1,632 a yr). Scientific American
The F State: The 13 northeast counties in Florida’s Redneck Belt have created their own little online database (seriously!) to warn each other in case of terrorist suspicions. Will the crackers overreact when they “see something” and thus “say something” about every paranoided-up thing? Said one sheriff, “The majority of citizens want to do what’s right.” [ed. The population of the 13 counties is more than 1.8m, leaving a lot of leeway for paranoids.] Florida Times-Union
U-S-A! U-S-A! Four American tourists got the bright idea to set up a table and chairs for a formal dinner on a piece of ice in a lagoon while visiting Iceland last week, and the wind shifted. Oh, those Americans! One had to
The Aristocrats!
Lovers Karen Harrelson, 48, and Gregory Stambaugh, 57, face charges as soon as authorities in York, Pa., can figure out which one stabbed the other one first in their knife fight over whether Candice or Kree should have won “American Idol.” KDKA-TV (Pittsburgh, Pa.)
DeWayne Eddy, 54, was arrested in Yuba County, Calif., for giving his adult daughter a couple of WWE-style steel-chair shots (and a can-of-beans shot) because he was angry at having discovered a bolt missing from the feeder at the home’s chicken coop. Appeal-Democrat (Marysville, Calif.)
In the mayoral race in Harrisburg, Pa., one candidate himself (i.e., not an overzealous supporter) was caught touching up his opponent’s yard signs (changing “Papenfuse” to “Papenpuss”). (Bonus: The candidate-vandal: Lewis Butts.) PennLive.com (Philadelphia)
Weekly Cite-Seeing
Erica Nigrelli, Pregnant Teacher, Gives Birth While Dead, Coworkers Help Bring Her Back to Life --- International Business Times
Shoplifter Said Stolen Joint of Beef Reminded Him of His Dead Grandmother --- Sunderland Echo (Sunderland, England)
Man Runs Out of Gas, Sets Up Drum Kit on Interstate 695 --- Baltimore Sun
EU [researchers] in Plan for ‘More Nutritious’ Horsemeat Ice Cream --- The Register (London)
Hedgehog Deflated by Vets in Life-Saving Procedure --- ThisIsCornwall.co.uk (Truro, England)
Council Members Abstain from Vote on Abstaining --- WHTH-TV (Harrisburg, Pa.)
Strange Old World
It’s not quite Norway (whose “prison” accommodations resemble two-star hotels in America), but Japan’s Hyogo Prefecture “has a bit of a reputation for culinary excellence” that extends to the local lockup. Jailhouse food consists of a deluxe bento box from a nearby eatery, and a 32-yr-old thief arrested May 12th said he committed the crime in part to get some delicious grub. Japan Today
Your Weekly Jury Duty
[In America, you're presumed innocent . . . until the mug shot is released]
The ungifted Ms. Prilla Coslett and her significant-yet-remorseful other, Clint, 48, have been arrested after a police chase over a stolen computer printer (value: $37). [ed.: All right now, no profiling!] WWL-TV (New Orleans)
Newsrangers: Bill Thomas and Russell Bell and the News of the Weird Board of Editorial Advisors
Comments
Thanks Chuck, For another great post!
Also, I now have a new way to refer to the practice of kicking some idiot's Ass, "Deep Brain Stimulation" :lol:
For a look at what it's like for Americans in Japanese prison CLICK HERE! :coolsmile: :lol:
Also, I now have a new way to refer to the practice of kicking some idiot's Ass, "Deep Brain Stimulation" :lol:
For a look at what it's like for Americans in Japanese prison CLICK HERE! :coolsmile: :lol:
Posted by Tyrusguy on 05/27/13 at 09:22 AM
Keith Judd Unless "Kenyan" has some equine meaning I'm not aware of, he's, sadly, wrong.
Nidal Hasan You can lay this @#$@$@ at the "Kenyan's" feet too!
Brain Surgery Nothing new here, House was doing this 5 years ago!
New York Civil Liberties Union So, why are the feds only picking on Sheriff Arpaio?
Afghanistan Hell's Bells, anybody with 1/2 a brain knew that before the local round of crap started!
Jury Duty Profile what??? They're white so we can say whatever we want about these hillbilly, inbred, crackers and it's not racism.
Nidal Hasan You can lay this @#$@$@ at the "Kenyan's" feet too!
Brain Surgery Nothing new here, House was doing this 5 years ago!
New York Civil Liberties Union So, why are the feds only picking on Sheriff Arpaio?
Afghanistan Hell's Bells, anybody with 1/2 a brain knew that before the local round of crap started!
Jury Duty Profile what??? They're white so we can say whatever we want about these hillbilly, inbred, crackers and it's not racism.
Posted by Expat47 in Athens, Greece on 05/27/13 at 12:16 PM
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