News of the Weird 2.0 (November 4, 2013)

News of the Weird 2.0
Angst, Confusion, Cynicism, Ridicule

Prime Cuts of Underreported News from Last Week, Hand-Picked and Lightly Seasoned by Chuck Shepherd
November 4, 2013
(datelines October 26-November 2) (links correct as of November 3)

Thank goodness for the Affordable Care Act, said, ummm, San Francisco-area, ummm, sex workers, many of whom say they’re signing up for insurance for the first time. Obamacare is especially useful to the uglier or ham-handed sex workers, who, since they have lower AGIs than the outcall superstars, qualify for ACA subsidies. CNN Money

“Small Plane Crashes at Big Airport; No One Notices” was the CNN headline. Nashville Int’l. A pilot taxiing at daybreak asked the tower if they knew anything about that wreckage on the side of the runway. (“Umm, which runway?”) CNN

Update: The least-sociable man in America got a sweet deal from a judge (on massive theft charges), and counselors will try to re-integrate him. NBC News

Wait, 50 cows were crossing a highway, and you didn’t see ‘em at all (until you smashed into the herd, wounding a half dozen)? (Yes, that can happen these days . . due to the wonders of modern technology, i.e., texting while driving.) Times Herald-Record (Middletown, N.Y.)

Alert for Tokeka, Kan., according to a local police lieutenant: “Running around naked is a very common thing to occur for people who are in a drug-induced excited delirium. We have way more naked people than you have any idea.” Topeka Capital-Journal

News of the Self-Indulgent: Some Halloween costumes that toddlers and adolescents wear are indeed expensive, but that’s not the point, according to a New York Post report. The main issue is that mothers want bragging rights for how cleverly (expensive or not) they can stage-design their urchins, and the urchins are almost always eager to help out, such as the little girl dressed as the Chanel handbag. New York Post

I Don't Think So: Christopher Loeppke, 25, was arrested for dealing drugs in Bismarck, N.D., after a girlfriend ratted him out. Not true, he said, and the $40,000 stash the cops found was, he said, just the proceeds from 12 yrs of lawn-mowing. Bismarck Tribune

A BBC report from Sousse, Tunisia, noted a “successful” suicide op. Well, the operative's dead. No one else was hurt--or even affected, for that matter. BBC News

More low-hanging fruit picked by the Gov’t Accountability Office: When federal contractor personnel qualify for security clearances, it’s five, sometimes ten, yrs before they ever get re-monitored. So here are 8,400 such employees who amassed back-tax debts to IRS, and their employers, and the responsible federal agencies, wouldn’t even realize that they’re now blackmailable. Washington Free Beacon

Adventures of the Easily Offended: The UK’s prevent-cruelty-to-animals group was indignant to learn that a Pet Expo at the Bluewater shopping megaplex featured a raccoon that had been trained to ride a special-little bicycle. The horror! Kent Online

Suspicions Confirmed: Dylan Grall, 23, was arrested for punching two men in Madison, Wis., because they weren’t speaking English. Mr. Grall flaunted his sophistication by telling cops the men were speaking “Spanish.” (Nope--“Hebrew.”) WISC-TV (Madison)

Smoking Kills: City officials in Manchester, England, will need a replacement tree downtown because the tree under which office workers gather for their smoke breaks has passed away. Nearby trees survive, but this one tree allegedly suffocated with second-hand smoke and the repeated root-clogging by discarded tobacco and cigarette filters. Manchester Evening News

Least Competent Criminals: Johnny Deleon, 20, was caught stealing hubcaps off of an SUV in a deli parking lot. If he had instead just ventured a little further into the lot, he might have noticed beaucoup police vehicles (since cops were partying inside the deli). KPRC-TV (Houston)

More Buried Ledes

From the 7th paragraph of a Bloomberg News story on the proliferation of local gov’ts’ special-tax districts (n=38,266 in the U.S.!): There’s a mosquito-abatement district in a suburb of Chicago that spends three-fourths of its budget on pay and benefits for its personnel, including more on pensions than on insecticide. Bloomberg.com

From a medical report by scientists at Univ. of British Columbia, describing success at reducing risky “gambling”-type behavior among rats: Ummm, scientists know how to make lab rats gamble? Science Daily

Weekly Cite-Seeing (Time-Wasting) Tour

Patty told y’all yesterday about Divine-Interventions website. Here’s a Jewish competitor. Haaretz (Tel Aviv)

"This Creepily Beautiful Chapel in Czermna, Poland, is Constructed Out of Thousands of Human Bones." Fabulous. SmithsonianMag.com

Your Weekly Jury Duty
[In America, you're presumed innocent . . . until the mug shot is released]


Could These Guys Have Worse Sex Lives Than You? Look at James Cowan Jr., 36, arrested for groping an Arby’s server (and who had leaked a trail of curly fries back to his motel room). Or maybe “church volunteer” William Richardson, 47, who might’ve been molesting a 14-yr-old ever since she was 11. Lancaster Online /// WFTS-TV (Tampa)

Editor's Notes

If you read last week’s NOTW 2.0 closely. Oh, of course you did! There was this item:

The number of Americans living in households that receive at least one income-sensitive gov’t payment now exceeds the number of Americans with full-time jobs. Yr Ed doesn’t know precisely how to feel about this except that it sounds wrong. CNS News

The Tampa Bay Times’s smug, wretched PolitiFact crew (Yr Editor is a Rachel-Maddow-devotee on that issue; no citation here--Google rachel maddow and politifact and take your pick) has now debunked the story as “False,” which as usual means, “Doesn't matter much that it's true or false. What matters is that we don’t like the implication of what it says so we think the story is best omitted from all public dialog--by declaring it ‘false,’ i.e., useless.” Yr Ed quoted the CNS report precisely and still views it as way-un-useless--although, as Yr Ed admitted, of inexact importance. Politifact

Singapore is an amazing city-country. Healthy people, low crime, least corrupt gov’t, least drug-using, smartest kids, exceedingly smooth textbook capitalism. Except that a Gallup poll said they are also the least-positive people in the world--more negative than Iraqis, Afghanis, Syrians--hell, than Haitians, even. [Yr Ed identifies. Angst, Confusion, Cynicism, Ridicule. On it!] BBC News [Oct. 23]

Newsrangers: David Bacque, and the News of the Weird Board of Editorial Advisors.
     Posted By: Chuck - Mon Nov 04, 2013
     Category:





Comments
ACA & Sex Workers As long as they don't interrupt my ObamaPhone coverage I'm OK with spending other peoples' money.

Least-Sociable Man I'll admit that it's going to be cheaper to feed this guy in the wild than in prison. Wait... could that be a solution to the overcrowding problem? Chuck them onto an island and throw food at them occasionally?

Streaking Tokeka What! No pictures? They've had pictures in England I'll bet'cha.

Halloween Costumes No "Sexy Toddler" again this year, I see. :red:

$40,000 Stash Seriously, since when is it illegal to have a lot of cash on hand? Think about it...

"Successful” Suicide Anybody think to call Jeff Dunham?

UK's PCtA Coons are smart, crafty, and edible.

Dylan Grall A true equal opportunity bigot. Where's Diogenes when you need him? (Look it up. I write them, I don't explain them!)

Smoking Kills Whoa! Ya think we can make some weed killer with nicotine in it?

Beaucoup Note to author... In the land of Xanth that's spelled BOO-COO isn't it?

Gambling Rats Long winters in BC, eh?

Jury Duty Girls, regardless of what they say, that's not Gabriel's horn. Guilty

We'll need photo evidence of the Arby's gropee, she may have been worth it! Na.... Nuke'm.

On the Dole If they're counting social security recipients then, I'm sorry, WE PAID FOR IT! BTW, 62 is the new 65 if you're smart!

Kudo's to Patty for getting noticed by The Man.
Posted by Expat47 in Athens, Greece on 11/04/13 at 09:31 AM
"Yr Ed quoted the CNS report precisely,"

but failed, as did Sykes, to mention that the report is a) from a conservatively biased source (from the horse's mouth: http://cnsnews.com/about-us ), b) uses data from two years ago when the economy was in a significantly worse condition than now, and c) counts all members of a household as receiving benefits even when only one member actually does.

A. Quoting a "news source" does not make the quote true. It is the responsibility of a journalist to verify the bona fides of his source*.

B. Using the present tense to describe data from two years ago presents an inaccurate timeline of events (in fact, Politifact did the actual research* for this year's figures and found that the situation has indeed been reversed -- something you'd have know if you'd actually READ their article rather than dismissing it just because you didn't personally like the source.)

C. Multiple-counting without acknowledgement is a fallacy in every mathematical and scientific discipline. That in itself is enough to make the statement 100% false.

There is also the fact that the recipient population includes children below 16 and seniors above 65, whereas the working population includes very few such people. The statement implies equation of two populations which are not expected to be equal. But that is simply an error in implication (known in the marketing world as "spin" -- from a source that decries spin, no less!) and not technically an error in fact. Since the errors in fact supersede this spin, I wasn't going to mention it. But PolitiFact DID make the mistake of using it (needlessly) in their analysis, which left an opening for lazy or biased minds to skip the facts and dismiss PolitiFact's analysis as “Doesn't matter much that it's true or false. What matters is that we don’t like the implication of what it says so we think the story is best omitted from all public dialog--by declaring it ‘false,’ i.e., useless.”

*Remember when journalists used to do these things, instead of parroting whatever they heard/read/were given without thinking? Yeah, neither do I.

@Expat -- no, they don't include Social Security -- that's not a means-tested benefit. Read the PolitiFact article; they do a good job of listing just what is included and how the analyses (both CNS's and their own) were performed.
Posted by Steve K on 11/04/13 at 10:49 AM
Daisy Cowit Strikes a cow - Seriously?
Lawn Mowing Seems to be a lot more profitable then when I was running around town mowing 15 lawns a week as a kid.

Expat<b> Google "nicotine herbicide" and "nicotine pesticide"

<b>Ont The Dole:
You think America has problems? Checkout the horror stories coming out of the UK as Bulgarians and Romanians will now be free to travel within the EU.
Posted by Billy on 11/04/13 at 10:58 AM
@SteveK: This is 'News of the Weird' not 'Wierd Facts' and most of us around here take most 'news agencies' with a wheelbarrow full of salt.

@Bill: We've had the Bulgarians down here for some years now and, to be honest, they're not the problem! It's the illegals coming out of Africa that are having sword fights in the middle of town & sucking up serious €s.
Posted by Expat47 in Athens, Greece on 11/04/13 at 01:19 PM
Re 50 Cows: *e.g., texting while driving
Posted by Gramma Nazi on 11/04/13 at 03:04 PM
The fifty cows should be a "mooving" violation (Yes I said it).
Posted by BrokeDad in Midwest US on 11/04/13 at 04:33 PM
sex workers/Obamacare- Hey the law says everyone, these people are part of 'everyone', like it or not.

hermit/thief- Hey BD, he's our age! I hope the guy acclimates successfully.

cows in traffic- Didn't see them? Thank goodness it was cows and not children.

costume envy- These mothers (and I include the pageant moms) are idiots.

lawn work- Well, the money had something to do with grass anyway.

contracts/taxes- One hand not knowing what the other is doing, not a surprise.

raccoon- Abuse?? Hell, how many raccoons have bikes? He wanted one.

smoking tree- Yes, smoking kills, how many more times do you need to prove it.

mosquitoes- Government abuse of power and finances, THAT'S new.

Haaretz- 😊 Girls love attention, thanks Chuck.

bone chapel- That is disturbing looking to me. Gave me a chill.

Biased reporting- Say it ain't so!! Both sides shovel it, we just have the distasteful job of sorting it. Chuck is damn evenhanded in my book.

complainers- When the worst thing you've ever experienced is a hang nail then a paper cut is a big deal. If you have had appendicitis then your perspective on paper cuts is much different. We are shaped and defined by our life experience.
Posted by Patty in Ohio, USA on 11/04/13 at 07:26 PM
Note to somebody in Athens, Greece: "Kudos" is a Greek singular noun.
Posted by John Ayer on 11/04/13 at 09:23 PM
Obamacare: see, that's what you get for all that communism! Now even poor women in shitty jobs get to survive, instead of rot in the streets as they ought to!

Grall: what's the odds that if they'd been speaking Arabic instead of Hebrew (or, for that matter, Spanish) he'd have been let go without so much as a "don't do it again"?

Czermna: there are quite a few of these around. Memento mori and all that.

Singapore: I wouldn't be happy there, either. It's a real-life Stepford, all that cleanliness being enforced by downright tyrannical laws.

Bulgarians: are not the problem (unless they carry umbrellas). Hellenes refusing flat-out to pay their taxes, bringing their economy down, and then turning to neo-nazi parties when they're called out on it is a rather more serious bother to the rest of the EU.
Posted by Richard Bos on 11/05/13 at 10:15 AM
Great week.
My personal favorite -- dude punches people for "not speaking English". Um, freedom of speech probably means you can speak any language you want to people who will understand it.

I visit News of the Weird to be entertained. It's newsy enough to be believable (no "alien eats human babies!!" or reports that Elvis Presley is still alive).

Chuck does a great job. His opinions make for great reading.

My 2 cents.
Posted by girlgeniusNYC on 11/06/13 at 10:11 AM
As far as reporting that Elvis lives, it's unnecessary as we all KNOW that he's alive and well in Alaska. (or was it Arkansas? Alabama? Atlantis?) Well, one of those A places.
Posted by Expat47 in Athens, Greece on 11/06/13 at 10:54 AM
Maybe he's staying across town at the Acropolis Expat. :lol:
Posted by Patty in Ohio, USA on 11/06/13 at 10:37 PM
Wait, I'll go check.....
Posted by Expat47 in Athens, Greece on 11/06/13 at 10:49 PM
Nah, he's living underground in Antarctica. Tekeli-li...
Posted by Richard Bos on 11/07/13 at 08:21 AM
Whew! Saved me a trip downtown! Thanks Richard.
Posted by Expat47 in Athens, Greece on 11/07/13 at 08:42 AM
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