News of the Weird 2.0 (November 11, 2013)
News of the Weird 2.0
Angst, Confusion, Cynicism, Ridicule
Prime Cuts of Underreported News from Last Week, Hand-Picked and Lightly Seasoned by Chuck Shepherd
November 11, 2013
(datelines November 2-November 9) (links correct as of November 10)
Intelligent Design: Behold the anglerfish, 99% of which die as virgins, but for the lucky 1%, sex is as follows: “Boy meets girl, boy bites girl, boy’s mouth fuses to girl’s body, boy lives the rest of his life attached to girl sharing her blood and supplying her with sperm.” Wired
“Tradition” Yields “Weird”: In a Mayan village in Guatemala, people mostly don’t drink, but on November 1st, it’s game on, as the menfolk get ripped and then ride special horses through town, and then through town again, and [rinse and repeat]. When someone falls off dead, that’s called an “offering” to the spirits for good crops. [Yr Ed loves tradition!] Vice.com
New-Wave Field Sobriety Test: Well, if she grabs a nearby cheeseburger and tries to attach it to her foot as if she thinks it’s a shoe, she is officially over the limit. Huffington Post
Why would a company as old and venerable and bountifuland perky as Maidenform think to promise putting caffeine crystals in the lining would destroy fat? Courthouse News Service
Leading Economic Indicator: Avg cost of a 2-bedroom Manhattan apartment, $1.4m. Cost of a private island in upstate-NY Putnam County (with a 4-bedroom house), $995k. Coldwell Banker via New York Post
More Low-Hanging Toxic Gov’t Fruit: (1) While Republicans on Capitol Hill propose cutting $4bn/yr in food stamps, the same legislation that does that will continue to pay farm subsidies to 50 billionaires--and make them even better off by moving them to a subsidy program that keeps their names private. (2) A U.S. Treasury inspector gen’l revealed that IRS paid out $4bn in tax refunds to identity thieves (but that the agency is getting better at stopping that). Except . . . last yr, 655 refunds went to the same address in Lithuania, and 343 to the same address in Shanghai. (3) Federal benefits of more than $500m have in recent yrs gone to beneficiaries who have shuffled off this mortal coil--in many cases not all that recently. (And of course, the gov’t is making improvements there, too, they say.) New York Times /// Associated Press via New York Post /// Washington Post
People With Worse Sex Lives Than You: Edwin Tobergta, 34, will spend 11 months in the slammer for his 3rd strike at indecent exposure (mostly, trying to mate with pool floats). His sex life is about to get busier (for 11 months, at least). WXIX-TV (Cincinnati) via WMC-TV (Memphis)
When “Gov’t” Is Most Annoying: Established barbers in Ontario are no longer grandfathered into new regulations on hairstyling. No matter that they only serve men, they’ll now need 2,000 hrs’ schooling, learn ladies’ hairstyles, and pay $5k for their license. Grrrrr. Canadian Broadcasting Corp. News
The American Psychiatric Ass’n has been fighting over the text of its DSM-V for 10 yrs now, bloody fights,guns drawn whiteboard erasers thrown all around the room, yet at the end of the day, they declared “pedophilia” as merely a “sexual orientation” instead of a disorder. Oops, we take it back, they said last week. But, 10 yrs to settle, yet didn’t--How’d that happen? LifeSiteNews.com
“Not fair,” said the mom of one of the late victims, who pulled off an armed robbery of a grocery store before being gunned down by a concealed-weapon carrier. You’re supposed to call the police, not gun down people by yourself, she said. And, she added, heisn’t wasn’t a “thug,” which hurt our feelings when we heard that. WFMZ-TV (Allentown, Pa.)
Your Weekly Jury Duty
[In America, you're presumed innocent . . . until the mug shot is released]
Felix Roberto Prado, 73, probably has a very good explanation why he’s not guilty of assaulting 3 children. NJ.com
Also, live from Central Casting: Ms. Mia McCarthy, 23, for when you need a lesbian S&M safe-word-ignorer. South Florida Sun-Sentinel [Oct. 31]
Editor's Note
More tomorrow morning.
Newsrangers: Mark Dubbin, Scott Huber, and Harry Thompson, and the News of the Weird Board of Editorial Advisors.
Angst, Confusion, Cynicism, Ridicule
Prime Cuts of Underreported News from Last Week, Hand-Picked and Lightly Seasoned by Chuck Shepherd
November 11, 2013
(datelines November 2-November 9) (links correct as of November 10)
Intelligent Design: Behold the anglerfish, 99% of which die as virgins, but for the lucky 1%, sex is as follows: “Boy meets girl, boy bites girl, boy’s mouth fuses to girl’s body, boy lives the rest of his life attached to girl sharing her blood and supplying her with sperm.” Wired
“Tradition” Yields “Weird”: In a Mayan village in Guatemala, people mostly don’t drink, but on November 1st, it’s game on, as the menfolk get ripped and then ride special horses through town, and then through town again, and [rinse and repeat]. When someone falls off dead, that’s called an “offering” to the spirits for good crops. [Yr Ed loves tradition!] Vice.com
New-Wave Field Sobriety Test: Well, if she grabs a nearby cheeseburger and tries to attach it to her foot as if she thinks it’s a shoe, she is officially over the limit. Huffington Post
Why would a company as old and venerable and bountiful
Leading Economic Indicator: Avg cost of a 2-bedroom Manhattan apartment, $1.4m. Cost of a private island in upstate-NY Putnam County (with a 4-bedroom house), $995k. Coldwell Banker via New York Post
More Low-Hanging Toxic Gov’t Fruit: (1) While Republicans on Capitol Hill propose cutting $4bn/yr in food stamps, the same legislation that does that will continue to pay farm subsidies to 50 billionaires--and make them even better off by moving them to a subsidy program that keeps their names private. (2) A U.S. Treasury inspector gen’l revealed that IRS paid out $4bn in tax refunds to identity thieves (but that the agency is getting better at stopping that). Except . . . last yr, 655 refunds went to the same address in Lithuania, and 343 to the same address in Shanghai. (3) Federal benefits of more than $500m have in recent yrs gone to beneficiaries who have shuffled off this mortal coil--in many cases not all that recently. (And of course, the gov’t is making improvements there, too, they say.) New York Times /// Associated Press via New York Post /// Washington Post
People With Worse Sex Lives Than You: Edwin Tobergta, 34, will spend 11 months in the slammer for his 3rd strike at indecent exposure (mostly, trying to mate with pool floats). His sex life is about to get busier (for 11 months, at least). WXIX-TV (Cincinnati) via WMC-TV (Memphis)
When “Gov’t” Is Most Annoying: Established barbers in Ontario are no longer grandfathered into new regulations on hairstyling. No matter that they only serve men, they’ll now need 2,000 hrs’ schooling, learn ladies’ hairstyles, and pay $5k for their license. Grrrrr. Canadian Broadcasting Corp. News
The American Psychiatric Ass’n has been fighting over the text of its DSM-V for 10 yrs now, bloody fights,
“Not fair,” said the mom of one of the late victims, who pulled off an armed robbery of a grocery store before being gunned down by a concealed-weapon carrier. You’re supposed to call the police, not gun down people by yourself, she said. And, she added, he
Your Weekly Jury Duty
[In America, you're presumed innocent . . . until the mug shot is released]
Felix Roberto Prado, 73, probably has a very good explanation why he’s not guilty of assaulting 3 children. NJ.com
Also, live from Central Casting: Ms. Mia McCarthy, 23, for when you need a lesbian S&M safe-word-ignorer. South Florida Sun-Sentinel [Oct. 31]
Editor's Note
More tomorrow morning.
Newsrangers: Mark Dubbin, Scott Huber, and Harry Thompson, and the News of the Weird Board of Editorial Advisors.
Comments
Angler Fish "Sexual Parasitism" ah, the memories.
Posted by Billy on 11/11/13 at 11:14 AM
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