News of the Weird 2.0
Angst, Confusion, Cynicism, Ridicule
Prime Cuts of Underreported News from Last Week, Hand-Picked and Lightly Seasoned by Chuck Shepherd
November 4, 2013
(datelines October 26-November 2) (links correct as of November 3)
Thank goodness for the Affordable Care Act, said, ummm, San Francisco-area, ummm, sex workers, many of whom say they’re signing up for insurance for the first time. Obamacare is especially useful to the uglier or ham-handed sex workers, who, since they have lower AGIs than the outcall superstars, qualify for ACA subsidies.
CNN Money
“Small Plane Crashes at Big Airport; No One Notices” was the CNN headline. Nashville Int’l. A pilot taxiing at daybreak asked the tower if they knew anything about that wreckage on the side of the runway. (“Umm, which runway?”)
CNN
Update: The least-sociable man in America got a sweet deal from a judge (on massive theft charges), and counselors will try to re-integrate him.
NBC News
Wait, 50 cows were crossing a highway, and you didn’t see ‘em at all (until you smashed into the herd, wounding a half dozen)? (Yes, that can happen these days . . due to the wonders of modern technology, i.e., texting while driving.)
Times Herald-Record (Middletown, N.Y.)
Alert for Tokeka, Kan., according to a local police lieutenant: “Running around naked is a very common thing to occur for people who are in a drug-induced excited delirium. We have way more naked people than you have any idea.”
Topeka Capital-Journal
News of the Self-Indulgent: Some Halloween costumes that toddlers and adolescents wear are indeed expensive, but that’s not the point, according to a New York Post report. The main issue is that mothers want bragging rights for how cleverly (expensive or not) they can stage-design their urchins, and the urchins are almost always eager to help out, such as the little girl dressed as the Chanel handbag.
New York Post
I Don't Think So: Christopher Loeppke, 25, was arrested for dealing drugs in Bismarck, N.D., after a girlfriend ratted him out. Not true, he said, and the $40,000 stash the cops found was, he said, just the proceeds from 12 yrs of lawn-mowing.
Bismarck Tribune
A BBC report from Sousse, Tunisia, noted a “successful” suicide op. Well, the operative's dead. No one else was hurt--or even affected, for that matter.
BBC News
More low-hanging fruit picked by the Gov’t Accountability Office: When federal contractor personnel qualify for security clearances, it’s five, sometimes ten, yrs before they ever get re-monitored. So here are 8,400 such employees who amassed back-tax debts to IRS, and their employers, and the responsible federal agencies, wouldn’t even realize that they’re now blackmailable.
Washington Free Beacon
Adventures of the Easily Offended: The UK’s prevent-cruelty-to-animals group was indignant to learn that a Pet Expo at the Bluewater shopping megaplex featured a raccoon that had been trained to ride a special-little bicycle.
The horror! Kent Online
Suspicions Confirmed: Dylan Grall, 23, was arrested for punching two men in Madison, Wis., because they weren’t speaking English. Mr. Grall flaunted his sophistication by telling cops the men were speaking “Spanish.” (Nope--“Hebrew.”)
WISC-TV (Madison)
Smoking Kills: City officials in Manchester, England, will need a replacement tree downtown because the tree under which office workers gather for their smoke breaks has passed away. Nearby trees survive, but this one tree allegedly suffocated with second-hand smoke and the repeated root-clogging by discarded tobacco and cigarette filters.
Manchester Evening News
Least Competent Criminals: Johnny Deleon, 20, was caught stealing hubcaps off of an SUV in a deli parking lot. If he had instead just ventured a little further into the lot, he might have noticed
beaucoup police vehicles (since cops were partying inside the deli).
KPRC-TV (Houston)
More Buried Ledes
From the 7th paragraph of a Bloomberg News story on the proliferation of local gov’ts’ special-tax districts (n=38,266 in the U.S.!): There’s a mosquito-abatement district in a suburb of Chicago that spends three-fourths of its budget on pay and benefits for its personnel, including more on pensions than on insecticide.
Bloomberg.com
From a medical report by scientists at Univ. of British Columbia, describing success at reducing risky “gambling”-type behavior among rats: Ummm, scientists know how to make lab rats gamble?
Science Daily
Weekly Cite-Seeing (Time-Wasting) Tour
Patty told y’all yesterday about Divine-Interventions website. Here’s a Jewish competitor.
Haaretz (Tel Aviv)
"This Creepily Beautiful Chapel in Czermna, Poland, is Constructed Out of Thousands of Human Bones." Fabulous.
SmithsonianMag.com
Your Weekly Jury Duty
[In America, you're presumed innocent . . . until the mug shot is released]
Could These Guys Have Worse Sex Lives Than You? Look at James Cowan Jr., 36, arrested for groping an Arby’s server (and who had leaked a trail of curly fries back to his motel room). Or maybe “church volunteer” William Richardson, 47, who might’ve been molesting a 14-yr-old ever since she was 11.
Lancaster Online ///
WFTS-TV (Tampa)
Editor's Notes
If you read last week’s NOTW 2.0 closely. Oh, of course you did! There was this item:
The number of Americans living in households that receive at least one income-sensitive gov’t payment now exceeds the number of Americans with full-time jobs. Yr Ed doesn’t know precisely how to feel about this except that it sounds wrong. CNS News
The Tampa Bay Times’s smug, wretched PolitiFact crew (Yr Editor is a Rachel-Maddow-devotee on that issue; no citation here--Google rachel maddow and politifact and take your pick) has now debunked the story as “False,” which as usual means, “Doesn't matter much that it's true or false. What matters is that we don’t like the implication of what it says so we think the story is best omitted from all public dialog--by declaring it ‘false,’ i.e., useless.” Yr Ed quoted the CNS report precisely and still views it as way-un-useless--although, as Yr Ed admitted, of inexact importance.
Politifact
Singapore is an amazing city-country. Healthy people, low crime, least corrupt gov’t, least drug-using, smartest kids, exceedingly smooth textbook capitalism. Except that a Gallup poll said they are also the least-positive people in the world--more negative than Iraqis, Afghanis, Syrians--hell, than
Haitians, even.
[Yr Ed identifies. Angst, Confusion, Cynicism, Ridicule. On it!] BBC News [Oct. 23]
Newsrangers: David Bacque, and the News of the Weird Board of Editorial Advisors.
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